What is submarining in dating?

“Submarining,”—also referred to as“paperclipping”—is when someone randomly messages you after ghosting you first. They pretend like nothing happened even though they previously acted like they weren't interested. The name comes from the fact that a person disappears underwater for a while before coming back up again.

eq.irisdating.com - Submarining: The Latest Dating Trend - EQ

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It can be annoying when your relationship trouble becomes a trendy buzzword. No one needs a reminder of the time they were ghosted, love bombed, or wokefished, and hearing about it constantly feels unpleasant. A few years ago, a guy "submarined" me. At the time, I didn't know that it was called submarining. But upon finding out there was a word to describe my experience, I encountered a whole new feeling: validation. I realized I wasn’t alone in what I dealt with, and that relationship experts could explain what was happening and help me feel better about myself. “Submarining,”—also referred to as“paperclipping”—is when someone randomly messages you after ghosting you first. They pretend like nothing happened even though they previously acted like they weren't interested. The name comes from the fact that a person disappears underwater for a while before coming back up again. They don’t apologize or acknowledge that they haven’t spoken to you. They may also ask you to hang out and flirt with you like they did at the beginning of your fling. Let me illustrate what this can look like by sharing what happened to me. I met a guy on a dating site and hung out with him once when we were in the same area. We texted frequently for the next month and were both clearly interested in each other. In my opinion, we were the perfect fit. But then, on Valentine’s Day of all days, he broke things off, saying he didn’t have time to talk to anyone anymore.

I wish I was kidding.

Months later, he messaged me, seeming excited and interested in hanging out. He gave flimsy excuses for his absence and his return, and only after I nervously asked him about it. Then, you guessed it—he ghosted me again. He did this at least five times, drawing out our “relationship” for years, before I finally realized what he was doing and blocked him. According to relationship experts, “submariners” may do this for a variety of reasons. Dating and relationship coach Jonathan Bennett said they “either want to hide their reasons for disappearing or gloss over it,” possibly because they “were dating or spending time with someone else and that fell through.” He continued to say that people who “submarine” others may be entitled or narcissistic, and that it’s not okay for them to assume they can reconnect without consequences and disrespect you and your time. Gigi Engle, a certified sex coach, said that submariners may also act this way because they feel insecure or bored. “Maybe they just stopped seeing someone, maybe they’re sick of being trapped indoors, or maybe they just need some validation and are hoping to get it from you,” she said. She explained they want you to respond so they can feel good about themselves, as though they’re still important to you. If you think someone submarined you how you respond is ultimately up to you. However, it's important to keep this truth in mind: you deserve someone who shows conviction in how they feel about you. You deserve more than someone who leaves you hanging, and gives you reason to feel insecure about your worth to them.

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How much should you date before a relationship?

5-6 dates Most folks need 5-6 dates to make it official. Most couples go on 5-6 dates before they start discussing a relationship, and some take even longer. Don't sweat it if you're a few dates in. This lines up with the 1- to 3-month timeline for most folks.

wikihow.com - How Long Should You Date Before Making It Official? - wikiHow

Wondering how long it takes for casual dating to turn into an exclusive relationship? Have you gone on a few dates with somebody and you’re wondering if it’s “too early” to make the jump? Luckily, it’s easy to figure out when you’re ready to make the plunge, and there’s plenty of data out there when it comes to how long the typical transition from dating to commitment takes. In this article, we’ll walk you through everything you need to know about what it takes to turn a few dates into a serious relationship. This article is based on an interview with our dating coach, Candice Mostisser. Check out the full interview here.

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