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What age do children Realise death is permanent?

Do young children under 5 understand death? Children under the age of five will not understand the finality of death. Very young children often think that death is reversible and that a loved one can come back. That's why it's important to use clear and simple language like 'dead' and 'died'.

winstonswish.org - Do children and young people understand death? | Winston's Wish

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Do children aged 5-8 understand death?

Children who are aged 5-8 are starting to understand that death is something that is final, however, this can feel spooky or frightening. It might help to use books that explain death and the life cycle as a natural, normal thing – you’ll find our reading list here. At this age, children are starting to think about themselves and how that fits with the death – what is called ‘magical thinking’. For example, they might think that it’s their fault that the person has died – “I didn’t eat my breakfast and therefore mummy has died”. It’s important to give them clear information about the death and to help them understand that it’s not their fault. Children aged 5-8 will be beginning to think and feel strong emotions but they won’t have the vocabulary to understand theme or to explain them to us. You can help them to understand that the funny feeling in their tummy might be called ‘worry’, or that clenching of their fists and gritting of their teeth might be called ‘angry’.

Do children aged 9-12 understand death?

At this age, children understand the finality of death and that the person is not coming back. They are also more aware of the impact the death has on them, for example, that special person won’t be there for important birthdays or milestones like moving to secondary school. By this age, children will have developed a vocabulary to understand their thoughts and feelings, however, they might not want to share them for fear of upsetting other people. Not sharing their feelings often leads to big emotional releases such as anger or distress. You can help them by giving them permission to talk about how they feel about the person who has died and to talk about their worries and concerns with you. Children who are aged 9-12 are entering a time of transition and are likely to be moving to a new school. Transitioning from one school into another can be very difficult for some children who have experienced a bereavement. You can help them by listening to their worries and concerns and maybe by talking to the new school to let them know about the bereavement.

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