What makes a relationship last long?

Be honest. Secrets and lies weaken the foundation of any relationship. Ignoring problems (another form of keeping secrets) doesn't make them go away. What is important is respectful, open communication regarding your feelings and dreams.

stanfordchildrens.org - How to Make Love Last Forever - Stanford Children's Health

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How to Make Love Last Forever

Keeping your primary relationship healthy, positive, supportive and together isn’t easy. But it can be done. “We expect a lot from our relationships, and the fact is, long-term marriages or relationships are difficult to sustain, given the pressures most of us live with,” says Sue Maisch, L.S.W., a family and child counselor in Glenwood Springs, Colo. “To make it work, couples need the maturity to realize a long-lasting relationship will entail sacrifice, commitment and hard work, but that the payoff of a deeper love and stable, loving home life is well worth the effort.”

Here are suggestions on how to strengthen the connection with your partner.

Practice forgiveness

Resentment, anger and blame are normal reactions when your loved one does something hurtful. Without forgiveness, however, little hurts as well as betrayals can tear a relationship apart. “People who don’t forgive often have problems maintaining positive feelings toward their partners,” says Ms. Maisch. “But partners who move toward forgiveness are better able to maintain their connection because they make a conscious decision not to dwell on the mistakes their partner has made.”

Be realistic

Every long-term relationship will have its share of disappointments. But learning to look beyond a particular bad patch to see your partner objectively and lovingly can pull you through. “Remembering and nourishing memories of happy times you’ve had together can help you get past irritation and those times when you’re wondering if you want to stay in the relationship,” says Ms. Maisch.

Develop rituals

The way you and your partner say good-bye or hello, or how you celebrate birthdays or anniversaries year after year can help build a strong connection that can keep you emotionally committed during times of conflict. For example, taking time to kiss your partner good-bye every morning when you leave for work -- no matter how late or distracted you are -- tells him or her that in the grand scheme of things your relationship is a high priority.

Listen actively

“Jumping in and interrupting when your partner is trying to tell you something can make him or her frustrated or discouraged,” says Ms. Maisch. “It’s crucial to listen more than you speak when you’re having a serious discussion.”

Be honest

Secrets and lies weaken the foundation of any relationship. Ignoring problems (another form of keeping secrets) doesn’t make them go away. What is important is respectful, open communication regarding your feelings and dreams.

Fight fair

Even the truest of friends and most compatible partners argue. To keep your disagreements from damaging your relationship, set up some respectful ground rules during a calm moment. These might include no name-calling or criticizing, making sure each person gets to have a say, really listening to each other and taking a break from the discussion if it gets too heated, as long as you promise to revisit the issues within a day or two.

Get help if you’re stuck

If you and your partner keep having the same arguments with no progress in sight, seek help from a therapist or marriage counselor. “Above all don’t wait until your connection has been seriously damaged before you get help,” says Ms. Maisch. “Get counseling before one or both of you become entrenched in negative emotions.”

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Who lives longer married or single?

The death rate was 1,735 per 100,000 for lifelong bachelors and 1,773 for divorced men. Married women had a death rate of 569 per 100,000, two-and-a-half times lower than the 1,482 rate for widows.

webmd.com - Marriage Tied to Longer Life Span, New Data Shows - WebMD

THURSDAY, Oct. 10, 2019 (HealthDay News) -- Married folks not only live longer than singles, but the longevity gap between the two groups is growing, U.S. government health statisticians report. The age-adjusted death rate for the married declined by 7% between 2010 and 2017, according to a new study from the National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS), part of the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. "Not only is the rate for married lower, but it's declining more than any other group," said lead author Sally Curtin, an NCHS statistician. Statistically, death rate is the annual number of deaths for every 100,000 people. It's adjusted so that a 26-year-old and an 80-year-old married or widowed or divorced are on equal footing. The new study reported that the death rate for never-marrieds declined only 2%, while that for divorced people hasn't changed at all. Worst off were the widowed, for whom the death rate rose 6%. They have the highest death rate of all the categories, researchers said.

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