What makes a person fall in love with you?

According to Hani Henry, chair and associate professor of psychology in the Department of Sociology, Anthropology, Psychology and Egyptology at AUC, Robert Sternberg's psychological theory covers the most common reasons why we fall in love, namely: intimacy, passion and commitment.

aucegypt.edu - Top Three Reasons Why We Fall in Love

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"Love makes the world go 'round," but exactly why do we fall in love?

According to Hani Henry, chair and associate professor of psychology in the Department of Sociology, Anthropology, Psychology and Egyptology at AUC, Robert Sternberg’s psychological theory covers the most common reasons why we fall in love, namely: intimacy, passion and commitment.

Intimacy

Falling in love for intimate reasons can be described as having a basic friendship; it lacks commitment and passion. “Besides developing a close connection with someone, a lot of people seek intimacy for self-enhancement; it doesn’t necessarily have to be for sex,” said Henry. “Sometimes it’s self-serving. Everyone likes to feel cared for and loved. Women want to feel their femininity, and men want to feel their masculinity.” Adele’s song Hello is a perfect example of how intimacy is captured. In the song's chorus, Adele contacts her ex-boyfriend and pours out her heartbreak from the relationship. She explains that many years have passed and she hasn't done much healing. “Her lyrics are magical and speak for a lot of people who want to have an emotional connection with anyone or a short-term relationship,” he said.

Passion

Letting ourselves fall in love because of desire or strong feelings for a person is normal. Passionate love is developed as a result of feelings that lead to sexual attraction, physical interest and romance. “When you see someone you like, you are captivated by something that draws you to that person,” explained Henry. “The attraction is physical, and there is a fascination with the hair, eyes and body.” In the absence of intimacy and commitment, infatuation is developed with the person you love. “People are drawn and quickly develop lust. Some people are obsessed and see that person as a type of object. You can be with someone for years and don’t feel there is commonality between you and that person,” he said.

Commitment

Commitment is complete love. “People who seek commitment want stability and a healthy relationship,” he said. “If people only seek commitment, they may lack sexual attraction and basic friendship interests.” According to Henry, in modern times, young adults are interested in objects more than relationships. “The objectification comes from consumerism,” he explained. “The more consumeristic the culture becomes, the less interest people have in commitments. Some youth are more interested in impressing people they don’t care about. So everything needs to be consumed, even relationships with people.”

Love Outside the Triangular Theory

Although it’s common that anyone can relate to Sternberg’s love theory, we all have our personal reasons for falling in love. “Your reason for falling in love doesn’t necessarily need to be explained by science. Some personal needs can be the fear of being alone, social peer pressure, satisfaction or religious values,” Henry said. Despite what psychology has to say about love, the type of love we choose defines who we are. We have our own way of understanding what makes us happy and fulfills our human needs. “Some people are caught with a need that meets each dimension of the triangle and they can’t give up on two because of the different needs they get. Love is very complex.”

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How long should you stare at a girl?

Whether you're checking out a beautiful woman or glancing at the new guy at work, count to three in your head and then look away. Why? Because new research from the U.K. shows that the perfect amount of time to stare at someone is about 3.3 seconds. Any longer or shorter and you'll creep them out, the study suggests.

menshealth.com - You Can Stare At Someone For This Many Seconds Before They Start to ...

Whether you’re checking out a beautiful woman or glancing at the new guy at work, count to three in your head and then look away. Why? Because new research from the U.K. shows that the perfect amount of time to stare at someone is about 3.3 seconds. Any longer or shorter and you’ll creep them out, the study suggests. Related: The Men’s Health Better Man Project—2,000+ Quick Tricks For Living Your Healthiest Life

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In the study, almost 500 people sat close to a screen displaying different clips of actors staring at them. On average, participants reported feeling uncomfortable when the actor’s gaze exceeded or stopped short of 3.3 seconds. This isn’t a physiological response, but rather, an unwritten social norm. “People learn and conform to a social standard that establishes how long the mutual gaze should last,” says Nicola Binetti, Ph.D., of University College London. Humans decided that around 3 seconds seemed like the right amount of time to stare and ran with it, much like we inherently know how firm our grasp should be when giving a handshake, Binetti says.

Related: 7 Things You Didn’t Know About Your Handshake

But say you really like what you see, and you want to keep subtly staring without getting slapped. In that case, position yourself diagonally from the recipient of your stares, says body language expert Marc Salem, the author of The Six Keys to Unlock and Empower Your Mind. People interpret side glances as less invasive than straight-on stares, he says. And when you’re talking to someone, keep your eyes on the bridge of their nose, says Salem. This will seem less intrusive than if you were to stare right into their eyes.

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