Usually, when a child starts associating kiss and hugs with romance, that is when they start discouraging their parents. For some children, this point comes in as early as three or four years, or as late as teenage.
The parenting dilemma on when parents should stop kissing their children on lips has reared up its head again. Quarterback Tom Brady made quite a few people uncomfortable, when a video of him kissing his 11-year-old son on the lips surfaced. The clip which is a part of the Facebook docu-series called “Tom vs. Time,” shows Tom kissing his son on lips twice. The second kiss lasts near to five seconds.
This parenting dilemma is very new for us Indian parents
Many celebrities like Hilary Duff and David Beckham, have previously faced ire from people for kissing their children on lips.
While many people believe that this is a normal part of the parent-child relationship, others point out that parents might end up confusing children undergoing development of sexual awareness.
In India, this debate has an entirely different aspect. Most of us might be the first generation of parents ever to kiss their children on lips. Coming from a culture with reserved notions on display of affection, a hug or a kiss on the cheek is what the most children still get. Most of us also refrain from publicly kissing our spouses or partners. So, the sexualisation of a simple act such as pecking your kid by the viewers, itself sounds horrific.
When do you stop with the kissing on the lips?
Frankly, I am much in awe of Brady’s preteen boy, who comes in to give his daddy a kiss on lips, without any reservation. Pre-teens run away at the mere mention of hugs. Parents are usually to keep a distance of at least fifty metres, both in public and private when they address these creatures, who are neither children nor adults, out of love. Children think they have grown up, while to the parent’s sentiment, their child is still that cuddly little being who would floor you with its cuteness. How can a parent resist showering affection on one’s own child?
In my opinion, this point comes when your child asks you to stop. Usually, when a child starts associating kiss and hugs with romance, that is when they start discouraging their parents. For some children, this point comes in as early as three or four years, or as late as teenage.
As long as the terms of showing affection are clear between you and your child, it is okay. There is always going to be someone who will find it inappropriate.
I am not proud to say that the duration of the parent-child kiss in case of Brady did make me a little uncomfortable. But here I am a mere viewer. And this inhibition is my problem.
The rapid growth years blind side many parents, who fail to realise when their child grew up. Hence, it is difficult for parents to know, when to go easy on tight hugs and pecks on the lips. But don’t look at others for an opinion, it is better to trust your own instincts and the opinion of your child.
Yamini Pustake Bhalerao is a writer with the SheThePeople team, in the Opinions section. The views expressed are the author’s own
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Keep your eyes focused on her lips for one second, then return your focus to her eyes. Do this several more times throughout the conversation, but don't overdo it. Look only enough to let her know that you're thinking about kissing her. If she does the same thing, you'll know that she's thinking about it too.
This article was co-authored by Imad Jbara . Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth. This article has been viewed 1,279,010 times.
Article Summary
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Will there’s no 100% guarantee that a girl will let you kiss her, there are things you can do to put her at ease and improve your chances. Spend time getting to know her and make sure the time is right. Before you make your move, dress up nicely, brush your teeth, and make sure you look and smell your best. Wait for a moment when you’re both relaxed and comfortable, hopefully in a romantic setting where you can have a little privacy. Look for signs that she might be in the mood to lock lips—for example, you might catch her leaning in close, gazing into your eyes, or glancing at your lips. Say something like, “I’d love to kiss you right now. Is that okay?” If she says yes, lean in slowly and tilt your head to one side so you don’t bump noses, close your eyes, and gently touch your lips to hers.
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