Soulmate Gem
Soulmate Gem
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Gift. The urban dictionary defines “threenager” as a 3-year-old spouting attitude like a spoiled teenager. Its usage example: “My kid just left the house in mismatched/stained clothes and 17 bracelets because she's a threenager and I have more important fights to pick.”
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Read More »The urban dictionary defines “threenager” as a 3-year-old spouting attitude like a spoiled teenager. Its usage example: “My kid just left the house in mismatched/stained clothes and 17 bracelets because she’s a threenager and I have more important fights to pick.” Wp Get the full experience. Choose your plan ArrowRight That pretty much sums it up, doesn’t it? Whoever said the twos were terrible obscured the challenges right around the corner. Parents everywhere are duped into thinking they’re in the clear when their child leaves two behind, but it doesn’t work that way.
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Read More »Take the “Parenting Point of View.” Klein advises parents of toddlers to try to see the world through their kids’ eyes. To parents, a date night is a nice evening out. But the child wonders if the parent will ever come back. Or take bedtime. Going to sleep is a relief for parents while a full night in the dark can be scary for kids. Taking a minute to try to see things from your child’s perspective can prevent a lot of exasperation. Answer the tedious “why” questions. “When a kid asks ‘why,’ some parents say ‘just because’ and move on and they’re missing an opportunity to teach them something,” Huerta says. “It teaches them good emotional intelligence when a parent stops, gets down on their level, looks in their eyes and really explains why.” Emotional intelligence, Huerta explains, is a child’s ability to understand his feelings, to read others’ feelings, and to have empathy and patience. A simple, “Don’t do that because it’s not safe and it scares Mommy” when your child asks why he can’t dart out into traffic will go a long way. Teach self-control and how to take turns. Use a timer to help your child know when things are going to happen. If one child wants to watch TV (“right now!”) but you need to attend to the baby first, you can set a timer for five minutes to let the older child know when he will get what he wants, and help him wait. “If it’s a ‘need,’ the parent pauses,” Huerta says. “If it’s a ‘want,’ that’s where a parent teaches a child how to be patient.” For more self-control practice, encourage kids to take turns with siblings and playmates. Routine. Routine. Routine. “Life is hectic, but children need us to slow down and pay attention to their need for regularity,” Klein says. Think through the things you do every day, “the pieces of the day that happen over and over.” Then create a basic schedule. To help get everyone in the house on the same page, including caretakers, write it out and post it somewhere that it can be referenced easily. Think of the routine not as prison, but as the structure that will help kids gracefully handle irregularity, such as having company or taking a vacation. That way they learn that “today may be different, but I have a routine to return to,” she says. Be realistic about behavior. Maybe going to the grocery store with the kids at night isn’t the best idea. Self-control is a resource we all use up during the day, so do hard things in the morning. If you have to go at night, Huerta advises parents to give kids something to fidget with, such as squeeze balls, and to move quickly through the store. Give them control when you can. Ask your child to do adult things, such as help you with dishes or sweep the floor. Is it efficient? No. But you’re feeding his or her need to do things independently. In her book, Klein also has great suggestions for mealtime, including putting a plate of something on the table — rice cakes, carrot sticks, apple slices — that the child can grab at will. Meals, she says, should be about socialization, not about demanding that a child eat a certain amount of a particular food. So if a child says he is done, but an hour later, is hungry again, just point to that same bowl. “It takes the battle away and lets the child decide if they want to eat more at dinner in the future,” Klein says.
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Read More »Have a sense of humor. Read books about parenting that make you laugh. (Of course our children are angels, but still try Bunmi Laditan’s “Honest Toddler” or “Toddlers are A**holes: It’s Not Your Fault.”) Be silly with your kids and help them to laugh at situations. Once, Huerta and his daughter went searching for “Patience” because his daughter had forgotten to bring her along. He led her on a search, saying, “Did you forget Patience in your room? Is she in your closet?” “At ages 5 or 6,” he says, “kids can start to make the connection and respond, ‘Oh Dad, I did forget her. Patience is now with me.’ ” Find self-soothing techniques for yourself, too. When you get mad, find what helps you calm down. Maybe it’s stepping outside for a moment. Or put “pause buttons” around the house, Huerta says, to remind you that you need to put your own needs on hold for your kids’ needs when they are this young. With her own kids, Klein used to repeat: “He’s just a little boy.” And when your child has a tantrum or you blow your cool, Klein says the most important thing is to reconnect with the child, with a simple “I’m sorry” and “I love you.” Teach the child that no matter how mad mommy or daddy gets, he or she is still loved and accepted. “It doesn’t have to be long or drawn out,” Huerta says, “it can be quick, friendly, loving, and kind.” All of these are simply weapons in the battle with threenagers — not for control over clothing choices but for our children’s character and soul and the adults they will become. And that is a battle worth fighting. “Three ends at some point,” Huerta says. “Gain perspective. You’re investing right now in the long term, pressing pause on many moments in your own life, knowing that it’s going to pay off down the road. You’re teaching a child how to handle their will, handle self-control, how to manage having an opinion.” We only get our threenagers for so long, before they are 4, and then 5, and then 6. … This too shall pass, and I’ll probably miss it. Lindsey Roberts is a freelance writer. She can be reached at www.lindseymroberts.com and she tweets @lindseymroberts.
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