What makes someone fall in love with you?

According to Hani Henry, chair and associate professor of psychology in the Department of Sociology, Anthropology, Psychology and Egyptology at AUC, Robert Sternberg's psychological theory covers the most common reasons why we fall in love, namely: intimacy, passion and commitment.

aucegypt.edu - Top Three Reasons Why We Fall in Love

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"Love makes the world go 'round," but exactly why do we fall in love?

According to Hani Henry, chair and associate professor of psychology in the Department of Sociology, Anthropology, Psychology and Egyptology at AUC, Robert Sternberg’s psychological theory covers the most common reasons why we fall in love, namely: intimacy, passion and commitment.

Intimacy

Falling in love for intimate reasons can be described as having a basic friendship; it lacks commitment and passion. “Besides developing a close connection with someone, a lot of people seek intimacy for self-enhancement; it doesn’t necessarily have to be for sex,” said Henry. “Sometimes it’s self-serving. Everyone likes to feel cared for and loved. Women want to feel their femininity, and men want to feel their masculinity.” Adele’s song Hello is a perfect example of how intimacy is captured. In the song's chorus, Adele contacts her ex-boyfriend and pours out her heartbreak from the relationship. She explains that many years have passed and she hasn't done much healing. “Her lyrics are magical and speak for a lot of people who want to have an emotional connection with anyone or a short-term relationship,” he said.

Passion

Letting ourselves fall in love because of desire or strong feelings for a person is normal. Passionate love is developed as a result of feelings that lead to sexual attraction, physical interest and romance. “When you see someone you like, you are captivated by something that draws you to that person,” explained Henry. “The attraction is physical, and there is a fascination with the hair, eyes and body.” In the absence of intimacy and commitment, infatuation is developed with the person you love. “People are drawn and quickly develop lust. Some people are obsessed and see that person as a type of object. You can be with someone for years and don’t feel there is commonality between you and that person,” he said.

Commitment

Commitment is complete love. “People who seek commitment want stability and a healthy relationship,” he said. “If people only seek commitment, they may lack sexual attraction and basic friendship interests.” According to Henry, in modern times, young adults are interested in objects more than relationships. “The objectification comes from consumerism,” he explained. “The more consumeristic the culture becomes, the less interest people have in commitments. Some youth are more interested in impressing people they don’t care about. So everything needs to be consumed, even relationships with people.”

Love Outside the Triangular Theory

Although it’s common that anyone can relate to Sternberg’s love theory, we all have our personal reasons for falling in love. “Your reason for falling in love doesn’t necessarily need to be explained by science. Some personal needs can be the fear of being alone, social peer pressure, satisfaction or religious values,” Henry said. Despite what psychology has to say about love, the type of love we choose defines who we are. We have our own way of understanding what makes us happy and fulfills our human needs. “Some people are caught with a need that meets each dimension of the triangle and they can’t give up on two because of the different needs they get. Love is very complex.”

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Why do I feel a soul connection with someone?

When you feel a soul tie, it's simply the sense that another soul is in your life for a reason. For example, if your life is very busy yet you meet a new potential friend or potential business partner, the sense that you have a soul tie to this person could inspire you to make room in your life for the relationship.

mindbodygreen.com - Soulmate: 12 Types Of Soul Mates & How To Recognize Them

Many Eastern religions and philosophies discuss the concept of past lives. I can always tell when a client has met someone they knew well in a past life by the way they describe the connection. If the connection is manifesting as a romance, they might say, "I've never felt this way before!" When two souls have shared a significant past life together (or perhaps several), if they meet again in this life they may be inexplicably drawn to each other—and the sexual chemistry can be off the charts. What people are feeling is the built-up energy over other lifetimes together—and a soul recognition. Although you can have a soul recognition with any type of soul mate, the past-life ones (whether you were at odds or best friends in a past life) are extremely powerful. According to Brian Weiss, M.D., psychiatrist and past-life regression expert, two souls could agree to reincarnate and navigate toward each other after spending 1,000 earth years apart—which is quite romantic! Yet just because you had a significant past life with someone and are feeling all the feelings, it doesn't necessarily mean you are supposed to partner, romantically or otherwise, in this lifetime. Judge the relationship by who you both are today and how you treat each other now. If you suspect a past-life connection with a current lover, try to bring more healing to the situation, even if you break up. This might look like releasing them with love, wishing them well yet out of your life. Often when souls come back together in this lifetime they are looking to heal something or do better this time around.

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