Soulmate Gem
Photo by cottonbro studio Pexels Logo Photo: cottonbro studio

What is a guys love language?

In the book, he outlines the five ways he believes humans show—and want to be shown—love. These so-called "love languages" are: receiving gifts; quality time; words of affirmation; acts of service (devotion); and physical touch.

What month is baby the cutest?
What month is baby the cutest?

Babies hit *peak* cuteness at 6 months old, study says. Mar 13, 2018

Read More »
What does Gemini suffer from?
What does Gemini suffer from?

Gemini (May 22 — June 21) The evil twin of the lively Gemini is nervous and negative. It's not uncommon for Geminis to suffer from generalized...

Read More »

There are some questions that always come up on a first date: "Where are you from?" "What do you do for work?" "What do you do in your free time?" But more than once, I've been surprised to get the following inquiry from a potential romantic partner:

"Which love language are you?"

For those unfamiliar, the five love languages were created by pastor Gary Chapman, who published his book, The Five Love Languages, in 1992. In the book, he outlines the five ways he believes humans show—and want to be shown—love. These so-called "love languages" are: receiving gifts; quality time; words of affirmation; acts of service (devotion); and physical touch. The idea in Chapman's book is simple: If you understand your partner's love language, and they understand yours, you can theoretically achieve a healthier and more harmonious relationship.

The 5 Love Languages The 5 Love Languages $7 at Amazon

Let's say there's a couple where one person's preferred love language is words of affirmation, but the other person grew up in a family that didn't compliment each other often; instead, they learned to show and receive love through acts of devotion—like doing small favors for each other. In this scenario, according to The Five Love Languages, it would be helpful for that second person to realize, "Oh, my partner wants to hear how much I love and appreciate them! I thought it was assumed through my actions, but let me go ahead and let them know verbally." As the New York Times reports, the book sold 8,500 copies in its first year, 17,000 copies the year after, and a whopping 137,000 copies two years after it first came to print. Since August 2009, The Five Love Languages has consistently been on the New York Times best-seller list.

What are the five love languages?

The five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Here's a brief definition and example of each one.

♥ Words of Affirmation

You enjoy verbal acknowledgements of affection, including compliments, frequently hearing "I love you," and words of encouragement. You like when your partner texts or calls you just to let you know they're thinking of you.

♥ Quality Time

You value spending time with your partner. This could mean phone or video calls, regular date nights, or simply hanging out in the same room. You appreciate when you and your partner(s) are fully present and happy to be together.

♥ Receiving Gifts

How do I start letting go?
How do I start letting go?

Tips for letting go Create a positive mantra to counter the painful thoughts. ... Create physical distance. ... Do your own work. ... Practice...

Read More »
What types of houses sell fastest?
What types of houses sell fastest?

The price is right Lower-priced starter homes are winning most buyers' hearts. Homes listed at between $200,000 and $250,000 were sold in 83 days...

Read More »

You appreciate receiving surprising physical affirmations of your partner's affection. No matter how elaborate they are, these gifts are proof that your partner is invested in your happiness and pays attention to what you enjoy. It could be flowers, candy, a t-shirt from your favorite band...anything that shows they were thinking of you, and know what you like.

♥ Acts of Service

You feel most loved when your partner performs simple actions, like making coffee in the morning or cooking dinner after a stressful day of work. These acts of service show they're paying attention to your needs and want to help make your life a little easier.

♥ Physical Touch

You like being touched! Nothing says love like a hand on your back, random kisses throughout the day, and other reminders of your partner's physical presence outside of sex (although you're into that, too).

But are the five love languages legit?

Does having compatible love languages actually matter? And are they something you should consider when looking for a partner? We spoke with three relationship experts to get to the root of whether love languages are mere pop science, or if there’s a solid base to how Chapman theorized the ways we express and receive love. Stephen Snyder, MD, a sex and relationship therapist and host of the Relationship Doctor podcast, is skeptical about the theory's legitimacy. “Gary Chapman's original Five Love Languages idea was based on his own informal review of his office notes from many years of counseling couples," Snyder says. "There's been some confirmatory research since then, but not a lot." Nevertheless, he gives the love languages some credit, noting, “A counseling technique doesn't typically go viral like that, unless there's something to it.” This content is imported from poll. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site. In fact, it’s a tool that Vienna Pharaon, a licensed marriage and family therapist, uses with her clients. “I’ve had so many couples have ‘aha’ moments around this research," Pharaon says. "It’s common to hear one partner say, ‘I don’t feel loved by my partner,’ and the other respond by saying, ‘I just don’t get it. I do everything possible to make sure you feel loved.’” She continues, “Sometimes the answer is as simple as: You’re speaking different love languages and missing the mark with each other.”

What happens if PDA closes before birth?
What happens if PDA closes before birth?

Abstract: Prenatal closure of the ductus arteriosus (DA) can lead to cardiovascular dysfunction resulting in pulmonary hypertension (PH),...

Read More »
Can we kiss rabbit on lips?
Can we kiss rabbit on lips?

It is usually safe to kiss a rabbit, and many pets enjoy this display of love. Rabbits do not kiss each other, but can learn what kissing means. If...

Read More »

But psychotherapist Kathryn Smerling, PhD, suggests the love languages are just a convenient way to package basic principles of communication in a relationship. “It outlines ways to experience and express love, so there's a lot of different ways to do it," Smerling says. "This is one way, and if this works for people then I say, bravo.” It seems like the greatest strength of the five love languages is that they give people vocabulary to talk about what they need out of a romantic partner.

What if my partner and I have different love languages?

Don't panic! It doesn't mean you're not compatible—only that you might want to tweak your communication styles. “Our work as partners is to acknowledge and expand,” says Pharaon. “If you know your partner feels most loved through one or two of the languages, then you should attempt to meet them there." (And if you're currently single, you don't need to worry about finding someone with your exact love language. Instead, “seek out a partner who is aware and open," Pharaon says. "You don’t need to match. You just need to be willing to try and put in the effort.") Most couples don't have perfectly-matching love languages, Synder says—and that's potentially a good thing. “Having different love languages might be a good reminder that the two of you weren't put on earth to meet each other's needs exactly," he says. "What is important is to recognize how different your partner might be from you—and that this is okay!” With this in mind, I finally know how I'll respond on my next date, if they go ahead and ask me my love language. "Acts of service," I'll reply, because I now know after retaking the quiz. But I'll be sure to add: "If we keep dating, I promise to be accommodating of whatever your preferred love language is."

What brings you together as a couple?
What brings you together as a couple?

Content couples often have hobbies and interests that they can do together. This includes activities like singing, playing instruments, working out...

Read More »
Do narcissists ever love their wives?
Do narcissists ever love their wives?

The short answer is a simple “no.” It is actually highly unlikely that your narcissistic partner is even capable of real love, let alone feels it...

Read More »
Is there a tarot card that represents love?
Is there a tarot card that represents love?

The Lovers is the ultimate Tarot card for love and represents a unique bond and deep connection between two people. Its presence in a reading...

Read More »
Does medication help PDA?
Does medication help PDA?

In a premature baby, nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) — such as ibuprofen (Infants' Advil, Infants' Motrin, others), available over...

Read More »