What is the most common thing said at a funeral?

Offering Condolences: What to Say at a Funeral “I am so sorry for your loss” “You and your loved one are in my thoughts and prayers” “This is so sad to hear, I'm thinking of you and the family” “If you want to talk at any time, I'm here” “Shocked and saddened by this news if you need anything I'm here”

funeralpartners.co.uk - Offering Condolences: What to Say at a Funeral

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More often than not someone who is experiencing loss will avoid asking for help because they don’t want to burden anyone. This is why it is so important to reach out rather than not say anything at all. A phone call is a great way to speak to the bereaved directly, express your deepest condolences and let them know you’re there if they need anything. Each person deals with grief in their own way so they may not take you up on that straight away but checking in every so often will let them know you’re sincere. When they’re ready to talk about the person, they’ll appreciate you being at the other end. Just remember to be patient and be there to listen and comfort them. Of course, it’s not always easy to speak over the phone about a subject so sensitive and it may not be appropriate if you were a distant acquaintance. In this instance, you may prefer to send condolences via a sympathy card and acknowledge the loss that way. Sending a card allows you the time to think carefully about what you’d like to say and gives you the chance to write a sincere and meaningful message. A letter, email or text is also an option to show you care and that you’re thinking of them. And while you may not get a reply, the thought will be appreciated. The theme here really is that it’s the thought that counts, so a simple message via card or a chat on the phone can make such a difference to a friend or family member who’s dealing with loss. The words don’t need to be poured over too much; sincerity at a time like this is the most important thing when offering condolences. Death and loss are not something we’re often faced with so it’s only natural we’re hesitant when talking about it, especially to the bereaved. But it’s a lot simpler than you think. Sometimes just spending time being there to listen is enough for someone dealing with loss. To know they’re not alone when mourning can provide a sense of comfort and ease some of their sadness. Having the space to be able to talk openly about the person who has died, without fear of judgement, can be a helpful way to cope with grief.

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What should you not ask at a funeral?

Never say “At least he didn't suffer,” “At least she made it to her birthday,” or “At least she died doing what she loved” at a funeral. Instead, say: “I am here for you.” It's best to avoid any statements that begin with “at least,” notes Bickerton.

readersdigest.ca - Never Say This at a Funeral - Reader's Digest Canada

Struggling to find the right words to convey sympathy at a funeral? Even the most well-intentioned comments can come across as hurtful instead of helpful. Here are some common phrases you should never say at a funeral—and what to say instead.

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Never say “I know how you feel” at a funeral

Instead, say:“I can’t imagine how you feel.”

By the time we’re adults, most of us will have experienced the loss of a family member, friend or colleague. What’s important to note, however, is that although the phases of grief are similar, we don’t necessarily know how another grieving individual truly feels. “Everyone’s experience is unique,” says Jaime Bickerton, executive director of Bereaved Families of Ontario, Midwestern Region. “Everyone’s loss is the worst, because it’s theirs.” It can help to think of yourself in a helper role, says author, grief counsellor and director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition, Dr. Alan Wolfelt. “Walk ‘with,’ not ‘behind’ or ‘in front of’ the person who is mourning.” Read the heartwarming story of how a very special quilt keeps a widow’s memory of her husband alive.

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