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Why do I crave attention from my best friend?

Attention-seeking behavior may stem from jealousy, low self-esteem, loneliness, or as a result of a personality disorder. If you notice this behavior in you or someone else, a mental health professional can provide diagnosis and treatment options.

healthline.com - Attention Seeking Behavior in Adults: Causes, Other Symptoms, More

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For adults, attention-seeking behavior is a conscious or unconscious attempt to become the center of attention, sometimes to gain validation or admiration. Attention-seeking behavior can include saying or doing something with the goal of getting the attention of a person or a group of people.

Attention-seeking behavior may be driven by:

jealousy

low self-esteem

loneliness

Sometimes attention-seeking behavior is the result of cluster B personality disorders, such as:

Jealousy

Jealousy may come about when someone feels threatened by another person currently getting all the attention.

This, in turn, can lead to attention-seeking behavior to change the focus.

Self-esteem

Self-esteem is a broad term covering a variety of complex mental states involving how you view yourself. When some people believe that they’re being overlooked, bringing back the lost attention is may feel like the only way to restore their balance. The attention that they get from this behavior may help provide them with the feeling of reassurance that they are worthy.

Loneliness

Loneliness can result in an urge to seek attention, even in people who don’t normally exhibit attention-seeking behavior.

Histrionic personality disorder

According to the National Library of Medicine , histrionic personality disorder is characterized by feeling underappreciated when not the center of attention. For someone to receive a diagnosis of histrionic personality disorder, they need to meet at least 5 of the following criteria:

uncomfortable when not the center of attention

provocative or seductive behavior

shallow and shifting emotions

using appearance to draw attention

vague or impressionistic speech

exaggerated or dramatic emotions

is suggestible

treating relationships as more intimate than they are

Borderline personality disorder

Borderline personality disorder is a continuing pattern of instability in self-image, interpersonal relationships, emotion, and impulsivity. According to the National Institute of Mental Health , for someone to receive a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, they need to display at least 5 of the following criteria:

frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

a pattern of intense and unstable interpersonal relationships with extremes between devaluation and idealization

a decidedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

engaging in potentially self-damaging, impulsive behavior

recurring self-harm or suicidal behavior, including threats or gestures

emotionally instability in daily reactions, such as through irritability, anxiety, or intense sadness

chronic feelings of emptiness

inappropriately intense anger that’s often difficult to control

transient, stress-related paranoia or disassociation

Narcissistic personality disorder

Those with narcissistic personality disorder typically have a need for admiration with a lack of empathy. According to the American Psychiatric Association, for someone to receive a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder, they need to display at least 5 of the following criteria:

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How does your crush act when you're alone versus when you're all together? Do they suddenly become someone you don’t recognize? Winter warns that if "you can't help but notice that your crush has a major personality change the moment your friend appears," there is something more going on, especially if they suddenly, "become giddy with excitement, flirtatious and seductive, or seek to draw attention to themselves by being loud and boisterous." They're probably either nervous, or working hard to get your friend’s attention. Either way, the writing is on the wall and it spells out: Bummer. Listen, I get it. It’s never fun to realize that the person you’re into prefers someone else, but what should you do if you find yourself in this situation? You could keep pursuing them, but Winter says you’re better off in the long run if you just cut it off.

“Why struggle to be the second place choice?" she asks. “You can't fight chemistry (or lack thereof). Here's where we have to bite the bullet and let it go. We never want to enter a romance with someone who doesn't want us. That's an affair destined to create heartache.” And she's not wrong. Once I realized that I was better off investing my energy in people who felt the same way about me, it did wonders for my personal happiness and success in the old romance department. Also, I dropped that friend — who needs that kind of drama, am I right?

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