Soulmate Gem
Soulmate Gem
Photo: Ann H
Men use teasing not only as a way to flirt but as an all- purpose way to communicate with the opposite sex. Right or wrong, American men consider the teasing of women to be both a duty and an inalienable right.
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Read More »Calling a woman a tease generally means that you believe she is advertising something she doesn't really have in stock. But when a man is called a tease, the word stretches out to take on a broader meaning. This may be an example of sexist usage, but it also may be an accurate reflection of the way men in our society tease women -- which is to say extensively. Men use teasing not only as a way to flirt but as an all- purpose way to communicate with the opposite sex. Right or wrong, American men consider the teasing of women to be both a duty and an inalienable right. Boys learn quickly that certain rude noises and various members of the animal kingdom are blessed with a double-edged appeal: Besides being amusing, they can be recruited as terrorists. A boy knows instinctively that belches are meant to reverberate, knuckles to crack. He knows that amphibians and arachnids are truly elegant forms of life. And he knows that the secret worth of all of these things is that they can be used to capture the attention of girls who would not look twice at him otherwise. Dogs may be a boy's best friend, but a spider is a comrade in arms. As boys grow into men they leave the spiders behind, but they do not stop teasing. They hone their teasing skill very carefully, and with a certain pride. Part of the reason is that most American men still prefer to communicate indirectly about many things, particularly matters of the heart; the quickest way for a woman to shut a man up is to say, "Let's talk." Teasing, on the other hand, is oblique, and it can be put to many uses, friendly and otherwise. Sometimes teasing is just veiled cruelty. Sometimes a man teases a woman in order to jangle a nerve that he knows full well is a sensitive one. He employs teasing as a kind of guerrilla warfare that the Contras would do well to emulate. This can go on indefinitely, with strategic strikes here and there and little risk of a full-scale battle. When confronted, the teasing male can always say, "I was just kidding." Sophisticated practitioners will toss in a look of wide-eyed innocence at this point and the devastating and extremely reliable "What's the matter, can't you take a joke?" A man who knows how to tease a woman also can use the technique to convey affection. Teasing is, in fact, a safe way of telling a woman who may be off limits to you that you like her. Even a man who seems, on the surface, to be teasing a woman cruelly may be doing it because he really likes her. But because of an emotional logjam somewhere upstream, he just doesn't have the communicative skills to express his affection. Sometimes men tease women simply because it is more flat-out fun than being polite to them. This country is filled with men who are closet feminists. They hide their real feelings because they enjoy goading feminism's extremists. If you think that a man who teases women is childish, you are right. Child psychologists who have studied teasing among children have noticed that kids usually begin showing signs of teasing behavior at age 2. The psychologists agree that teasing in a child is usually a healthy sign. Sometimes it is an indication of aggression, but more often it is simply a way of capturing the attention of someone he likes. The child is father to the man.
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