Soulmate Gem
Soulmate Gem
Photo: Oleksandr Pidvalnyi
Playful: Seeing the goal of flirting as fun (rather than trying to start a relationship) and just having a good time laughing, joking, and teasing.
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Read More »Knowing how to flirt is essential for successful dating. That is why we have covered the general aspects of flirting so thoroughly already. Specifically, in previous posts, we have discussed how flirting behaviors are motivated by the back-and-forth sharing of rewards and reinforcement. From there, we highlighted the essential behaviors used to flirt with a potential mate—making eye contact with them, copying their gestures, and touching them too. We then explored how such behaviors are put together in various flirtatious sequences, usually initiated by the flirting behaviors of women. Now, with all that in mind, we can look at the various ways that you can put together your own flirting style and tailor it to your personal needs. Generally, the goal will be to match this style with other aspects of your physical, psychological, and behavioral attractiveness—while also appealing to the type of partner you desire as well. Fortunately, the research has already been conducted to identify different flirting styles and assess their overall effectiveness too!
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Read More »Beyond those findings, different flirting styles also related to relationship outcomes and experiences too. Hall, Carter, Cody, and Albright (2010) noted that dating success was more likely for those who were sincere, physical, or playful in their flirting styles. Furthermore, sincere and physical styles led to the fastest creation of relationships, with the best physical chemistry and emotional connection. In contrast, largely given their more cautious and introverted natures, individuals following a more traditional and polite style had a harder time getting dates and forming relationships. Nevertheless, traditional flirters tended to find some benefit from a slower-paced relationship development and polite flirts found their few relationships important and meaningful. Furthermore, polite individuals were inclined toward being sincere as well—which helped some of them be a bit more outgoing too. Overall then, while some styles maximized finding and connecting with a larger number of partners, other styles prioritized slowly building relationships with a select few.
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Beyond that, playful flirtation is also about selectively reward a partner's behavior with attention, while withholding it at other times to create anticipation too. Thus, the approach is ultimately about learning how to play hard to get, balancing hot-and-cold, approach-and-withdraw, as though teasing a cat with a string. This playful and carefree behavior helps to screen for other individuals who are open to uncommitted hookups and flings. Traditional and Polite Flirts tend to have a similar focus on more practical relationship goals and finding a partner interested in commitment. As a result, both of these approaches can benefit from understanding the pros and cons of following gender roles, learning how and why modern dating norms are changing and identifying what makes someone a great romantic partner. In practice, traditional and polite flirting is often about following gender-specific ways of getting attention—particularly the behaviors women use to get men to approach them. From there, traditional and polite flirts often break the ice in ways that do not risk rejection and more plainly share what they want in a partner and are willing to give in return. Overall these flirting approaches are honest and have good intentions. Nevertheless, they can seem a bit stiff or disinterested to potential partners as well—especially outside of a more formal "courtship" type of situation. Therefore, while still maintaining their values and goals, traditional and polite flirts can benefit from adopting some behaviors used by the sincere and physical flirting styles above too. By doing so, they can more successfully connect with traditional and introverted partners, even when they find themselves in more modern and extroverted situations.
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