Photo: Julia Volk

What God says about your soulmate?

The Bible never mentions the word “soulmate”, but from the text, it's clear that your biblical “soulmate” is simply the person you choose to marry. This marriage bond is what the Bible calls a “one-flesh” relationship (Matt. 19:4-6; cf.

hungerforexcellence.com - Do Soulmates Exist? And What Does the Bible Say About Soulmates?

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Do you really know who the “One” is? Your true Soulmate?

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I recently got a question from a fellow Christian about soulmates.

Despite reading my warnings about the danger of soulmate thinking, he still believed it, and it was mostly because of church teaching. Sure, it’s easy to reject secular beliefs, but with the way people over-spiritualize the Bible, I understand why he thought the way he did. Anyways, we talked it over and addressed the issue, but I thought it would be a good idea to cover it here too. A lot of people think destiny’s reserved one person to share a perfect life with them. So let’s look at this idea from both a secular and biblical view.

What is a Soulmate?

The soulmate concept ranges everywhere from optimal reality to impossible ideal. That’s why we need to define what one actually is. Dictionary.com defines a soulmate as “a person with whom one has a strong affinity, shared values and tastes, and often a romantic bond”. So in other words, a soulmate is someone you’re compatible with. By this definition, I’d say yes, there is a soulmate for everyone. No one is so weird that they don’t share common interests with another person. But with that said, we all know this isn’t what people have in mind when they think of soulmates. In practice, the secular definition is more like “a highly-attractive telepath who lives to please you”. This kind of thinking hurts everyone involved, and here are three reasons why:

#1 It’s Narcissistic

Yes, soulmate thinking is narcissistic.

You might think it’s innocent since you “just want to be loved”, but there’s the problem: it’s all about you. It’s about how the other person makes you feel, how attractive you think they are, and how easily they get along with you. Yes, those are valid concerns, but you have to realize that the other person is…well, a person too. They also have feelings, desires, and goals of their own. And while their compatibility with you is important, no human was put on this earth to please you. Soulmate thinking puts way too much pressure on the other person. Not only does “the one” have to look perfect 24/7, they also have to read your mind and be free of any character traits you don’t like.

#2 It Makes You Passive

Soulmate thinking also removes the perceived need for effort. After all, when you find “the one”, it’ll just work out, right?

Destiny will ensure you two get together, so don’t worry about actually talking to people. “The universe” wouldn’t want you to do that. This all leads to a very passive mindset. And if you somehow stumble into a relationship, you’ll end it at the first sign of conflict because you won’t expect it to happen with your soulmate. People who think this way often complain about a lack of high-quality partners, but if you expect perfect people to chase you down, you’re the only one who’s wasting your time.

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#3 It Breeds Discontent

Ignoring good and chasing perfection. That’s what people do when they’re not content.

No matter how good you have it now, soulmate thinking always says you can do better. Yeah, your current partner treats you well, and yes, they’ve proven multiple times that they love you, but they just don’t get you like your soulmate would, so why not drop them and look for an upgrade?

This mindset is so toxic that I’m surprised grown adults think this way, but our sky-high divorce rate is proof they do. The truth is, most relationship problems could be solved if people lowered their expectations. Besides, even if you don’t have the greatest bond now, that doesn’t mean you can’t grow close over time. Clicking with someone at the start is not a sure sign of destiny. In fact, expecting it all the time can actually put you in danger. People with cluster B personality disorders feast on that expectation. They will mirror your personality, tell you how perfect you are, and love-bomb you within a span of a week. And if you foolishly accept stuff like that as the norm, you will pay the price later.

Soulmates: What Does the Bible Say?

Now that we’ve defined secular soulmates and seen the danger of this mindset, let’s look at the biblical view. The Bible never mentions the word “soulmate”, but from the text, it’s clear that your biblical “soulmate” is simply the person you choose to marry. This marriage bond is what the Bible calls a “one-flesh” relationship (Matt. 19:4-6; cf. Gen. 2:24). It’s the only biblically approved context for a man and woman to unite physically, emotionally, and spiritually for life. The biblical view here isn’t about finding the perfect person who completes you—perfect people don’t exist, and only God can satisfy the human heart.

Your biblical “soulmate” is just the person you commit to. That’s it.

The Bible is actually less spiritual on this matter than many unbelievers are. Now of course we shouldn’t make the marriage decision lightly. The Bible tells Christians to “not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” (2 Cor. 6:14). And the idea here is that Christians and nonbelievers won’t share common goals in a relationship, especially one as close as marriage. So a potential “soulmate” should never be a non-Christian. The Bible also puts a much greater emphasis on character than the world does (1 Sam. 16:7, Prov. 31:30, 1 Pet. 3:3-4 NASB). That’s why Christians know that a true “soulmate” has to have a beautiful heart.

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Finally, I want to address the weird destiny thing that’s attached to the soulmate concept.

The secular form of this idea is completely false and deludes people into discontent. But for Christians, is our choice really all there is to it?

Well, the answer’s yes and no.

I could go theological galaxy brain and say that God knows who your “soulmate” is because He’s omniscient and knows who you’ll eventually marry. But this knowledge doesn’t help from our perspective, so I won’t go down that road.

God’s sovereignty, however, does work in our romantic lives.

The book of Proverbs says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Prov. 18:22). So finding a good spouse isn’t solely on us (see Prov. 19:14). A compatible partner also falls under the things-given-to-us-when-we-seek-God’s-kingdom-first umbrella (Matt. 6:31-33 NIV). Most unmarried Christians aren’t built for the biblically-prescribed celibate life, so it only makes sense for our loving Provider to send a good match our way if we ask (see 1 Cor. 7:9 NIV). One story that comes to mind here is the one of Isaac and Rebekah in Genesis 24. Long story short, Abraham, who was Isaac’s father, didn’t want Isaac to marry a local woman, so he sent a servant elsewhere to find a wife for his son. When the servant arrived, he prayed that the woman who gave him and his camels water at a nearby well would be God’s choice for Isaac’s wife (Gen. 24:12, Gen. 24:14). Then, before the servant finished praying, a young woman named Rebekah met him and gave the servant and his camels water (Gen. 24:15-20). And this fulfillment of the request eventually led to Isaac and Rebekah’s marriage (Gen. 24:67). The historical context of this story is obviously different than ours. The Bible isn’t prescribing that singles make similar requests at a local well either. But the story does show how God can work to bring people together. Even if God sends someone though, you’ll still have to commit to the relationship and work through it in a godly manner. Yes, it’ll be easier since Christians are more compatible with each other, but no human will ever be perfect.

Commit, and Be Content

So there’s the answer to the soulmate question.

My final advice here: Stop chasing unicorns and be proactive with someone compatible now. Get experience making the most of every relationship you’re in. That way you’ll be ready when it’s time to choose a soulmate yourself.

-Drew

Photo Credits (in order of appearance): Valentin Antonucci, Taryn Elliott, mentatdgt, and Trung Nguyen on Pexels; Ben White on Unsplash

hungerforexcellence.com - Do Soulmates Exist? And What Does the Bible Say About Soulmates?

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