Why doesn t my crush like me back?

Maybe they aren't looking to be in a relationship right now, or they have something else going on in their lives that they need to focus on. It could be that they do think you're really great, but the timing is just off. If your crush needs that space, they are entitled to it.

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Written by Writer’s Corps member Stephanie Perez

You and your friend have been texting each other constantly for the last several weeks. They comment on all your social media posts, and when you’re together they seem to be really into you…they may have hugged you goodbye for the first time, or your hands touched while walking together. You can’t get them off your mind and you want to make a move before the moment fizzles. You finally summon some courage, tell them how awesome you think they are and express your feelings… only to hear that they “only think of you as a really good friend….”

It turns out that those feelings you had weren’t mutual… Ouch!

What do you do when your crush doesn’t like you back? Here are some pointers that can help:

1. Don’t Be Quick To Take It Personal

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It’s easy to think that there is something “wrong” with you when facing rejection, but the truth is that the reason your crush turned you down may have nothing to do with you at all. Maybe they aren’t looking to be in a relationship right now, or they have something else going on in their lives that they need to focus on. It could be that they do think you’re really great, but the timing is just off. If your crush needs that space, they are entitled to it. However, if the reason your crush turned you down really is because they simply are not attracted to you in the same way, keep this next point in mind…

2. It’s Not A Reflection Of Your Personal Worth

Just because your crush isn’t interested in a relationship does not mean your worth as a unique, amazing individual has diminished! It’s totally normal to feel bummed out that your crush doesn’t see how great you really are, but you shouldn’t feel compelled to change just to be the type of person you imagine they may be into. Ultimately, you want to be with someone that appreciates you just as you are!

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It’s fair to say that at some point, you will find yourself on the other side of the coin. Remember when you realized that you and the person who was crushing on you were not compatible, or that time you were caught off guard by your friend’s confession of their undying love for you when you were sure that you were just friends? It’s better to be honest and say that you don’t feel the same way than to give in to your crush’s advances out of fear about hurting their feelings. You knew then that it was better for both of you if you were honest in the first place, so keeping that in mind can help you not take it too personally when you’re the one getting turned down this time. We’re all entitled to our feelings, even if the outcome isn’t what we were hoping for. Don’t exhaust yourself trying to change someone’s mind. Trying to force relationships can be like trying to fit into a pair of shoes that are too small. As much as you like them, they just won’t work. It doesn’t mean that pair of shoes isn’t nice, it just means they aren’t the right pair for you. In that case, it’s best to move on. No one should feel required to be in a relationship, or pressured into dating someone. If you do decide to take those steps, both people should feel equally excited about it, not coerced into it.

5. Give Yourself Time To Process How You Feel

In a perfect world, your feelings for your crush would be reciprocated, but life isn’t a fairytale. It’s totally normal to feel “crushed” when the object of your affection doesn’t feel the same way. Take time to take care of yourself while you work through the disappointment. If you need to vent, look for a listening ear in a trusted friend or family member. You can also look for healthy ways to keep busy, like volunteering in your community or taking up a new hobby, like exercise or writing. Staying active can help you avoid unhealthy coping behaviors such as binge eating, or moving on to someone new too quickly out of spite.

6. Avoid These Common Social Media Pitfalls

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We all know how tempting it can be to scroll through your crush’s social media pages, but that will likely only allow your feelings of disappointment to fester. Also, obsessively keeping tabs of someone’s social media, or wondering who the new person in all of their posts may be is not healthy. If you find yourself scrolling mindlessly, it may help to take a break from following them as a way to take care of yourself. This can give you the time you need to heal and help you focus your energy elsewhere.

7. Move Forward

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Everyone goes through this experience at least once in their lives (if not more)! Remember that you will survive the fact that your crush doesn’t like you back. Use this as an opportunity to really think about why you were crushing on this person. Were they open and honest? Were they willing to lend an ear or shoulder to cry on? It could be a great opportunity to identify certain traits that are really important to you, like honesty and respect. In the end, we all want to be in healthy relationships with people who enjoy all that we are. Even if this person wasn’t a good fit, it doesn’t mean you won’t find someone else who is – and that person can come around when you least expect it. So keep up those positive vibes, learn to love yourself first, and others will love you back, too.

Related: How To Bounce Back From A Breakup

Do you still have questions about how to finally get over your crush? Our new advice column, #AskOneLove, can help to answer all of your burning relationship questions.

joinonelove.org - What To Do When Your Crush Doesn't Like You Back

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