Why does cuddling turn me on?

It should, because the touch and skin-to-skin contact we get while cuddling releases oxytocin—the feel-good "love" hormone.

psychologytoday.com - The Sexual Science of Cuddling | Psychology Today

Which planet in which house gives money?

Hindu astrology considers the 2nd house as the house of accumulated wealth, and the 11th as the house of gains, these lords associated with the...

Last updated Feb 24, 2019

What is punishment by God?

Divine retribution is supernatural punishment of a person, a group of people, or everyone by a deity in response to some action. Many cultures have...

Last updated Nov 14, 2021

Do you really know who the “One” is? Your true Soulmate?

Promotion

Imagine that you're cozying up with your romantic partner on the couch. Maybe you're watching a movie or the fire crackling. You're holding hands. Hugging. Just lying in each other's arms.

Sound nice?

It should, because the touch and skin-to-skin contact we get while cuddling releases oxytocin—the feel-good "love" hormone. So if you're like most people, it just feels nice to cuddle.

But what happens next? Is the cuddling a final destination? Or a buildup to something more intimate? That is, how likely is it that cuddling would lead to having sex?

Somewhat surprisingly, the experts offer some conflicting thoughts.

To Cuddle or Not to Cuddle?

In her groundbreaking book Mating in Captivity, Esther Perel suggests that cuddling can get in the way of erotic passion. In fact, she describes advising couples that want to increase their sexual passion to refrain from cuddling. Her argument is that the emotional connection which occurs while cuddling is the antithesis to erotic passion: It makes us feel too close and too familiar to our partner and so, is unlikely to bring about lustful feelings. However, some researchers draw different conclusions. John Gottman, another leader in the relationship and sex research community, suggests that not only is cuddling a good thing to do for your relationship, but, based on his 40 years of researching couples' intimate lives, he made a list of 13 things that couples with great sex lives do—and cuddling is number 7 on that list! His belief is that the connection and closeness that comes from cuddling is the fuel that leads to better and more satisfying sex.

Men and Women's Reasons for Cuddling

Over the course of my own academic research and clinical experience, I have interviewed numerous men and women about their sexual desires—and cuddling often comes up, but sometimes for different reasons. Among the women I've spoken with, cuddling is often described as something that helps to promote higher sexual desire. For example, some heterosexual women I interviewed indicated that they preferred to cuddle before sex instead of having their male partner initiate "out of the blue." These women said being touched non-sexually helped them get acclimatized into a more intimate, sexual headspace. This makes sense based on what we know about women's sexual desire often being responsive in nature and needing time to build. In that sense, cuddling may function as a transitioning activity from a nonsexual scenario to a (potentially) sexual one.

Can eyes reveal emotions?

Your eyes communicate much more than you may realize, in fact they play a huge role in your non-verbal communication. Consciously or not, the way...

Last updated Sep 10, 2021

Can a guy have a girl BFF?

In spite of all the different groups of friends you will acquire, one thing remains the same: Nothing can ever truly replace that one person who...

Last updated Apr 10, 2018

Promotion

Men I’ve interviewed described their relationship with cuddling a little bit differently. Most didn't necessarily describe using cuddling as a way to get themselves in the mood, although I'm sure some do; instead, these men indicated that, while cuddling, they noticed that their sexual urges often spontaneously showed up. Men sometimes said things like "all she has to do is touch me," and they notice they had an urge to have sex. They said that touching their female partner in what began in a nonsexual way fueled their desire to take things to the next level. In both cases, however, cuddling seems to be described as a desire enhancer, not a dampener.

Cuddling Should Not Always Lead to Sex

This point cannot be stressed enough: Even if you find that cuddling can increase your interest in having sex, it's crucially important to balance your sexual touch with nonsexual touch. In other words, cuddling, caressing, kissing, and hugging are all important on their own. And it's important that romantic partners make time in their relationships to "just" hug, "just" kiss, and "just" cuddle. Why? Well, if all those feel-good, connection-building activities frequently (or always) lead to sex, and one partner doesn't feel like having sex, they might say no to those other activities to avoid giving the wrong message. In other words, they try to nip what they perceive as sexual initiation in the bud. In fact, as a therapist, I routinely see couples that feel sexually disconnected talk about how they don't even hug anymore, because they feel it's going to give the wrong impression. And it hurts both members of the couple. The person not wanting to have sex loses out on the opportunity to be held (which maybe they did want), and their partner gets dismissed—usually in a confusing way: "What gives? I was just trying to hold your hand!" Not to mention, avoiding all those other nonsexual touches makes couples less likely to feel sexual desire, because they don't feel physically close to their partner—a vicious cycle.

Cuddling After Sex

What two signs are alike?

Gemini and Libra don't seem like they would be all that similar at first glance, but in fact, they are very much alike. Jun 9, 2017

Last updated Aug 29, 2021

How do you know when God wants you to be with someone?

You feel comfortable and at peace when that someone is around. Another sign that you and your partner are meant to be is the peace you feel in your...

Last updated Feb 13, 2022

Promotion

We've been talking about cuddling before sex. But cuddling doesn't (and shouldn't) stop when sex is over. In fact, it's beneficial for your sex life if you cuddle afterward. Amy Muise and her colleagues conducted research on the sexual behavior of over 500 participants in relationships over the course of two studies, including post-sex activities such as cuddling and kissing. The research team found that the longer the amount of time that couples practiced post-sexual affection, the greater their sexual and relationship satisfaction. Although this pattern was stronger for women, it was also reported among men.

The Moral of the Story

Cuddle freely and cuddle often, before and after sex. If cuddling leads to sex, that's great, but make sure that there are plenty of times you cuddle with your partner in which nonsexual touch is the final destination. Never want to miss a post? Follow me on Twitter @SexDoctorSarah or visit my website

psychologytoday.com - The Sexual Science of Cuddling | Psychology Today

What men see as love?

In plain language: Men often feel most loved by the women in their lives when their partners hug them, kiss them, smile at them, and explicitly...

Last updated Oct 5, 2019

Where did human life begin?

Africa Humans first evolved in Africa, and much of human evolution occurred on that continent. The fossils of early humans who lived between 6 and...

Last updated Sep 5, 2020

Promotion

Who pays for Japanese wedding?

Sometimes the bride's family pays for the wedding. Sometimes the groom's does or both families share the costs. Often one family will lobby to host...

Last updated May 13, 2019

Promotion

How do you know you are destined for each other?

When you are destined to be together, there is a sense of safety and belonging when you are in each other's presence. You have a sense that you...

Last updated Dec 27, 2021