Why do men not say I love you first?

Key points. We have the one word, "love," to describe a wide range of feelings in a relationship, so men may get confused about when they are in love. Because we equate "love" with marriage, some women hesitate to use the word first, worrying it will scare a man away.

psychologytoday.com - Why Men Struggle To Say “I Love You” | Psychology Today

What organ is affected by grief?

Grief is the emotion of the lungs and the large intestine, organs associated with the metal element. Loss of any kind will often trigger a feeling...

Last updated Dec 11, 2021

What happens after kiss?

It releases the love hormone This makes us feel more aroused and can also help to generate a closer bond and trust with our kissing partner....

Last updated Jan 23, 2020

Do you really know who the “One” is? Your true Soulmate?

Promotion

When I was a kid, my parents were very persnickety about language. For example, whenever I passionately declared that I “loved” ketchup, one of my parents would be sure to correct me by asking, "Are you going to marry ketchup?" They were instructing me that the word “love” was reserved for the feelings a person has about a life partner and, therefore, not to be used for something as mundane as ketchup. The problem with my parent’s linguistic fanaticism was that they never did suggest an alternative. “I really like ketchup a lot” just didn’t fully capture my passionate feelings about ketchup.

Some straight men have this problem in romantic relationships as adults.

As a relationship progresses and feelings mature and develop, some straight men soon run out of words to describe how they feel. Just as when I was a kid, “I really like you a lot,” doesn’t seem quite adequate to describe the feeling someone hopes to have about the person they’ve been sleeping with for nine months. Telling their partner “I love you” might seem like the next logical step, but those words are freighted with a lot of meanings in our culture that make both men and women hesitant to use them. Because we only have the one word, “love,” to describe such a wide range of feelings, and because, like my parents, we are socialized to equate love with marriage, many straight couples get stuck in a bit of a standoff about who is going to use the word first. Women are often socialized to believe that marriage is something that women want and men don’t, so they hesitate to say “I love you” for fear that their partner will hear this as a marriage proposal and run for the hills. Men are similarly socialized to believe that marriage is something that they won’t like and should avoid for as long as possible. Men hesitate to use the words “I love you” for fear of giving the impression that it is only a matter of time before the ring follows.

Feminist theory offers men and women a way out of this bind.

In feminist theory, emotional experience is relational, meaning that emotions like love are not an experience that one person has alone, but are mutual experiences, experiences that are shared between two people. This approach immediately lets men off the hook. Men don’t have to struggle in isolation, trying on their own to figure out the right word to describe how they feel about their partner. Love is an experience that is shared between two people. Whatever any man is feeling is just his own version of what two people in a relationship both feel. The two of them have to work together to figure out the right words to describe how they feel.

What happens after the 2nd death?

According to Revelation 2:11 and 20:6, those who overcome the devil's tribulation have part in the first resurrection and will not be hurt by the...

Last updated May 22, 2021

Can you communicate telepathically with someone you love?

But the reality is that even deep love and caring do not bestow telepathic abilities. No one can directly experience another person's mind and...

Last updated Aug 22, 2018

Promotion

From a relational perspective, it is only through intimate relationships that we become most fully ourselves. Everyone has within them the potential for the full range of emotional experience. We are all capable of feeling everything, but that potential only comes fully alive in relationships. For example, I might think of myself as a person who does not get angry. No matter what the circumstances, I pride myself on never getting angry. However, if my wife announces one day that she’s in love with another man, and is taking the children and moving to Alaska to be with him, I will hopefully discover that I actually do have the capacity to feel anger, just like everyone else does.

So it is with love.

Everyone has the capacity to love someone else; we only learn about that capacity in intimate relationships. One of the most wonderful things about love is that it makes you a bigger person, more fully yourself. From this perspective, men don’t have to worry so much about whether or not to say “I love you,” because love is not just a feeling you have about another person, but also a description of how you feel about yourself in a particular relationship. From this perspective, “I love you,” really means, “I love myself when I’m with you,” which should be a lot less threatening to say. This article also appeared on thegoodmenproject, and was excerpted from Hidden in Plain Sight: How Men’s Fears of Women Shape Their Intimate Relationships (Lasting Impact Press, 2021).

psychologytoday.com - Why Men Struggle To Say “I Love You” | Psychology Today

How do you say no plus one?

If your guest just goes ahead and writes in a plus-one on their RSVP card, you need to address it tactfully. Call them and graciously explain that...

Last updated Mar 22, 2019

Can a teacher disrespect a student?

One of the most prevalent issues highlighted is that of a teacher continuously berating or disrespecting a student or group of students. This type...

Last updated Aug 25, 2018

Promotion

What zodiac signs that can fight?

To know more about where you stand in terms of anger, fights and arguments, you should take a closer look at what astral element, your sign falls...

Last updated Jul 1, 2021

Promotion

How do kissing feel?

Kissing triggers your brain to release a cocktail of chemicals that leave you feeling oh so good by igniting the pleasure centers of the brain....

Last updated Aug 9, 2020