Soulmate Gem
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Which child do parents love most?

“Parents tend to favour a child that is most like them, reminds them of themselves, or represents what they view as a success of parenting,” she says. “Younger children are most likely to have been raised by a parent who, over time and experience, is more confident and skilled in their child-raising.”

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Joanna knew she had a favourite child from the moment her second son was born. The Kent, UK-based mum says she loves both of her children, but her youngest child just “gets” her in a way that her first-born doesn’t. When Joanna’s first baby was delivered, he was rushed away from her due to a health concern, and she couldn’t see him for 24 hours. Missing this valuable bonding period was, she believes, the start of a long-lasting preference for her second son, whom she was able to spend time with immediately after he was born. “To sum our relationships up: I have to make an appointment to speak to my eldest,” says Joanna, whose full name is being withheld to protect her children. “With my youngest, I could call him at 0230 and he’d drive miles to meet me. My youngest is the nicest guy on the planet. He’s caring, generous, courteous and friendly. He’s the kind of person who would help anyone out.” Though she battled her feelings for years, Joanna says now she’s in a place of acceptance. “I could write a book on why I love one more than the other,” she says. “It’s been hard, but I haven’t got any guilt.” Unlike Joanna, most parents’ favouritism is subtle and goes undiscussed. Having a favourite child might be the greatest taboo of parenthood, yet research shows that the majority of parents do indeed have a favourite. With plenty of evidence to suggest that being the least-favoured child can fundamentally shape the personality and lead to intense sibling rivalries, it’s no wonder that parents might worry about letting their preferences slip. Yet research also shows that most kids can’t tell who their parents’ favourite child really is. The real issue, then, is how parents manage their children’s perception of favouritism.

Playing favourites

“Not every parent has a favourite child, but many do,” says Jessica Griffin, an associate professor of psychiatry and paediatrics at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, US. “Data suggests that mothers, in particular, show favouritism to children who have similar values to them and that engage more with family, over qualities such as being highly ambitious or career driven.”

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Do first-borns live longer?

But a statistical study of centenarians by researchers at the University of Chicago has found some other potential predictors of extreme longevity. Women and men who were the first born in large families, the study found, were two to three times more likely to make it to 100 than later-born children.

CENTENARIANS are different from the rest of us, and it's not just that they are a lot older. They are a select group, having persisted through wars, diseases, disasters and accidents that kill tens of millions of ordinary mortals every year. In looking at what makes a 100-year-old so special -- fewer than 2 in every 10,000 Americans live to that age or older -- those who study aging cite factors like genetics (particularly having two X chromosomes, as 85 percent of centenarians are women) and environmental influences like good nutrition and health habits. But a statistical study of centenarians by researchers at the University of Chicago has found some other potential predictors of extreme longevity. Women and men who were the first born in large families, the study found, were two to three times more likely to make it to 100 than later-born children. Those raised in the rural West had a better chance of reaching that age. And people of advanced age who were born in October and November had longer life expectancy than those born in April through June.

So if you are a fall baby, the first child of a farming couple from Boise, are you a safe bet to make it to 100?

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