Soulmate Gem
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What kind of woman is attracted to a narcissist?

Kick-ass Kyra. Narcissists are attracted to strong, powerful women. For one, a strong woman can take care of him. Because despite macho appearances and charismatic first impressions, a narcissist needs a lot of care!

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1. Kick-ass Kyra

Narcissists are attracted to strong, powerful women.

For one, a strong woman can take care of him. Because despite macho appearances and charismatic first impressions, a narcissist needs a lot of care! Two, narcissists take special pleasure in destroying a strong woman. They are disturbed, violent, exploitative individuals who get off on a sense of power over someone else.

2. Empath Emma

A lot has been said about the fatal attraction between empaths (people who are attuned to others’ feelings) and narcissists. And for a good reason. An empath, who is used to sacrificing her own needs for others, is a natural fit for a narcissist, who is used to putting his own needs first. An empathetic woman will sense the narcissist’s needs and fulfill them without questioning whether she’s getting the same in return. She will be attentive, compassionate, and understanding of him. And she will stroke his ego and make herself small to make him feel big. She is his perfect match. Unfortunately for the empath, this match is made in hell.

3. Chameleon Chloe

Chameleon Chloe has no clear sense of self, no passions, no strong beliefs. So it’s easy for her to get swooped up in a narcissist’s world. She has no identity of her own, so she will gladly take on the identity of whoever she’s with. The narcissists dig that type of woman. She’s easy to manipulate and use for narcissistic supply. Unfortunately, many women struggle with identity issues. Historically speaking, men had been defining women for thousands of years. So now that we (almost) have the freedom to be whoever we want to be, we can be struck by identity paralysis, and continue to seek guidance from the men in our lives. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. We just have to continue working through our generational trauma of being subjugated, dominated, and often persecuted for being ourselves and speaking our truth.

4. Loyal Laura

Loyal Laura is loyal to a fault. She will stay with a narcissist way past the relationship’s expiration date. That’s a valuable quality to a narcissist who needs someone with endless patience, unwavering support, and inexhaustible ability to forgive. The narcissist will also demand that you prove your loyalty over and over. Those displays will require you to repeatedly choose between the narcissist and other people. First, it will be some friends or acquaintances who don’t like the narcissist. Then it’s family members who are worried about you. And pretty soon, it will be just you and the narcissist. Of course, this is by design. Once your support system is gone and you’re properly isolated, the narcissist has total power over you. This loyalty bind with a narcissist is a dangerous path to be on. Be careful before committing yourself to someone who demands absolute loyalty.

5. No-Boundaries Betty

Hi! I’m no-boundaries Betty. When I met my narcissist (many moons ago), it was attraction at first sight. I mean, he was handsome, smart, funny, and very, very charming. I wanted him to like me so badly! So in a misguided effort to fast-forward our relationship, I became excessively accommodating to him. I tossed aside all of my personal boundaries because I was afraid that if I told him “no,” he’ll walk away. I let him call me anytime he liked. When he’d show up at my house late at night, drunk, I didn’t turn him away. When he’d text me with a last-minute invite, I never said “no.”

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It makes the hair on my back stand up when I think about all the stuff I let him get away with. It didn’t even occur to me that boundaries are healthy and necessary for a relationship. I was afraid to hurt his feelings or to push him away. But if I enacted boundaries from the get-go, I probably would have saved myself a lot of heartache down the line. My lack of boundaries told the narcissist that it was OK to proceed and that I was already prioritizing his needs over mine. Does that sound familiar? Don’t be a no-boundaries Betty, unless you want to attract narcissists.

6. Gorgeous Gia

Dating an attractive woman is an ego boost for a narcissist who always seeks out ways to enhance his status. A beautiful woman can do just that. Of course, everyone is attracted to beautiful people. It’s in our DNA to be drawn to beauty. And what we find pleasing to the eye is almost universal: harmonious, symmetrical features are captivating regardless of race, age, culture, etc. But while other people can find beauty on the inside as well as the outside, the narcissist is all about appearances. That vanity is the reason narcissists are often physically attractive themselves. They are the kind of people to go to the gym 5 times a week, have a skincare routine, wear expensive clothes, etc. So they are immensely attracted to beautiful women. And the more beautiful the woman is, the bigger the ego high they receive. However, the high will not be long-lasting. At some point, he will find someone younger or hotter to replace his “old” conquest.

7. Insecure Izzy

A narcissist’s MO is to manipulate and control people using their insecurities.

So even if you’re smart, beautiful, successful, you can still be insecure on the inside. A narcissist will sense that and use it to his advantage. However, you can’t be too insecure. Narcissists aren’t attracted to someone who’s too weak or fragile. They’re not trying to take care of anyone’s needs. He needs you to be just insecure enough to stay with him through the cycle of abuse. “Self-Esteem isn’t everything, its just that there is nothing without it.” – Gloria Steinem

8. Successful Sue

Narcissists are attracted to successful women because successful women have a lot to give, and they don’t need to be taken care of. Being with a successful woman also reflects well on a narcissist, who’s all about the public perception of himself. On the other hand, many narcissists are driven to success by their need for attention and admiration. So it’s likely that a successful woman will attract successful narcissists who are looking for their “equal,” or someone to enhance their public persona.

9. Daddy Issues Donna

“Daddy issues” is a pop psychology term describing a woman who’s had a difficult, abusive, or absent father. As a result, she has trouble forming healthy intimate relationships with the opposite sex.

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A woman with “daddy issues” can be a natural target for a narcissist because she subconsciously attracts abusers. Until she worked on her childhood issues, she seeks out a familiar abusive pattern with her romantic partners — one that a narcissist is happy to provide.

The best way to deal with “daddy issues” is therapy.

It can help you become aware of how you might be subconsciously replaying a father-child dynamic in your relationships and choosing men who are either unavailable or abusive.

10. Fixer Fiona

Oh, poor thing…He’s so damaged…He doesn’t know how to love. He’s afraid to open up because he doesn’t want to get hurt. His ex really did a number on him. He just needs the love of a good woman to heal. If you’re a natural caregiver, you might have an almost irresistible urge to “fix” the narcissist. After all, you’re not wrong. Narcissists aren’t evil. They’re people with profound psychological handicaps who’ve likely been the victims of abuse. It’s OK to sympathize with them and want to help. But don’t kid yourself: there’s no fixing them. You can only fix your own tendency toward codependency.

What Do All Women Who Attract Narcissists Have in Common?

Did you recognize yourself in one of these women? Or maybe in more than one?

I’ll tell you a little secret: they’re not separate identities. They’re all essentially one woman: strong, smart, compassionate… Yet sometimes she lets people take advantage of her. We can all be a No-boundaries Betty, or a Chameleon Chloe, or a Fixer Fiona at times. But it doesn’t define us. The truth is, narcissists are attracted to shiny objects. Kind of like birds. Or children. So narcissists are attracted to women who shine, who are exceptional in some way, and who have a lot to offer. Because narcissists would like to take what you have to offer. The way he gets in is by finding a weakness he can exploit. We all have weaknesses. Narcissists are just good at zeroing in on that weakness and using it to control or destroy you. Either way, it’s not your fault. You didn’t invite narcissistic abuse. You didn’t ask for it. But if you’ve had a narcissistic relationship (or several) in the past, it’s probably a good time to examine the larger relationship patterns in your life. After all, deeper self-awareness is the silver lining of a toxic relationship. Psychological dysfunction typically originates in childhood. You might want to explore that part of your life with a licensed professional. It can help you discover the deeper reasons why you’re one of the women who attract narcissists.

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