Photo: Ali Pazani

Why do people close their eyes when they make love?

It's similar to why we turn the lights off during sex; so we can relax, savor the experience, tune in to our other senses and so we don't have to see our jiggly bits under the unforgiving glare of 120-watt lighting. Your girlfriend also might be closing her eyes so she can fantasize more easily.

chicagotribune.com - Closing your eyes during sex...why? - Chicago Tribune

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Dear Anna,

I have been with my girlfriend for four years and I always found it odd that she closes her eyes during sex. I wish she would keep them open sometimes, as I think it intensifies everything, including the orgasm. Is there some underlying reason she always has them closed?

Dear reader,

For the same reason we close our eyes when we kiss: protection against wayward gnats. Most of us close our eyes when we kiss because we can't focus on the blotch of cheek or crusty ear that's in our direct line of sight, and instead of straining our eyes, we opt to just close them. Of course, with sex, usually you're not all up in each other's face-bizness (depending on position and ergonomics), so it's possible your girlfriend is taking an eye nap for other reasons. One of those might have to do with vulnerability. Sex can make us self-conscious about our bodies, our partners' enjoyment, our own crippling mediocrity, etc. Closing our eyes is an easy way to "check out" from those fears and focus more on the moment—what we are feeling instead of what we are thinking. It's similar to why we turn the lights off during sex; so we can relax, savor the experience, tune in to our other senses and so we don't have to see our jiggly bits under the unforgiving glare of 120-watt lighting. Your girlfriend also might be closing her eyes so she can fantasize more easily. It's harder to envision boning that Argentinian soccer team when your gaze is locked on your sweet partner of four years. This isn't to say she's unsatisfied in the sack—we all fantasize, it's part of how we maintain monogamous relationships—but the longer we are with one person, the more we might need to take a mental vacay to get extra hot and bothered. As to whether having open eyes intensifies orgasms, at least one sex therapist agrees with you. Dr. David Schnarch encourages couples to increase intimacy by having eyes-open sex, and eyes-open orgasms, so we aren't "tuning out" our partners." In informal surveys I've conducted around the world, it seems that only about 15 to 30 percent of all couples have sex with their eyes open, and only about half that number can orgasm that way. This means that most people have to shut their eyes to 'tune out' their partner in order to be able to orgasm." The only way to know for sure is to ask your girlfriend in a casual, non-confrontational way, if you haven't done so already. If her reasons are more of the "savoring the experience" variety, you might ask her to try keeping her eyes open as an experiment. A more intense orgasm might end up being right in front of her eyes—literally. Want to ask Anna an anonymous question about love, sex or dating? Email your quandary toredeyedating@gmail.com. Need to give your dating life a boost? Sign up for RedEye Dating.

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How do you hug a girl shorter than you?

Bend at the waist and put your arms forward. Fold your arms across her upper back as you would with any hug. Avoid placing them around her neck instead. Keep your head facing forward. Don't turn it to either side, as you might bump heads or breath in her face once she comes close.

wikihow.com - How to Hug a Girl Who Is Shorter Than You: 11 Steps - wikiHow

This article was co-authored by Connell Barrett . Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation, his own relationship consulting business founded in 2017 and based out of New York City. Connell advises clients based on his A.C.E. Dating System: Authenticity, Clarity, and Expressiveness. He is also a dating coach with the dating app The League. His work has been featured in Cosmopolitan, The Oprah Magazine, and Today. This article has been viewed 663,146 times.

Article Summary

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If you want to hug a girl who is shorter than you, try the simpler one-arm side hug first. Step closer to the girl from the side and move the arm closest to her out to the side of your body. Once you’re standing right next to each another, position your arm around her so that your hand is resting on the shoulder opposite you. Be sure to avoid placing your arm or hand on or around her neck, and keep your arm above hers so that your arms don't tangle together. If you're just friends with the girl, or if you've never hugged her before, embrace for about three seconds before releasing her and stepping away. For tips on trying a more intimate two-arm front hug, read on!

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