Why am I so attracted to someone I barely know?

A study published in Psychological Science reveals that being unavailable is indeed attractive. We tend to be more attracted to someone whose feelings are unclear. We think about them so much because we are trying to figure them out. It's a major reason why you can't get this new person out of your head.

ideapod.com - 13 reasons you can't stop thinking about someone you barely know

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Did you just meet someone you can’t stop thinking about them?

You instantly felt a deep connection and romantic feelings towards this incredible person who crossed your path.

But you just can’t get them out of your mind.

I get it. It can feel incredible to meet someone new who uplifts, challenges, and inspires us in new ways. There are some simple reasons why you are probably thinking about this special person so much, so I’ll take you through the major ones first. I will also give you useful strategies to try to refocus your mind when this type of thinking starts to feel too much. Let’s jump right in:

13 reasons you can’t stop thinking about someone you barely know

1) You feel an immediate attraction

When you feel an immediate attraction for someone new, you first see that in an extremely favorable and attractive light.

They can do no wrong.

Feeling an instant spark will make you focus on this person. You feel drawn to them and they’ve struck a deep chord inside you. There’s something so special about the way they smile, or how they talk, or when they look at you deeply in the eyes and you feel your heart start to race.

So you think about all of their beautiful and charming qualities.

You smile when you think of them. It makes you feel good to feel so attracted. While you can feel a strong chemistry with someone, it can be because you feel safe and close to them, or extremely similar, or exciting. Perhaps this person feels like they get you, just as you are and you can feel how attracted they are to you as well. So, your mind starts to wonder how you will cross paths again, or what you should text or say next. Feeling immediately attracted to someone can take up our thoughts because you might feel strong feelings for them but have no idea what they are experiencing and if they share the same attraction that you feel. So you replay your encounter and think of all their details to try to find some clues.

2) You feel lonely

Let’s be honest for a moment. Are you feeling lonely?

I’ve been there, I’ve had moments when I’ve felt like I have no one special to share my life with like no one sees who I am and understands me. So when I meet someone new, and they seem interested in getting to know me, I start to think that this person is finally “the one.” This is the one who will finally understand me. Or save me. Or change my life in a way that I haven’t had the courage or energy to look at. If you are feeling lonely, it’s time to honestly look at how that affects how you look at someone new and what you expect from them.

3) A highly intuitive advisor confirms it

The signs I’m revealing in this article will give you a good idea about the reasons you can’t stop thinking about someone you barely know.

But could you get even more clarity by speaking to a gifted advisor?

Clearly, you have to find someone you can trust. With so many fake experts out there, it’s important to have a pretty good BS detector. After going through a messy break up, I recently tried Psychic Source. They provided me with the guidance I needed in life, including who I am meant to be with. I was actually blown away by how kind, caring, and genuinely helpful they were. A gifted advisor can not only tell you why you can’t stop thinking about someone you don’t even know, but they can also reveal all your love possibilities.

4) You’re drawn to his personality and attitude

But then again, you might feel great and not lonely at all. You might find that this person that you barely know is extremely funny, charming, strong, humble, and captivating. You might be thinking about them so much because they seem so rare. They might have a unique combination of traits that you admire and desire. You don’t know how, but this new person is just pulling you in, with all of their positive qualities, vibe, and charisma.

The more you are around them, the better you feel.

And it’s not just you. You notice that other people radiate and flock towards this person as well.

They are full of natural charisma.

No wonder you think about this person so much, they are charming. Even if you barely know each other or have just started dating, you are captivated by their very attractive aura.

5) It could be a sign of obsession

If you’re in a romantic relationship or dating someone for a long time, it’s normal to think about someone often. But when you’ve just met someone, you might be thinking about them constantly because you are creating an unhealthy obsession with them. What’s isn’t normal is when you start to think about them so much that you become unable to focus on anything else in your life and you can’t function well.

This kind of obsession isn’t good for your mental health.

Here are some warning signs of being obsessed with someone:

You’re likely to stalk him in every way you can

Your friendship and relationship with others are suffering

You seek unwanted attention from the person

Ask yourself what might be causing you to obsess over him and is it holding you back from living your daily life?

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6) You’re drawn to their mysterious ways

Sometimes we think about someone we barely know constantly because we just can’t figure them out.

They are an unending mystery and full of pleasant surprises.

It could be the way they seem wise beyond their years or the way they carry themselves, or the way they won’t tell you everything on their mind. A study published in Psychological Science reveals that being unavailable is indeed attractive. We tend to be more attracted to someone whose feelings are unclear. We think about them so much because we are trying to figure them out. It’s a major reason why you can’t get this new person out of your head.

They are a complete enigma to you.

Their aloofness and withdrawn nature pull you in closer. You want to reach out and understand them more. You want to figure them out.

This person is a challenge.

You want to have full access to their thoughts and know their innermost feelings. Your subconscious mind is trying to figure out who this person is, and because you’re so intrigued, you can’t help but think so much of this person you just met.

7) You’re using the person as a distraction

It’s easy to become hyperfocused on someone you just met if you don’t like other parts of your life, and want to distract yourself.

Are you happy with your life right now? Do certain parts of it feel off?

Thinking of this person all day might be your way to distract yourself from other areas of your life and be a quick way to lift your mood. For example, if work feels difficult, you might spend your time looking up this new and wonderful stranger online so you can get to know everything you can. Or, if you are experiencing a challenging time with your family or friends, you might choose to fill your thoughts with this new person because they make you laugh or smile and feel desire.

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Instead of dealing with deadlines or conflicts or changes that you need to make in your life, you keep yourself preoccupied with this new distraction.

If you’re unable to stop thinking about someone you barely know out of distraction, have you considered getting to the root of the issue?

You see, most of our shortcomings in love stem from our own complicated inner relationship with ourselves – how can you fix the external without seeing to the internal first?

I learned this from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, in his incredible free video on Love and Intimacy. So, if you want to stop thinking about someone else and start focusing on your own life, you first need to reconnect with yourself.

Check out the free video here.

You’ll find practical solutions and much more in Rudá’s powerful video, solutions that’ll stay with you for life.

8) You’re projecting

If you find that you are thinking about someone new over and over again, it could be that you are projecting onto them. According to licensed psychotherapist Karen R. Koenig, M.Ed, LCSW, projection is “unconsciously taking unwanted emotions or traits you don’t like about yourself and attributing them to someone else.” For example, if you don’t like feeling vulnerable and opening up to someone, you might about all the ways that this new person is closed off and reserved. You keep thinking of ways to convince yourself that they are this certain way. This keeps you feeling distant because you’ve told yourself all the reasons why he is acting like that.

You may not realize that you’re doing this.

When your project, you turn a new person into a subconscious fantasy.

Be Careful. When you notice yourself thinking about someone new all the time, you might be placing your feelings, thoughts, flaws, fears, and quirks towards this person and not realize.

Projection isn’t reality.

It’s a common way that we can protect ourselves from aspects of our personality that we don’t find acceptable.

It’s easier to project your fantasy when you barely know this person.

And when you imagine a person to be a fantasy, it becomes hard for you to get them out of your mind.

9) He feels familiar

Perhaps you are thinking about this person you just met because they remind you of someone that you already know, and you feel like you already know so much about them. This new person could remind you of your high school sweetheart or a friend that you used to feel very close with. They might even have you remembering a family member that was very close to you. Sometimes we are attracted to a specific type of person because they make us feel familiar feelings. When we are around them, we feel like we already understand them. But sometimes we are continuously attracted to a certain personality or set of behaviors because are meant to learn a lesson that we haven’t quite mastered yet. If you have been thinking about someone you barely know all day, they could be the answer to a question that has been on your mind for a very long time.

10) You’re dealing with anxious attachment

When you find yourself thinking about someone all day, do you also feel an overwhelming sense of anxiety?

I’ve been there. I’ve met someone who felt new and incredible and then fears started to set in. I started to worry that I would say the wrong thing, or replay our interactions and feel anxious that I made mistakes in our interactions. I constantly worried that I said or did the wrong thing. So I would think about them more and more and replay the interactions over and over again. This happens often if we have an anxious or preoccupied attachment style. and we look to others for affirmation and approval. Or sometimes, we look at new infatuations as a way to deal with ones that didn’t work out.

There are other reasons why we get emotionally attached too easily, including:

There’s an emotional void that needs to be filled

We have past issues of abandonment

We feel uncomfortable being single or feeling lonely

We were ignored when we were children by a parent or caregiver

11) You feel down and depressed

If you find yourself thinking of a person you barely know, it could be because you’re feeling down and depressed and thoughts of them make you feel a little better. This is true especially if you just ended a relationship with your former lover. You might be distracting yourself by thinking of someone that you have just met because it helps you feel less pain and loss. If you allow this person to dominate your thoughts, you probably don’t want to feel so down and blue anymore. As Rudá explains in this video, many of us chase love in a toxic way because there is something off with our own inner experience. I mentioned this incredible video earlier. We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters because we feel a deep sense of depression or hold the feeling of being unworthy to be with this person. While watching Rudá’s video, I felt like someone honestly understood my struggles and finally offered an actual, practical solution to feeling unloved and down. If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships, and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.

12) You feel an instant sexual connection

Feeling like you immediately connect with someone sexually is rare, so this can make you think about them constantly. Meeting someone that you finally connect with on multiple emotional and physical levels can feel like the greatest gift that you’ve come across in a long time.

Just thinking about this person brings you positive feelings and sensations.

It gives you a sense of excitement and makes you feel alive to think about how strong your physical chemistry is. You don’t even know what to do with it. So it’s easy to get lost in your mind and fantasies. Remember to take things slow, and be honest with yourself and what you are experiencing. It’s important to make sure that you get to know this person for who they are, not just for how they make you feel.

13) You’re attached to relationship goals

Sometimes we can think about someone we just met over and over again because we have relationship goals and a hope of where we want the relationship to lead. We all get excited when we imagine that someone we just met can fit into our idea of what a perfect relationship is.

Relationship expert Paul Bashea Williams shares,

“People become married to the potential of having something long-term. It isn’t necessarily about the specific person they just met, it’s about the relationship status they had expectations of gaining.” This means that you may not stop thinking about this new, special not because you’re thinking of the person, but are focused on what you might create and find with them.

You get focused on the result of a “what-could-have-been” relationship.

That’s when it’s easy to fill your mind with wishful thinking as you idealize the person that you barely know.

This can be a dangerous way of thinking.

Rather than getting to know the person as they are or how you will both naturally relate with one another, you become fixated on the plausible outcome of the relationship and constantly think about that all day long. 9 things to try when you can’t stop thinking of someone you barely know

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You probably starting to realize why you might be thinking way too much about this new person in your life. If thinking so much about this person is getting in the way of your daily life and affecting your sleeping habits, it isn’t healthy anymore.

So now what can you try?

Here are some simple tips to try to get this person off your mind:

1) What do you want?

Ask yourself what do you want with this person?

Do you crave a deep friendship, a casual relationship, a deep romance, or sex?

If your mind is immersed in unrealized hopes and dreams, you can perhaps talk to this person to see what they are also wanting and bring yourself back to the reality of your budding relationship.

2) Try not to suppress your thoughts

According to Healthline, when you suppress your thoughts (or feelings) they tend to become stronger. So when you put an effort and push this person off your head, the more they will stick there. Instead, when you find yourself in deep thought about this person, try to shift and think about something else (like your dog, your friends, the color of your house, etc.)

3) Accept the reality

Tune in towards those thoughts instead of away from them.

While it may seem illogical, this strategy will help you accept the reality of the situation.

And make meditation practices work for you.

By exploring and sitting down on your thoughts, you can work on letting them loose and get past you.

4) Take a break from them

Why not take time to have a break and try a new experience with someone else to give you new things to think about?

Try to limit yourself from checking them on social media or spending time with them. You could also pull back and limit your texts, calls, and video chats. Try waiting until they contact you first. By taking a step back, you can lessen those thoughts from lingering in your head.

5) Do things with your time

Spend most of your time doing the things you love. This will keep you busy and will take your mind away from this new captivating person. It’s the best time to spend time with your family and hang out with friends. You can also enroll in an online fitness class, start a new hobby, or join community events. When this person occupies your thoughts at night, get a good book or watch a great movie instead.

6) Stay focused on the moment

Keep yourself in tune with reality.

For example, when you are out to dinner with your friends, where is your mind? When you are exercising, are you focusing on what you are doing?

Can you keep your mind on exactly what you are doing?

Practicing mindfulness will help you focus. This way you can enjoy and experience life fully as it happens.

7) Think more for and about yourself

Self-love makes you feel complete and happy.

So instead of spending too much of your time and energy thinking or daydreaming about this new person that you barely know, try focusing more on yourself. Think about your needs and give yourself the same love that you’re giving this person.

See yourself as worthy of being loved and cared for.

As shaman Rudá Iandê shares in his love and intimacy masterclass, “This key is to take responsibility for yourself, for your life, for your happiness, and your misfortunes. To commit with yourself first, respect yourself, and make sure you have a relationship of love.”

8) Do some soul searching

Get to know yourself more to understand your feelings better.

See yourself in a better light with all those amazing qualities. In doing so, you’ll see that you don’t need someone to validate you.

Journaling helps a lot.

Instead of thinking or writing about this person, write about your thoughts and feelings. Think about the great qualities that you have and be thankful for them. Write about your dreams, your plans, and your desires.

9) Stop feeding your thoughts

You will keep thinking of this person and it will get stronger when you keep feeding your mind. While it can make you happy in one way or another, continuously doing it can be hurtful, to say the least. If this man pops up in your mind, acknowledge it. But never refuel your thoughts or indulge in them further. Just give your mind something new to focus on.

Take charge of your mind

Sometimes it can be frustrating and disappointing when our thoughts get wrapped up with someone we barely know or just met. While it’s normal to think of other people, we can’t let this control our lives. Thinking of someone you barely know or someone you’ve just met and dated is something every woman experiences at some point in her life. So don’t stress and worry too much about it. Change and personal growth are not easy to process. Your mind will take time to sort things out. But by acknowledging your thoughts and your feelings, you’ll get to understand what you are truly experiencing. This will make you realize that the attachment is not as strong as you think it is.

Then, gradually control these thoughts and work on letting them go.

Live your glorious life

So when you find that you are thinking about someone that you just met, all day and can’t get them out of your mind, you have two choices: You can let your thoughts and emotions and fantasies run wild and take over your life. Or you can refocus your mindset and take some time to get more comfortable and confident with the person you are. After all, we can’t control the people around us or force them to love us. You have the power to shift from toxic, unhealthy, and painful relationships to experience a more genuine, blissful, and happy life that is full of love. But it’s difficult to change our habits, and instantly bring these qualities into our relationships. We’ve been conditioned from a very young age to think happiness comes from the external. That when we discover the “perfect” person, we will suddenly feel fulfilled, happy, and secure in life. This type of thinking causes so many unhappy relationships. It also keeps you from living a life full of confidence, optimism, and personal freedom. This is why Rudá Iandê’s video on building loving and healthy relationships is so refreshing to watch. He gently reminds us that we can all feel empowered. But we have to figure out who we are and who we want to be.

You can watch the video for free here.

This discussion will start you on the path of developing a strong base of self-knowledge, which is a crucial key to enjoying your life and being confident with yourself, even if this special someone isn’t around. The more you can feel secure and connected to the wonderful person that you are, the better equipped you will be to approach new relationships. You will be able to step into them with more confidence in a way that is most kind and loving to you, and the person you’ve just met.

So, when you find yourself feeling excited about meeting someone new, why not take some time to step back from the frenzy and focus on and connect deeply with the one person who will be you all your life – you?

ideapod.com - 13 reasons you can't stop thinking about someone you barely know

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