Photo: Wendy Wei

Is it smart to date your best friend?

Ultimately, each relationship is so unique that there is no blanket rule for whether best friends make good couples. But, if you are both on the same page about what you want in a relationship, constantly show respect, trust, and communicate openly, then best friends can make a really good couple.

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Dating your best friend isn’t always a great idea. Of course, it’s not always a bad idea either. Like many things in life, dating your best friend can be hugely rewarding or a huge mistake. People who categorically refuse to take this route are cheating themselves, but no more than those who don’t take the matter seriously.

Dating Your Best Friend

Unsure If You Should Date Your Best Friend? We Understand - Discuss How You're Feeling With A Licensed Relationship Counselor You’ve probably thought about it a bit already and come to some conclusions. The person that you date should be someone you like – fair enough. However, relationships don’t always go the way you want, and you could lose a partner and a best friend – also true.

However, it goes deeper than that.

But Is it a Good Idea?

Your friends know you best – and they probably know your best friend best too. As a result, it’s worth talking to your friends before, during, and potentially after dating your best friend. You should also do some soul-searching yourself, starting with this article, of course. Ask yourself, "Am I in love with my best friend?" If you need some extra help at any step along the way, you might want to think about reaching out to a relationship counselor as well. But we’ll talk about that later in the article.

Pros:

Some of the pros are the most obvious. Otherwise, you probably wouldn’t have thought about this long enough to find this article.

Still, they’re worth taking another look at.

It’s Time Tested

It’s not always how it happens in movies, but many strong relationships do start as friendships. It’s how around 40 percent of relationships start, according to The Independent. A recent study conducted by Mic found similar results. That’s obvious. You’re friends. What better foundation to build a relationship on? Further, being friends with someone before becoming romantically involved with someone allows us to know that we can trust them. You’ve been friends for ages, so they’re clearly not just out to have sex with you. You also know what things you have in common and what sorts of things you enjoy doing together. One problem that many relationships have is that they don’t have other “couple friends.” If you and your partner already have friends in common, you’re more likely to have somewhere to start when you’re looking for double-dates. Further, you don’t need to go through all of the stress of meeting their friends and meeting the approval of their family – you’ve already done all of that.

Attraction

We often think of attraction as something that happens immediately. However, studies have found that the longer you know someone, the more attractive they are likely to seem. So, you might have missed love at first sight, but that doesn’t mean it’s too late for true love.

It doesn’t always work this way, but we’ll talk about that later.

Cons:

Of course, if there weren’t a potential downside, you probably wouldn’t still be thinking about this – you’d have just gone ahead and asked out your best friend. Or, said yes rather than kept them waiting while you searched for helpful articles so that you could make up your mind.

So, what are the downsides?

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Not All Relationships Are the Same

Romantic and platonic relationships have some different benefits, and they have some different challenges. You’re good friends don’t necessarily mean that you won’t encounter problems in a romantic relationship. Further, while you may have experience working out differences from your relationship so far, they were likely differences of another sort. They help us to get through problems in our lives. So, when you have relationship problems, you will likely go to your friends for support. However, if your relationship is with your best friend and has problems, your friends can feel like they’re being made to pick sides. Further, going to your friends for support when you’re dating your best friend can be a lot more awkward for everybody. We interact with groups differently than we interact in one-on-one situations. So, if you’ve never been really alone with your best friend, they may seem like a different person than when you’re with a group.

Social Events

Dates are great, but we need social time outside of our romantic relationships as well. That means that going out with friends can feel like an awkward date, and going on dates can feel like a regular weekend but with a low turnout. This can make it hard for you to establish a feeling of romance with your partner and a feeling of camaraderie with your other friends.

Attraction

We’ve already talked about how knowing someone for longer can make them feel more attractive. However, a lot of how attraction works in our minds is contextual. If we know someone in a more casual sense before trying to get to know them in a more sensual sense, we can have a hard time seeing them in a different light.

What if it Doesn’t Work Out?

In some ways, you have to try to look at a romantic relationship with a best friend as a completely new relationship. Otherwise, your expectations of what the relationship should or shouldn’t be will end before it even has a chance. Your fear of the relationship dying ugly can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If the relationship does end, it doesn’t mean that you have to lose your best friends or all of your friends in common if you navigate through the breakup carefully and respectfully so that both of your needs are met. Both of you understand what happened and why you can end your relationship on good terms and move forward with a happy and healthy friendship just like before.

What to Do?

So, after weighing all of these pros and cons in your mind, how do you make a decision?

As we mentioned above, talking to your friends about it can be a good place to start. They know both of you, and they understand the dynamics involved in your relationship. They may help you determine whether the relationship will work and how bad it might be if things don’t work out. You can also talk to your best friend. See how they feel and how they would recommend going forward – if they would recommend going forward. Going on a couple of “pre-dates” to spend time alone together can be a good start. Try to pick places and activities that you don’t associate with your friendship or your larger friend group. If you’re really stuck, you can look into talking with a relationship counselor.

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A Relationship Counselor?

Many people think that relationship or couples’ counselors are only going poorly between married people. This isn’t the case. Relationship counselors are experts in relationships. As a result, they can help you determine what you need from a relationship and help you start a relationship off on the right foot and keep it strong. A good relationship counselor might be exactly what you need to decide whether you should date your best friend and how to turn your friendship into a romantic relationship. Of course, if things don’t work out, they can also help you end the relationship on good terms to minimize damage between the two of you and between you and the rest of your friend group.

Finding a Relationship Counselor

Unsure If You Should Date Your Best Friend? We Understand - Discuss How You're Feeling With A Licensed Relationship Counselor You should find relationship counselors near you by consulting your local phonebook or doing a quick browser search. Of course, the relationship counselor doesn’t actually have to be near you in this day and age. More and more people are turning to online counseling as a way of saving money, fitting things into their schedules, and expanding their options. With online relationship counseling, like that offered through Regain, you meet with one of the hundreds of qualified and professional relationship counselors over the internet. Meetings can take place over on-platform chatrooms or video or voice calls. In many cases, you can also text your counselor in emergencies between sessions. For more information about how meeting with an online relationship counselor can help you, visit https://www.regain.us/start/.

Counselor Reviews

“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.” "My experience with Priscilla has been immensely helpful in better understanding myself and providing me with the tools to see my life and relationships with more clarity and compassion."

Moving Forward

This was a pros and cons article rather than a yes or no article because no one knows your relationship with your best friend as you do. Dating your best friend might work out, or it might not, but the important thing is to make careful mutual decisions made in an atmosphere of respect.

regain.us - Should I Date My Best Friend? Pros And Cons - ReGain

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