Soulmate Gem
Soulmate Gem
Photo: Javon Swaby
If you have the need to be liked, you might have an external locus of control. You might connect your self-worth with the number of people who like you, rather than how you feel about yourself. Sociotropy is a state of being dependent on other people and a preoccupation with people-pleasing.
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Read More »Wanting to be liked could help you connect with the people in your life, but the need to be liked could lead to stress and anxiety. The social side of human nature evolved from the need for cooperation to survive. Being liked meant being fed and protected. Although it’s easier to manage independently in the modern world, people still benefit from social connections. A healthy social network could protect both your physical and mental health. So it’s natural to want to be liked. If you enjoy people’s approval and feel a little bothered when people don’t like you, you’re not alone. But a fixation on getting people’s approval at the expense of making your own choices could interfere with how you live your life. How to tell if you want or need to be liked? Wanting to be liked is a human trait shared by most people. On the other hand, if you need to be liked, there are some telltale signs. This could include: continuous efforts to please people willingness to do almost anything, including things you know are wrong or dangerous
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Read More »How to unlearn the need to be liked? If your need for approval from every person in your life is causing you stress, consider learning how to live without it. Try asking yourself these questions. Should everyone think the same way? The attributes that make you likable to some people are the same qualities that could trigger dislike from others. Social media and its polarizing discussion content demonstrate this concept well. If the world is full of people with opposing views and differing opinions, is it logical to expect everyone to like you? Does someone’s disapproval stop me from living my life? Whether it’s a haircut, a hobby, or the possibility of a new career, consider whether you sacrifice the things you want in favor of someone else’s choice for you. Can I change someone’s previous experiences? There could be external factors over which you have no control that could influence whether a person likes you. Maybe you remind them of someone they dislike or a bad experience they had. Should I be the most important part of everyone else’s life? While you worry about who likes you, the people you think about are probably concerned about who likes them. It’s human nature for each person to see the world from their own perspective. So someone else’s opinion of you might not be their primary concern. Should it be yours? Can I succeed if people don’t like me? Think about the people who inspire disapproval but still thrive. They don’t need everyone to like them, so why should you? If I always agree with everyone around me, am I being myself? Having an opinion that differs from that of a friend or family member doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re wrong. It simply means that you’re an individual with your own thoughts. If the fear of being disliked causes you to hide your opinions, you might not be living authentically. Am I spending too much time on social media? Your time spent giving and receiving likes, shares, and comments could be setting you up for self-esteem that’s dependent on approval from others. A 2016 study links social media use to a reliance on external validation, which could lead to self-doubt and the need to feel liked by others. What would happen if I didn’t try to please everyone? You could start small — for example, try to give your honest feedback about a movie you saw with a friend. Or say that you’re busy if the idea of a weekend gathering isn’t appealing. You might find that the people in your life still value you. Should I get counseling? If you’re experiencing anxiety or distress from continuously trying to live up to the expectations of others, counseling could provide you with helpful coping strategies.
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