Soulmate Gem
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Is PDA okay in public?

Appropriate PDA, however, is nice. It's nice to do, and it's perfectly fine to be around. (It's not like we looove watching people smooch, but if you witness a couple kiss while waiting at a crosswalk, you're not going to immediately Oedipus your eyes.)

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In case you somehow missed it, this week we were all subjected to photos of Pete Davidson engaging in some intense tonsil hockey with actress Kate Beckinsale—at an actual hockey game, no less. As a hockey fan, I was personally thrilled to find out that people were still attending Rangers games, let alone hot people like Queer Eye's Antoni and Kate herself. The graphic photos became instant meme fodder, and inspired a range of reactions from disgust to mild approval to downright encouragement. While we have a lot more important things to argue about, society’s collective discordance brings us back to the age-old fight surrounding PDA: Is it okay? If so, how much? Allow me to explain how to keep your PDA non-controversial. Look, PDA is just like clicking a pen: great when you’re the one doing it, and potentially terrible for everyone around you. The science behind it basically says that we perform PDA in order to show off, which make sense, considering most of us aren’t tonguing in front of MeeMaw or going in for a butt squeeze in full view of upper management. PDA is inherently about the transgression, no matter how large or small, of doing something private in public. This makes it very thrilling for the parties involved, and very eye-roll-inducing for the rest of us who are just waiting in line for the bathroom at Kirk’s 34th birthday party. The reason we’re uptight about PDA most likely has its origins in organized religion, misogyny, and the weird etiquette of the Regency period. Regardless of the roots, and how far we’ve been comin’ out of our prudish cage and doin’ just fine as a country (remember when J-Lo’s Grammy dress was shocking?), we’re all still a bit divided about public smooching. This 1984 New York Times article about PDA largely sounds like it could have been written today. As the article (somewhat uncomfortably) alludes to, part of what makes PDA polarizing has to do with cultural and social norms. Certainly, PDA is safer for some groups of people than others. To bring it back to hockey, it wasn’t until January 9, 2016, that a gay couple made it onto a kiss cam at a major sporting event (I was at this Kings game! I’m a real fan!).

There are tiers to PDA, to be sure. Part of what made the Pete Davidson/Kate Beckinsale photos so salacious was their generous use of tongue, which, in my not-at-all humble opinion, pushed this particular instance of PDA into controversial territory. So what makes certain displays palatable while other stuff makes us squirm?

Two things: whom you’re with, and how far you take it.

As anyone with two iotas of common sense would infer, you definitely want to avoid most, if not all, forms of PDA in front of your elderly relatives or your superiors at work. That should be obvious. The real guideline here is: If you’re hanging out with other people, even your close friends, keep your PDA relatively PG.

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