Soulmate Gem
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Is the 3 date rule true?

In popular theory, that moment is the third date. The three-date rule, as firmly practiced by Charlotte York, stated that the third date was the appropriate time to have sex with a guy. But according to this survey, the old three-date rule is out, and now, women are waiting five dates before having sex.

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When you start dating someone new, there is always the looming question of when you'll sleep together for the first time. In popular theory, that moment is the third date. The three-date rule, as firmly practiced by Charlotte York, stated that the third date was the appropriate time to have sex with a guy. But according to this survey, the old three-date rule is out, and now, women are waiting five dates before having sex. (Evidently, they are also waiting for 12 text conversations, two gifts, and three movie nights. Um, OK I guess?) Sure. Five dates seems like an OK amount of time to spend getting to know each other. But so does three dates. So does 20 dates. So does three years of dating and a six-month engagement, if that's your thing. My point is, there isn't a universal right amount of time for every person. There isn't even necessarily a right amount of time for one person in every situation. Maybe with one guy, you couldn't keep your hands off each other on the first date, but then with the next, it took you months to feel comfortable. If you have your own rule for yourself, that's fine, but a) I think you should consider breaking it every once in a while and b) even if you don't, don't assume your rule is right for anyone else. Just like any other thing in life—from waking up in the morning to buying a house to having kids—we don't all have to do it at the same time. End of discussion.

Just kidding, it's never the end of discussion! So discuss: Do you follow a rule for when to sleep with a guy? If so, what is it? And even if you don't have a rule per se, is there a general amount of time that feels right to you?

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What is a toxic dating habit?

Talking too long before meeting. Every once in a while, you match with someone and the banter is off the charts. Before you know it, you're chatting every night before bed to the point that you know each other's childhood hopes and dreams (to be an astronaut, of course). Only you haven't actually met in person yet.

Look, I get that this is a touchy one. We all do it! But aside from, say, a very basic search to ensure someone’s not a murderer (or a catfish), most digging is just going to put you in a weird headspace and do more harm than good. Here’s an example: I matched with someone I’d previously known as an acquaintance, and after a quick Google discovered that he’s been sober for years. Not only did this cause me to completely panic when the waitress came to take our drink orders (I landed on herbal tea, of all things), I then had to pretend I was receiving new information when he told me about his sobriety. And while that may be an extreme example, knowing what someone’s ex looks like or that they used to have a beard is not relevant at this exact moment. (Would you want them finding those sexy Max from the Where the Wild Things Are Halloween pictures from 2013? I rest my case.)

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