Photo: Tim Douglas

Is it OK to make out at 10?

Kristin Carothers, a psychologist with the Child Mind Institute in New York City. “It is age-appropriate for 10 year olds to be curious, but limits should be established for physical touch. Kissing and other behaviors are more developmentally appropriate behaviors for teenagers who are of dating age.”

yourteenmag.com - Ask The Expert: My 10-Year-Old Son Kissed A Girl - Your Teen Magazine

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Dear Your Teen,

I have a 10-year-old boy that I just found out has kissed a girl. He’s been texting things like “I love you” and claims he is going to kiss her again. I feel he is way too young. However, I am trying to find out if this is normal. Should I prevent him from hanging out with this girl in the future?

More on early romance: Middle School Dating: Turn it Into a Parenting Opportunity

EXPERT | Dr. Kristen Carothers, MAC, LPC

You are right to question this type of romantic behavior at this early age, says Dr. Kristin Carothers, a psychologist with the Child Mind Institute in New York City. “It is age-appropriate for 10 year olds to be curious, but limits should be established for physical touch. Kissing and other behaviors are more developmentally appropriate behaviors for teenagers who are of dating age.”

Recommendations for Explaining Appropriate Behavior:

1. Have a talk.

Parents can explain to younger adolescents that while it’s normal to feel affection, it’s too early to be expressing those feelings with intimate physical behavior, like kissing. “It is normal to expect that children may have feelings that they deem are romantic love, even though expressing romantic love to a peer at this age is not appropriate,” says Carothers. The average age to have a first kiss is much older than ten. In general, it’s helpful to tell younger adolescents that romantic behaviors are appropriate for teenagers of dating age (i.e. 16 or older) because they are more mature.

2. Help adolescents understand what is allowed.

Parents should always tell their children what behaviors they want them to engage in when identifying off limit behaviors, stresses Carothers. “Sometimes we give explicit information about what not to do. But then we fail to let kids know what they should do instead,” she says. “Giving children behaviors they should engage in, provides a unique teaching and learning opportunity.” For example, if the parent tells an adolescent that kissing is off limits, the parent should include what is allowed. In this case, that could include the young boy telling the girl the positive things he likes about her, why he appreciates her, or giving her a card or some special gift he has made for her. “Parents can let young adolescents know that while they are too young for romantic kissing, they could write the person a poem or letter as long as it is developmentally appropriate,” adds Carothers.

3. Begin teaching consent.

Engaging in romantic behaviors, like kissing, too early can also result in misunderstandings about appropriate types of touch, notes Carothers. “It is important to teach physical boundaries, and to ask permission before touching anyone,” she says, adding that “in this case, the girl’s parents and the girl may not be comfortable with his expressions and could see it as negative.” We thought you'd also like: Ask The Expert: My Young Daughter Is Being Influenced By Teens In general, at this young age, physical touch should be avoided unless it’s a handshake or high five or an adolescent has asked (a girl or boy) permission to show her affection in that way.

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How to hug your boyfriend for the first time in middle school?

Hug your boyfriend differently than you would hug your friend. Place your hand higher on his/her back. Squeeze gently, but do not press your body as close. Pat his/her back to make the hug more casual. Hold the hug for as long as it seems comfortable for both parties. Remember to look into his eyes and smile.

wikihow.com - How to Hug Your Boyfriend: 10 Steps (with Pictures) - wikiHow

This article was co-authored by LeTisha Underwood . LeTisha Underwood is a Certified Professional Matchmaker and the CEO of Two Hearts Exclusive Matchmaking Services. With more than five years of experience, she specializes in helping marriage-minded people find their life partners. LeTisha holds a Matchmaker Certification from The Global Love Institute. This article has been viewed 174,732 times.

Article Summary

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To hug your boyfriend, start by stepping toward him and putting your left arm between his right arm and his body, with your hand on his lower back. Then, raise your other arm and put your hand on the back of this neck. If you want, you can lean your head against his shoulder. Next, give him a gentle squeeze, but don’t hug him so tight that it’s uncomfortable. Finally, hold the hug for a few seconds before letting go. For tips on how to hug your boyfriend if he’s taller than you, read on!

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