Why is eye contact so intense?

They say that our eyes are the only part of our brain that is directly exposed to the world. When you look another person in the eye, then, just think: it is perhaps the closest you will come to 'touching brains' – or touching souls if you like to be more poetic about these things.

bbc.com - Why meeting another's gaze is so powerful - BBC Future

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You’ve doubtless had the experience when, across a noisy, crowded room, you lock gazes with another person. It’s almost like a scene out of the movies – the rest of the world fades to grey while you and that other soul are momentarily connected in the mutual knowledge that they are looking at you and you at them. Of course, eye contact is not always so exciting – it’s a natural part of most casual conversations, after all – but it is nearly always important. We make assumptions about people’s personalities based on how much they meet our eyes or look away when we are talking to them. And when we pass strangers in the street or some other public place, we can be left feeling rejected if they don’t make eye contact. This much we already know from our everyday experiences. But psychologists and neuroscientists have been studying eye contact for decades and their intriguing findings reveal much more about its power, including what our eyes give away and how eye contact changes what we think about the other person looking back at us.

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For instance, a recurring finding is that gazing eyes grab and hold our attention, making us less aware of what else is going on around us (that ‘fading to grey’ that I mentioned earlier). Also, meeting someone’s gaze almost immediately engages a raft of brain processes, as we make sense of the fact that we are dealing with the mind of another person who is currently looking at us. In consequence, we become more conscious of that other person’s agency, that they have a mind and perspective of their own – and, in turn, this makes us more self-conscious. You may have noticed these effects particularly strongly if you’ve ever held the intense gaze of a monkey or ape at a zoo: it is almost impossible not to be overcome by the profound sensation that they are a conscious being judging and scrutinising you. In fact, even looking at a portrait painting that appears to be making eye contact has been shown to trigger a swathe of brain activity related to social cognition – that is, in regions involved in thinking about ourselves and others.

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mindbodygreen.com - How To Know If You Have An Emotional Connection With Someone

An emotional connection is a feeling of alignment and intimacy between two people that goes beyond just physical attraction, having fun together, surface-level conversations, or even intellectual similarities. Instead, it feels like you're connecting on a deeper soul level—and feel secure connecting that deeply. "Just like children, adults need to feel a secure attachment to another adult," couples therapist Josie Rosario, LMSW, MSed, explains to mbg. "That means it's important for us to know that someone will be consistently available, especially in time of physical or emotional needs." Think of it this way: This type of connection imbues the relationship with emotional texture, adding an essential feeling of security that establishes a foundation for genuine intimacy to blossom. When we feel unsafe to let down our guard, the bond between couples can be superficial at best. "As humans, the need for emotional connection is wired into our survival," adds licensed psychologist Justine Grosso, Psy.D. "It helps us feel a greater sense of belonging, which facilitates general well-being."

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