What is signs of a manipulative father?

Aggressive manipulation tends to involve more obvious attempts to control your behavior, including: shaming or mocking you. scapegoating, or blaming you when things go wrong. put-downs, insults, harsh criticisms, and other tactics designed to make you feel inferior.

healthline.com - 8 Family Manipulation Tactics and How to Respond to Them - Healthline

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The tips below can help you recognize common manipulation tactics and respond effectively. But family ties evoke a lot of strong emotions , and some people make deliberate use of these feelings. They might, for example, exploit a weakness when they want you to do things you’d rather not do — including things that cause you pain. At the end of the day, you know you can directly express your feelings whenever you want. In a family with a healthy dynamic, you might crack jokes with your siblings and even recite your mother’s words before she can say them. Sure, she’s making an emotional appeal to get what she wants, but since you’re all on the same page, this tactic doesn’t trigger any negative feelings. Some manipulative behaviors, like your mother’s yearly guilt trip, are fairly harmless: “I spent 27 hours in labor bringing you into this world, so the least you can do is spend a few hours having a nice holiday dinner with your family.”

Manipulation involves an attempt to control someone else.

You can generally boil it down to one common behavior: Someone wants you to give up something — time, a personal possession, autonomy, power, or anything else — for their benefit. Recognizing manipulation within families can be particularly difficult when the person is a parent, older sibling, or relative who has some authority. If you believe you’re supposed to do what they say no matter what, you might struggle to challenge this pattern, even in adulthood. Red flags You may not recognize manipulation immediately, since it’s often subtle. But you might notice these key signs: You often feel tricked or pressured into doing things.

It seems as if you can’t do anything right.

It no longer seems possible to say no.

They often twist the truth.

You often feel guilty or confused.

Your efforts never seem good enough.

Invalidation of feelings

Someone who wants you to go along with their desires might try to make you believe your feelings don’t matter.

A family member might invalidate your feelings by:

not giving you a chance to share

interrupting or talking over you

dismissing your concerns

reprimanding or punishing you for showing emotion

telling you how you should feel

For example, you tell your mother you won’t attend your grandmother’s birthday party because you know that the cousin who abused and bullied you in childhood will attend. She replies by commenting on how selfish you are: “Haven’t you forgotten about that by now? It was so long ago. Nothing’s going to happen at a party, so can’t you just be polite for a few hours?” Her continued attempts to persuade you invalidate the pain and distress you experienced, leaving you hurt by her lack of support.

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Over time, invalidation can make you internalize the idea that your feelings really aren’t important. This belief can then extend to other relationships, increasing your vulnerability to further manipulation.

Emotional blackmail

A family member using emotional blackmail will make a deliberate appeal to your feelings to try and convince you to do what they want.

This tactic follows a clear pattern:

They make a demand. If you resist or outright refuse, they pressure you into giving in. This often involves flattery or threats designed to engage your emotions or sense of obligation. When you agree to do what they want, they might “reward” you with kindness and affection. This won’t last, though. Now they know you’ll go along with what they want if they use the right tactic. So, they likely won’t hesitate to blackmail you again.

Gaslighting

A pattern of gaslighting often leaves you confused, doubting your memory, and questioning your perception of reality. Over time, this manipulative tactic can have a serious impact on your self-perception and mental health.

Someone trying to gaslight you may:

counter your memories by denying events (“I never said you were stupid. How could you accuse me of that?”)

insist they told you something important when they didn’t

pretend to forget they made a promise

try to convince you something never happened (“Your father never punched any wall. You must have dreamed that.”)

insist you’re imagining things or lying

Guilt-tripping

People often use guilt to get you to take responsibility for something that isn’t your fault. When you feel guilty, you’re more likely to do what the other person wants. This includes trying to resolve the problem for them. Guilt isn’t always malicious. In fact, feeling guilty when you’ve done something wrong and someone expresses their feelings to you isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But when a family member regularly uses guilt to make you feel bad or do things you’d rather not do, this usually suggests manipulation.

Withholding affection

A family member offering conditional love or affection will demonstrate kindness and other caring behaviors only when you do what they want. When you make a mistake or disappoint them in some way, they may:

punish and criticize you

imply they don’t love you

blame you rather than external circumstances for mistakes or failure

This type of manipulation often involves isolation tactics, such as:

the silent treatment

saying no one else cares about you

threatening other family members with punishment or isolation if they support you or show you affection

Victimhood

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Some people manipulate by taking on the role of a victim.

They might blame others for difficulties, downplay their own responsibility, and avoid doing anything to help themselves. You may also notice they often turn situations around to make it seem as if you’re to blame: “If you hadn’t moved out, I wouldn’t forget to take my medication so often. If I get sick, it’s your fault.” A pattern of this behavior, often referred to as victim mentality, can involve exaggeration of problems and weaknesses. These concerns might have truth to them — some people really do keep getting dealt a bad hand. But this behavior becomes manipulative when someone uses these difficulties to earn your sympathy and make you feel as if they can’t function without support, particularly when they make no effort to change their situation.

Aggression or personal attacks

Aggressive manipulation tends to involve more obvious attempts to control your behavior, including:

shaming or mocking you

scapegoating, or blaming you when things go wrong

put-downs, insults, harsh criticisms, and other tactics designed to make you feel inferior

threats and intimidation

The person trying to manipulate you often rationalizes verbal abuse by saying things like:

“I’m just telling you these things for your own good.”

“You’ll never amount to anything without some tough love.”

“Learn to take a joke. You won’t get far in life if you’re always so sensitive.”

Shifting the goal posts

This type of manipulation can leave you feeling inadequate and unworthy.

One key sign someone might be doing this is when you can’t seem to meet the goals they set, no matter how hard you try. But this failure doesn’t stem from your shortcomings; instead, it’s because they set overly demanding criteria, nitpick at tiny mistakes, or add new expectations every time you think you’ve finally succeeded.

Here’s an example:

You want to study abroad over the summer but can’t afford it. Your parents offer to pay half, as long as you do promise to help out with some projects around the house over spring break. You eagerly agree, and you spend your break doing practically everything around the house without any reminders. When you check in with your parents, they bring up your GPA, even though they hadn’t mentioned anything about grades when making the deal. They say, “You’re only pulling a 3.0? You must not be studying. College is expensive enough. Why should we pay for you to go party in another country? Bring your grades up first, and we’ll talk about studying abroad another time.”

healthline.com - 8 Family Manipulation Tactics and How to Respond to Them - Healthline

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