Soulmate Gem
Soulmate Gem
Photo: Mikhail Nilov
Many people are perfectly happy enjoying life as a single person. Comfortable flying solo, they are not looking for a partner, and accordingly, are often perceived as both content and comfortable. Their confidence is attractive, and accordingly, so are they.
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Read More »While some people are happy being single, others are anxious about their status and how they come across to other people. Research suggests that people do not perceive those who fear being single as any less attractive than they are. People who fear being single, however, may view themselves as less attractive than they really are. Many people are perfectly happy enjoying life as a single person. Comfortable flying solo, they are not looking for a partner, and accordingly, are often perceived as both content and comfortable. Their confidence is attractive, and accordingly, so are they. Examining the science of seduction, there is nothing quite like the allure of the unattainable, which is what many happily single people appear to be. In addition, we are drawn to others who are positive. We enjoy the company of single people who are relaxed and in a good mood, and we can all relate to the attraction of positivity—both socially and often even physically. People who are self-conscious or anxious about being single, on the other hand, feel very differently. Unhappy and pessimistic, perhaps even feeling stigmatized, as I discussed in a prior column, they fear that their awkwardness or discomfort makes them less attractive to others. But is that really true? Research has some positive news.
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Read More »Of significance to single people, is—are they attractive to others? Participants in the study conducted by Spielmann et al. rated their own perceived level of physical attraction and were rated by others in a photo-rating study. This revealed some positive news. For the judge-raters, FOBS was not linked with a perception of being less physically attractive, a finding which is no doubt a relief to many people out on the dating scene. The findings were mixed, however, in terms of FOBS and self-rated physical attractiveness. Why would a single person rate themselves as less attractive as they really are? Spielmann et al. reported that self-rated physical attractiveness was more likely due to anxious attachment, which they note is consistent with research linking anxious attachment with negative self-perceptions of attractiveness. And they explain that although they cannot test alternative explanations with their data, they opine that perhaps, people with stronger FOBS perceive themselves as lower in mate value in other dimensions such as sociability, personality, social status, fertility, or earning potential—whether or not such perceptions are accurate. They also raise the possibility that people with greater FOBS may be more likely to internalize societal prejudice toward singles, which might impact their goal of attracting a partner. The good news appears to be that whether someone is single by choice or not, singleness does not necessarily impact the way we are viewed by others. Recognizing that we are our own worst critics may help us to remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
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