What to do if someone keeps looking at you?

If you catch someone staring at you, do the opposite of what you've been taught: stare right back at them. By doing so, you let them know that you acknowledge what they're doing and prompt them to speak up if they want to communicate with you. In most cases, starers having nothing substantial to communicate.

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Inappropriate Stares Making You Uncomfortable? You’re Not Alone Why this gesture is always wrong and tips to deal with it Picture from Vintage Everyday “Being stared at somehow creates a sense of shame, as though the soul suddenly assumes a face and must hide it, turning away wordless, cast off.” — Berger (1996, p. 135) You might have come across a grayscale picture of men staring at women in shorts. Captured in 1937, it supposedly depicts the first time women wore shorts in public. In 1937, you can blame the heads turning on novelty. But what do you do someone repeatedly stares at your legs on a hot summer day in 2021? I was taking a walk near my place last evening. It was 42 degrees, and I was wearing knee-length shorts. I was lost in a work call when an entourage of three women passed by. I noticed they were staring at my legs. At first, I glared back at them. But when all three of them turned their heads around for the third time and muttered something among themselves, I shouted at them to keep their eyes on the road while walking. Embarrassed, they scuttled away. Living in a metropolitan city in India, I am used to inappropriate stares. According to a 2015 survey by ActionAid UK, nearly four out of five urban Indian women have reported facing public harassment. Uncomfortable stares make up a majority of them. As a child, I was taught to look away when I caught someone staring at me. The excuses ranged from “They’re just staring. You can’t reprimand people for staring,” “You’re wearing such short clothes. What do you expect?” to “People stare all the time at everyone. That doesn’t mean you go about shouting at them.” However, growing up, I understood inappropriate staring is always wrong and empowered myself to raise my voice against such people. It’s not just a harmless stare if you’re uncomfortable Staring is powerful non-verbal communication. When someone stares at you, they create a non-verbal relationship between you, the staree, and them, the starer. An interesting Sagepub article discusses why. By staring, the other person is communicating with you. They’re sending signals that suggest you appear different to them, and most of the time, not in a way they like. The starer starts feeling that they have an undue right to judge you, to make you feel uncomfortable. This is something you don’t yield to them, but they still take from you by force. Your brain registers the act of staring as a sign that you’re different or not normal. This can be due to something you’re carrying (such as a fancy prop), what you’re wearing, or how you look. But once you notice and perceive a stare, you become conscious of yourself. As Colin Clifford, professor of psychology at the University of Sydney, explains on Healthline, “Direct gaze can signal dominance or a threat, and if you perceive something as a threat, you would not want to miss it.” Staring eventually has a compounding negative effect on your self-esteem. Every time someone stares at you, they make you slightly more uncomfortable by imposing the idea that you’re different than normal in some way. Ultimately, repeated staring nurtures negative self-perception in an individual. No matter what the intention, uncomfortable stares are always powerful because it gives the starer the power to make you feel victimized. Don’t ignore it: Tips to deal with the starer Uncomfortable staring is more common than you realize. Some people don’t need a reason to stare. Also, such people don’t just target women wearing short clothes. People with physical disabilities, autistic people, people of a certain race, skin color, and physical stature are also victims. So how do you respond to inappropriate stares? The easiest thing to do is to make eye contact. Let them know you notice them. If they don’t look away, understand that they want you to notice they’re staring. That’s okay if you, too, are okay with the gesture. For instance, if it’s from someone you’re interested in at a coffee house. Or if you’re a tourist and you know people are staring at you out of curiosity. However, if the stare makes you uncomfortable in any way, know that it’s is wrong enough for you to raise your voice against it. Uncomfortable staring is always wrong If someone is making you uncomfortable by staring at you, understand that they’re the one who’s wrong. I’d spent all my teenage years feeling something was wrong with me when I caught someone staring inappropriately. Growing up, knowing and acknowledging otherwise has empowered me. I now know that I have the right to defend myself against inappropriate starers under all circumstances. Stare back at the starer If you catch someone staring at you, do the opposite of what you’ve been taught: stare right back at them. By doing so, you let them know that you acknowledge what they’re doing and prompt them to speak up if they want to communicate with you. In most cases, starers having nothing substantial to communicate. When they notice that you notice them, they avert their eyes out of realization and shame. Call them out Staring back works in most cases. But sometimes, you encounter stubborn starers. They think they’re powerful enough to own your attention. The staring back only encourages them more. With such people, break the non-verbal chain and flag their inappropriateness out loud. I did this on a train ride two years ago. I was traveling alone and was looking out of the window when I noticed a man on the diagonally opposite seat staring. When I glared right back, he smiled through his tainted teeth and continued to stare. Shaken up, I took a deep breath and shouted in the loudest voice I could muster, “Hey! Do I have something I owe you, buddy? You’ve been staring at me for quite some time now.” I made sure I was loud enough for everyone in the compartment to hear. When I did this, I killed two birds with a stone. I discouraged the other person, and I exposed their inappropriateness to people around me. This alerted everyone to the man’s perverse behavior. He got up from the seat and left immediately.

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