Why are second marriages happier?

The biggest benefit of a second marriage is gratitude. Whatever the reason for a divorce, finding love again and exchanging vows feels like a second chance. Many couples are determined to do everything they can to make things work next time around. While not every second marriage is guaranteed, a couple can thrive.

goodhousekeeping.com - How Second Marriages Can Be Better Than the First - Good Housekeeping

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I got married for the second time five years ago, just two months before the 2010 Nashville flood claimed our house. As I stood in the dressing area in my tea-length white gown, I knew there would be tough times ahead. I didn't know what — or how soon — those would be, but I knew when I said "I do," I'd be committing to facing life's challenges as one half of a couple. When you marry for the first time, you don't usually think about those things. You're young and in love. If you're thinking past your honeymoon, you're doing better than most. But with a second marriage, you're all-too aware that the story doesn't end as you leave the church, like it does in the movies. This, along with many other things, makes a second marriage much different than a first one. Here are nine big differences between a first and second marriage.

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1. Things start off the right way.

That mega-wedding that launches most first marriages is fortunately missing the second time around. Instead of starting off your union worrying about floral arrangements and place cards, you're focused on the years together that follow your wedding day.

2. You're older and wiser.

First marriages generally take place in our twenties, which means we often have no idea who we are, let alone the person we're marrying. With a second marriage, you've already been through all that and you're now ready to tackle the complexities of a real relationship.

3. It's entirely up to you.

The first time you wed, you probably felt pressure from your peers. After all, most of us spend our twenties attending nuptials and baby showers. The second, you've put serious time into thinking about the commitment marriage brings.

4. No one wants to repeat the ugliness of divorce.

After a split, all you have to do is look at your divorce papers to remember what you went through. The memories of meetings with lawyers and battling over furniture likely still feel fresh years later. When your marriage hits a bumpy patch, all you have to do is keep in mind what a complicated, grueling, expensive process divorce is — and you push to figure things out.

5. Romance is worth the effort.

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Over the years, you learn a few things through experience. You learn it's easier to lounge on the sofa than to go to the gym, but your body pays the price. After a failed marriage, you learn that as easy as complacency seems, the effort that goes into showing your spouse you care is well worth it in the end.

6. It's complicated — but you can handle it.

No second marriage is completely simple. There may be angry exes, shared custody issues, blended families, and other forms of preexisting drama. This can prove challenging to a couple, perhaps explaining the high divorce rate in second marriages.

7. Emotional triggers are already out there.

Unless you fully worked out the residual issues from your last relationship, there may be emotional triggers. If your ex was unfaithful, you may find yourself unable to avoid suspicion when your second spouse works late. Whatever those triggers are, if you can find a way to recognize them for what they are, you'll be able to overcome them.

8. Time is precious.

When you marry at 25, "'til death do us part" means quite a few years. At this stage, it's more like 40 years. With the average life expectancy now having topped 80 years of age, a woman marrying at 25 could possibly spend more than a half a century with her husband. The older a couple gets, the more that number drops.

9. Gratitude makes a good foundation.

The biggest benefit of a second marriage is gratitude. Whatever the reason for a divorce, finding love again and exchanging vows feels like a second chance. Many couples are determined to do everything they can to make things work next time around.While not every second marriage is guaranteed, a couple can thrive. Having survived a failed relationship, these newlyweds appreciate the chance they've been given to do things the right way this time.