Soulmate Gem
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Is your third love your soulmate?

Your third relationship comes to you when you've already given up on the idea of finding your soulmate. That's when you find someone with whom you actually get along, and you start building your soulmate relationship. This is when you learn that love isn't something you find, it's something you develop.

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They say that you only really have three loves in your life. Kate Rose explained that each happens for a specific reason, the first to teach you about your expectations, the second to teach you about who you really are, and the third to teach you about what it really means to love another person. It’s true that our first love dispels our myths about fairytales, and that our second shows us to ourselves, and that our third is often unexpected. But what most people don’t realize is that these relationships aren’t always singular. Sometimes, we have to cycle through many relationships to learn one of those lessons. Sometimes, our feelings can betray us, and we can end up treating a teacher like a soulmate. What they don’t warn you about your first relationship is that it’s often not a relationship at all. It’s an almost. It’s a maybe. It’s “we’re talking,” and that’s it. Not everyone has the kind of high school relationship that you see in the movies. In fact, most people don’t. Most people break their expectations through a slew of people who flake, half-commit, betray and earn their mistrust. That’s what makes the second relationship so appealing at first. What they don’t warn you about your second relationship is that just because someone claims to love you more than anything doesn’t mean you’re right for each other. You become indecisive, you remain in denial. You don’t understand that love isn’t compatibility, and compatibility? It matters. And just because you have a lot in common and someone is everything you always thought your significant other would be doesn’t mean you’ll actually get along. Your second relationship really teaches you that attraction, infatuation, obsession… it isn’t love. It isn’t sustainable. And real compatibility is not always something you can predict. That’s why the third relationship is always such a shock. What they don’t warn you about your third relationship is that it’s sometimes the hardest one of all. Your third relationship comes to you when you’ve already given up on the idea of finding your soulmate. That’s when you find someone with whom you actually get along, and you start building your soulmate relationship. This is when you learn that love isn’t something you find, it’s something you develop. This is the relationship that is the real teacher, and the others were just preparation to get you to this one. This is the relationship that makes you who you are throughout your life. Yes, it feels right. But it doesn’t always feel easy. And if you aren’t careful, you can start believing that your forever person is going to fix everything you dislike about your life, when really, their job is to walk beside you as you do it yourself.

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What age should you fall in love?

It's important to consider your child as an individual. Consider their emotional maturity and sense of responsibility. For many kids, 16 seems to be an appropriate age, but it may be entirely suitable for a mature 15-year-old to go on a date, or to make your immature 16-year-old wait a year or two.

When your child mentions dating, or a girlfriend or boyfriend, try to get an idea of what those concepts mean to them. Take note of how your child reacts when you discuss dating. It could be a little uncomfortable or embarrassing, but if your child is unable to even discuss it with you without getting defensive or upset, take that as a sign that they probably aren’t ready.

Other things to consider include the following.

Is your child really interested in someone in particular, or are they just trying to keep up with what friends are doing?

Do you think your son or daughter would tell you if something went wrong?

Is your child generally confident and happy?

Does your child’s physical development match their emotional development?

Be aware that for many tweens and young teenagers, dating amounts to socializing in a group. While there may be interest between two in particular, it’s not double-dating so much as a group heading out or meeting up at the movies or the mall. This kind of group stuff is a safe and healthy way to interact with members of the opposite sex without the awkwardness that a one-on-one scenario can bring. Think of it as dating with training wheels. So, when is a child ready for one-on-one dating? There’s no right answer. It’s important to consider your child as an individual. Consider their emotional maturity and sense of responsibility. For many kids, 16 seems to be an appropriate age, but it may be entirely suitable for a mature 15-year-old to go on a date, or to make your immature 16-year-old wait a year or two.

You can also consider what other parents are doing. Are lots of kids the same as yours already dating in the true sense of the word?

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