Photo: Kamaji Ogino

What is too high body count?

A study done by Superdrug found that for men and women the ideal number of partners is around 7.5. Above 14 or 15 was too many and below 2 or 3 was too low.

milsteinhealthconsulting.com - What Do I Do If My Body Count Is Too High? - Susan Milstein

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Let me start by apologizing to whoever submitted this question, since I’ve been sitting on it for a while. And the reason for that is because I really struggle with the phrase body count. I’ve seen some people used it proudly as a marker of their sexual conquests, and other people flinch when they use it and that bothers me. There’s really nothing you can do to lower your body count. I mean you could change the criteria you use for it, like if you didn’t really enjoy it maybe don’t count it.

But that doesn’t actually change how many people you’ve been with.

The thing that gets me about this question is this idea of “too high.” Who’s to say what a “normal” body count is, let alone a high one?

What’s considered an “acceptable” number of partners will differ based on so many variables – like a person’s age for starters. A 16 year old saying they’ve had one sexual partner will be looked at differently than someone saying that when they’re in their 40’s. Other things will also impact what’s considered “acceptable” for number of sex partners, like what country the person lives in, whether or not they’re currently enrolled in college, being in the middle of a pandemic…. seriously it can be a really long list of things.

And the research on average number of sexual partners isn’t consistent from one study to the next. One reason for this is because it’s based on self-report. Do you think people are honest when asked about number of sexual partners?

Another reason why the numbers vary is that the studies don’t always define what a sexual partner is. What would your number be if I asked how many people you’ve done any kind of sex play with? Would the number change if I specified oral? Anal? Penile-vaginal? Play involving a sex toy?

I know people are reading this saying “just tell me what the average number is” so here goes –one study done in 2014 by the Austin Institute found that the average number of partners for straight folks is between 4 - 6. For lesbians the number is in that same range, and for gay men the number is higher at 16-20. A study done by Superdrug found that for men and women the ideal number of partners is around 7.5. Above 14 or 15 was too many and below 2 or 3 was too low. This is actually a fun read if you want to see how things differ by country.

Let me close this by going back to the question and asking some of my own. If you’re bothered by how high your number is, you might want to ask yourself why. Is it really just that the number is “too high” and if so, what’s influencing your sense of what’s “normal”? Are you feeling judged by others? Are you regretting some of your choices?

Figuring out why your number is bothering you is really important to help you become more comfortable with the sexual decisions you make for yourself for today and for the future.

Until next time, be safe and have fun!

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How do you know the best man for you?

Know your best qualities and the things you can improve upon. When choosing a man, find someone who makes you feel natural when together. Look for someone who brings out the best in you, such as your kindness and humor. You shouldn't have to feel like you need to change to be good enough for them.

wikihow.com - How to Choose the Right Man to Marry: 15 Steps (with Pictures)

This article was co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW . Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR). This article has been viewed 412,305 times.

Article Summary

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Choosing the right man to marry depends on a lot of factors, but you want to be sure that you agree on the basics, like religion, finances, and your approach to relationships. While you certainly don’t need to have the same religious beliefs, try to find someone who you can find common ground with and learn from. However, if religion is important to you, you may need to find someone who is willing to convert. Money can be a source of conflict in marriage, so find someone who budgets and spends similarly to you. Additionally, look at how he navigates other relationships. Avoid marrying a man who has a lot of conflicts in his life and isn’t willing to explain why they happen, because he might bring that attitude to a marriage. For more help from our co-author, like how to be comfortable with yourself before getting married, read on.

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