Soulmate Gem
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What are the 3 first loves?

The three loves that she came up with are the following: Lust, Passion, and Commitment. These three loves occur in different parts of the brain and occur independently from each other. For instance, you can be “in lust” with someone but have no perceived commitment to them (e.g., one night stands).

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Love Three: Commitment

If two people remain in passion for long enough, and there is a long-term compatibility where they can continue to share new life experiences together indefinitely, then commitment will arise. Commitment is an unbelievably powerful feeling and occurs rarely in life. Commitment is when the passion of Love Two persists to the point that it’s unconditional. Couples that are in Love Two and not Love Three will often feel great until something happens: he loses his job, she has a miscarriage, he starts drinking, etc. Commitment is when you emotionally accept and love the other person’s flaws as much as their strengths. Scientists have actually shown that for couples who reach that level of commitment, their senses of self actually merge with the other person.6 What researchers have done is observe neural activation patterns in these long-term couples. They found that if you ask a man married for 20 years to think about his wife getting into a car accident, and then ask him to think about himself getting into a car accident, the same “self” spots in his brain will light up, whereas it won’t for anybody else. And it won’t for couples who have not been at the Third Love of commitment for a long period of time. Commitment arises with the idea that the relationship will persist indefinitely. The only way it can end is if one or both parties of a relationship change individually to the point where it becomes harmful for the other person to self-identify with their partner: again, think of the husband who becomes an alcoholic, or the wife who keeps cheating, etc. Sometimes even then, the power of commitment holds on, depending on the individuals. Passion and Lust can disappear well after Commitment arises without affecting the Commitment. In this way, each love is a pre-requisite for the subsequent love to emerge, but once it has, it’s no longer necessary. Lust is needed for passion, but passion can exist later without it. Passion must exist for commitment, but later on, commitment can exist without it. There are timetables for each love, although these are very arbitrary and will vary widely from person to person and couple to couple. But it’s helpful to think about this: Lust is instantaneous and comes and goes constantly, being very easy to retrieve once lost. Passion takes anywhere from a few days to a few weeks to emerge, and usually sticks around for 3-6 months. In highly compatible couples, it will persevere but still require effort and constant communication to maintain beyond a couple years. Commitment arises after anywhere from 1-3 years together and remains for a lifetime unless two people grow apart as individuals, in which case it often takes years to undo itself. (Cover image: “Couples on Kuta” by Nor Sasono is licensed under CC BY 2.0)

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What is a self love quote?

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” “The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.” “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

Get out the sticky notes—you’re going to want to post at least one of these self-love quotes on the mirror. Happiness begins with loving yourself, every beautiful inch, no matter what anyone else thinks—and forgiving yourself, too, so that you can grow. If you’ve been down on yourself lately, the concept of self-love may sound counterintuitive, but don’t take our word for it. Take the word of some of the greats—writers, thinkers, leaders, and artists who know that you don't get anywhere by beating yourself up. We’ve compiled their wise words here in this handy list of self-love quotes, many of them short one-liners you can easily write on a note to yourself or commit to memory as a daily mantra. Looking for more ways to lift yourself up on your journey? Head on over to our collections of self-care quotes, mental health quotes, nature quotes, and gratitude quotes for more inspiration.

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