Is love an illusion or real?

As poet Miguel de Unamuno said, “love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion.” By definition, illusions are mismatches between our perception and physical reality. Therefore, it may be possible to say love is a completely subjective or unique experience for each and every individual.

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Do You Believe In Love?

That might sound like an odd question; most people believe love is a feeling that exists in a relationship, but some may wonder is love an illusion. Whether you love someone or not, many may probably agree that— just like gravity, the sun, or the sky— love is real. However, like some visual illusions, some people may believe or argue that love is a form of illusion. As poet Miguel de Unamuno said, “love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion.” By definition, illusions are mismatches between our perception and physical reality. Therefore, it may be possible to say love is a completely subjective or unique experience for each and every individual. When it comes to illusions, it’s one thing to say, “The sun exists.” Actually experiencing the warmth and light of the sun is something different altogether. For example, let’s imagine that you’ve spent your whole life in a dark, grey room. You could see the sun outside your window but you’ve never really interacted with it. So, even though you know the sun is real and not one of many illusions, you’ve never enjoyed the feeling of a bit of sunshine on your shoulders. You’ve never had the fun of tanning on the beach or laughing with friends as your ice cream melts through your fingers on a sunny summer day. Is it an illusion? Most people would agree that their lives feel a bit more happy and full as a result of their sunny summer memories. And that’s exactly how many people feel when they think about love in a relationship and form a meaningful bond, that it isn’t an illusion. Whether they’ve experienced the love of a parent, a pet, a friend, or a romantic partner, most people feel that their experiences with love have enriched their lives, not as an illusion. But, sadly, that isn’t true for everyone and some may wonder if is love an illusion and may even fear it based on their perception of these illusions. They may feel as though they’ve never experienced love or that love is an illusion. Some people have survived a lifetime of pain or fear, beginning with a traumatic childhood, bullying in school, along with complex pain and rejection in their dating lives as they grow up. As a result, people who have lived through these experiences may feel that love does exist— for other people— but they don’t believe in it themselves and due to their perception, may believe it's just an illusion in our society. This article is for those people: for every human who has ever given up on love or felt that love is just an illusion. Over the course of this article, we’ll take a look at some of the common misconceptions and painful experiences that can distort our opinion or perception of love and make you feel as though love is an illusion, as well as learn how you can overcome them through the healing power of therapy.

Why Do People Give Up On Love

As we saw in some of the examples from the previous paragraph, many people give up on love as a result of trauma or doubt they form and this makes them begin to think love is just an illusion in their human experience. If you’re wondering what “love is an illusion meaning” actually means, it may mean that some people believe love only exists in fairytales, making it an illusion and they may want to give up on trying to find true love in a union. But losing faith in love doesn’t necessarily mean that you give up on all forms of love forever or that it's actually an illusion. For example, someone might have a very close and loving relationship pattern with their parents or their siblings for that matter even though they believe that a romantic relationship isn’t for them. Similarly, someone who has lost a beloved pet may have loving relationships with other people while simultaneously thinking that they will never be able to love another animal or human again.

These feelings of illusions usually stem from a traumatic experience with loss or rejection in a relationship which may lead to an individual with a complex perspective on the possibility of love, not actually illusions. For example, let’s imagine that you fell in love with someone and planned to marry them. Perhaps you’ve been dating in a relationship for several years by this point and you’re both delightedly thinking about planning your wedding. At this stage in a relationship, it’s safe to say that you trust this person, know where you stand, and assume that they are “safe.” You love them, have passion for them, you envision a safe and happy future with them, and thus you trust that they won’t hurt or wrong you. But what if, one day, you came home and caught your partner in bed with your best friend finding out they sleep together?

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Although this experience has been trivialized— and even treated as normal in song music or a media story, the reality is that this type of betrayal would be deeply hurtful and traumatic for a future relationship, and isn’t just part of illusions. When something like this occurs and you feel that you’ve been treated wrong, you might feel that your mind gets “stuck” in a repetitive story as you reflect on the lies and insensitivity that ultimately characterize a betrayal of this nature in your imagination. From there, it’s natural to feel shaky and uncertain as you re-evaluate and explore the other relationships in your life and wonder who else might be lying to you or engaging in behaviors that will break your heart. As a result, some people decide to shield themselves from pain and heartbreak in the future by avoiding relationships in the world altogether even if they have physical attraction or find someone interesting. This can take a variety of different forms that affect someone’s interactions or affection with other people and the world they live in their human existence, possibly giving them the perspective that love is an illusion and not worth the risk. For example, someone might become reclusive and attempt to avoid all interactions with other people in the world as much as possible to reduce the risk of getting hurt. By contrast, others may continue to engage with other people by having friendships or going on dates, but they might keep others at arm’s length and avoid the development of close friendships or emotional attachments. Although it’s easy to understand why some people choose to do this, the sad reality in the world is that this behavior is unhealthy for our brains. Isolating yourself from others is a lonely and unhealthy way to live; everyone needs a connection with other human beings, even if that connection comes with the risk of emotional damage. And that’s exactly why it’s important to cultivate a healthy balance when it comes to your emotions and relationships with other people. It’s good to exercise discernment in your relationships or wonder if you should trust them with your body, to identify red flags and avoid getting close to people who can be toxic for you, but it’s also important to remember that you shouldn’t put up walls that prevent you from forming healthy emotional attachments with others.

Letting Go Of Doubt

But of course, sometimes that’s more easily said than done, and no one has all the answers. If you’ve been hurt before, it’s easy to assume that love isn’t real, that it can’t last, or it's an illusion. And if relationships are centered around that assumption of illusions in our brains, it can be very difficult to open up and allow our body to be trusting and vulnerable. Fortunately, however, even though that can be difficult, it is not impossible. So, let’s take a look at some steps you can take to open up and cultivate healthy relationships. If you feel as though you’ve given up on love and intimacy in your story, and it's full of illusions, those feelings are often rooted in pain and trauma. And when that’s the case, it can be helpful to have comfort and support as you work through those feelings and find the answer. That’s why it’s important to process your trauma with the guidance of a licensed mental health professional who can work with you and provide you with positive coping strategies. Traumas that affect our outlook on life and love are often significant and no one should have to process these painful experiences on their own. Therapy can be a fantastic first step in your healing process because it equips you with the tools you need to grow, heal, and move forward with hope and overcome these feelings of illusions. With that said, it’s important to remember that healing takes time; you won’t be “fixed” after one therapy session. As you and your therapist work together to unpack your feelings and your past experiences with words, you’ll gradually learn more about why you feel the way you do and how you can develop a healthier approach towards life, love, and relationships. This is true regardless of the specifics which characterize your trauma. Whether you were abused by your parents or another authority figure as a child or you had a series of painful friendships and traumatic dating relationships, therapy can help you unpack these experiences and identify the future steps that will help you heal from illusions.

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Throughout your time in therapy, you’ll also develop a new sense of self-awareness. Therapy can help you understand why your experiences have impacted you in the way they did which caused you to believe love is an illusion and give you the tools to understand yourself, your mental health, and the expression of your emotions. As a result, you’ll learn how to understand and accept yourself without judgment while also acknowledging the unhealthy thoughts and feelings that are preventing you from being your best self. The work you do in therapy may sometimes be uncomfortable because it will require you to confront difficult truths and relive painful experiences when you tell your story, realizing your past is not an illusion. But as difficult as that can sometimes be, it’s important to remember that therapy is so helpful in the long run because it empowers you to be your healthiest self and build secure and healthy relationships that aren’t just an illusion. Of course, that’s not to say that all your future relationships will be perfect; all people are fallible and the people you love will sometimes let you down and disappoint you. But therapy can help you to work through your feelings and identify the difference between genuine red flags and the pain of past experiences that drive you to shut your senses off from future relationships believing love is an illusion. So, if you feel ready to reach out and seek hope and healing through therapy, you may want to consider BetterHelp. BetterHelp is an online mental health provider run by licensed counselors and therapists who are passionate about making mental health care to all. With the advances in modern technology, many people have gravitated toward online therapy because this format is more convenient in our hectic, fast-paced world. Rather than needing to amend your schedule to attend an in-person therapy appointment, online therapy is literally right at your fingertips; you can chat with your therapist from the comfort of your own phone any time you want! So, if you feel that love is an illusion or that you’ve given up on love, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to feel that way forever. Everyone deserves to enjoy happy, healthy relationships with other human beings, and you don’t have to be alone! So, if you want to learn more about the tools that can help you work through your trauma and develop healthy, loving relationships, you can reach out to a counselor at BetterHelp today!

betterhelp.com - Love Is An Illusion: Learning To Let Go Of Doubt - BetterHelp

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