Is it true that first love is the deepest?

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Do you really know who the “One” is? Your true Soulmate?

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YOUR heart goes thump, you get a fluttery feeling in your tummy and during lessons, you doodle hearts with your names together. There's nothing quite like your first love. Those carefree days where you thought of nothing else but the next time you'll see each other - putting aside any worries about exams, parents and homework. Once the romance ends, most of us gradually move on. But sometimes, a reminder of what "true" love used to be like comes back to haunt us. Britney Spears had an unexpected pang of the first love break-up blues when she broke down in tears on primetime American TV, after being asked about her split with Justin Timberlake. It's been almost two years since the teenage sweethearts broke up. Both are now 21 and appeared to have moved on, with Spears currently single. Timberlake has settled with actress Cameron Diaz. Spears first met Timberlake when she was 11 - they were both Mouseketeers in The Mickey Mouse Club. The couple later went out for four years before finally deciding to call it a day in March 2002. Relate counsellor Denise Knowles says that Spears is just going through the normal process of getting over a break-up. "When a relationship comes to an end, you go through a grieving process. Everybody grieves differently and each person takes a different time to get over it. You can't put a time scale on anyone's grieving because it depends on the individual." But she suggests that the singer should suffer privately, rather than in public so that her emotions are not under scrutiny. Being vulnerable under the camera's spotlight is enough to make most people uncomfortable. Knowles said, "If you decide to publicise your feelings, you have to be aware that everyone will have an opinion. Some people are probably saying, 'Come on, get a life,' when in actual fact, it's very painful to her. "If you are taking your time grieving and you're finding it hard to come to terms with the break-up, then you should confide in one or two close friends." So what is it about our first love that makes it so hard to forget? Dr David Nias, a senior psychologist at the University Of London, explains that it hits us with such an intensity that it makes a huge impact.

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"Our first love is the most intense one. For most people, it will be the only time you truly fall in love." Nias also says that women tend to get more emotional after a split because they have varying expectations of relationships. "Sex and relationships are different for men and women for evolutionary reasons. The typical male fantasy is going out hunting, seeking excitement from a new conquest, while the woman has a more romantic notion, wanting to be swept off her feet and be charmed and seduced."

This theory extends to break-ups too.

He added, "For men, the thrill is in the chase so once they get what they are after, the rest of the relationship is an anti-climax. Breaking up doesn't matter that much." According to Nias, most men will deal with a break-up the way Timberlake has by looking for a new relationship. "Most men will laugh and joke about it, and they will put on a brave front, possibly by seeking out a new partner. "They usually take on a positive coping strategy, by taking an attitude that there are many more fish in the sea. Those who don't follow this tend to become stalker-like, obsessing over what they have lost." Knowles says it's fine to reminisce once in a while about the one who captured your heart. She said, "It only starts to be a problem when you start to compare potential relationships to it or when you are put off new relationships because you long for what you had." She suggests you might get closure from that relationship by re-establishing contact, if you are still single. "I met my first love through Friends Reunited," she added. The website is popular for tracking down childhood sweethearts, says co-founder Steve Pankhurst. "We cannot believe the number of emails we receive from users who have logged on to the site and are now back together with old sweethearts," he added.

walesonline.co.uk - First love is the deepest say experts - Wales Online

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