Photo: Zen Chung

Is it normal to love your best friend so much?

It's normal to feel close to them and possibly develop an attraction that goes beyond what you might feel for other friends or acquaintances. Even if you and your best friend aren't initially interested in each other romantically, your feelings can change over time.

betterhelp.com - The Pros And Cons Of Falling In Love With Your Best Friend - BetterHelp

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Do you really know who the “One” is? Your true Soulmate?

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A relationship with a best friend, someone who splits your interests and complements your personality, can be a meaningful and fulfilling part of your life. It’s normal to feel close to them and possibly develop an attraction that goes beyond what you might feel for other friends or acquaintances. Even if you and your best friend aren’t initially interested in each other romantically, your feelings can change over time. While falling in love with someone you’re already close with is natural, it is normal to fear your friend dynamic changing, or even losing a friend if the romantic relationship ends. If you’re developing a genuine romantic connection with your best friend, you may want to consider how acting on your feelings might impact your relationship, both positively and negatively. The following pros and cons may help you determine what to do if you’ve found yourself falling in love with your best friend.

Pros And Cons Of Falling For Your Best Friend

While there are many potential benefits of starting a romantic relationship with your best friend—you’re likely well acquainted, familiar with each other’s social circles, and comfortable interacting—there are also some potential drawbacks you may want to remain aware of.

Pro: You have a history.

One benefit of beginning a relationship with a close friend can be the foundation of trust and familiarity. There can often be less pressure attached to the initial stages of the romantic relationship with a friend since you may already feel comfortable around one another. You may even have some knowledge regarding their previous relationship history. Having an idea of what your best friend values when it comes to romance can provide insight into what a relationship with them might look like. This can be beneficial in navigating early stages of your romantic relationship, including communication strategies or understanding each other’s needs.

Con: You might lose them as a friend and a partner.

If you date someone you've formed a close friendship with, your dynamic will likely shift if you end things. Even if you decide to stay friends, it can be hard for people who were in a romantic relationship to remain close when they break up. You may decide that you don’t want to act on your feelings based on the possibility of losing this person as a friend and a romantic partner.

Pro: You are comfortable with each other already.

It can be easy to develop certain expectations of a potential partner, only to find out you’re not compatible. With a close friend, you may feel more confident that you’ll get along well as romantic partners based on your existing relationship. Often, the components of a successful friendship—communication, honesty, respect—also exist in successful partnerships. Familiarity with your best friend may translate to comfort when it comes to a romantic relationship.

Con: You may skip an introductory phase.

While some people feel more comfortable knowing what they’re getting into, for others, the risk is the reward—they like some uncertainty in their lives. Learning about a new person can be exciting. Couples often talk about how fun the “getting to know you” phase can be. Learning surprising things about a new partner—hidden talents, family history, goals and aspirations—can help you form a bond and make things interesting. If you date someone who’s already a close friend, that phase will likely be abbreviated.

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If you’re someone who is enticed by the mystery and excitement of dating a stranger, you might not want to date your best friend. Of course, you may just be assuming that you already know them well enough—but you haven’t gotten to know them as a romantic partner.

Pro: You might have mutual friends.

You probably already know some of your best friend's family and friends, so you might avoid the potentially awkward interactions that often occur when meeting a new partner’s loved ones. You may even have a built-in social group of mutual friends. If you’re considering acting on your feelings for your best friend, it can help to know that you already get along with the important people in their life. Knowing ahead of time how you’ll fit into your best friend’s social and family circles can ease some of the tension that’s present early in relationships.

Con: Dynamics might change within your friendship.

If your best friend becomes your romantic partner, you might lose the ability to interact with them like you did before. For one, they are no longer an objective party in your relationship struggles. Outsourcing support, advice, and unbiased opinions regarding your relationship will need to come from another source. You may also naturally lose some of the old patterns or interaction styles you had as platonic friends.

Every Situation Is Different

A romantic relationship with a best friend can be a rewarding part of your life. It's a good idea, though, to take time to think about the benefits and drawbacks that are specific to your friendship. Whether best friends should act on their feelings for one another is going to depend on several factors, and every situation will be different. You may know that your best friend just got out of a serious relationship, or you might feel that you won’t be compatible as romantic partners based on your respective relationship histories.

As you consider the above pros and cons, ask yourself some questions. Are they into me in the same way I’m into them? Are they giving me signals that they're interested? What happens if the spark dies? Can we go back to just being best friends?

Navigating Your Relationships With Therapy

If you’ve fallen in love with a best friend and the two of you would like help navigating the relationship, online therapy can help. A study on the efficacy of online therapy interventions for couples found that treatment can improve relationship functioning, satisfaction, and communication, in addition to helping decrease symptoms of individual mental health conditions. Researchers also noted that online therapy reduced barriers to treatment present with in-person couples therapy, such as financial constraints and lack of the means to approach to providers. Online therapy provides a convenient and approachable form of counseling for people looking to better understand their relationships. Platforms like BetterHelp allow you to connect with a licensed mental health professional from the comfort of your home. Starting at $60 per week (billed every 4 weeks), online therapy with BetterHelp may be more affordable than traditional therapy. You can participate in sessions remotely, through video call, phone call, or in-app messaging. The licensed mental health providers at BetterHelp can help you work through complicated feelings regarding love and relationships. Read below for reviews of therapists from those who have sought help for similar concerns in the past.

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Therapist Reviews

“Lauren is awesome. She quickly gains a grasp of specific things that give me anxiety and helps me understand aspects of my thought processes that contribute to those anxious spirals. She’s given me a lot of tools to help me work through specific triggers for anxious thoughts and coping mechanisms for when things begin to feel overwhelming. She asks the right questions to help me realize things I wouldn’t otherwise think about, which has helped me understand how I react to external and internal aspects of my anxiety and depression. All of this has been invaluable for my approach to internal conflict and improving how I communicate with friends and partners. She is very responsive and always has time available for video or phone sessions, which I appreciate as someone who will often put off working through something until it becomes a jumbled mess in my head, and I know I can rely on her having time to jump in and help me break it down into more approachable pieces. Thanks, Lauren!” “Having Krysten as an active sounding board has improved my relationships with my partner and friends. The messaging is also a very helpful way for communicating. It is like having a journal that answers back with new ways to look at things. The messaging also allows the sessions to be more impactful, because we have already moved the dial before going into them.”

Takeaway

It’s natural to develop romantic feelings for a close friend and not know whether to act on them. A romantic relationship with your best friend can be healthy and fulfilling, but it can also come with certain dynamic changes. If you’re having trouble navigating your emotions related to a friendship or romantic relationship, know that support is available. Consider reaching out to a therapist who can help you work through your feelings and decide what you want from the friendship moving forward.

betterhelp.com - The Pros And Cons Of Falling In Love With Your Best Friend - BetterHelp

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