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Is End of Life breathing painful?

It can be upsetting or worrying for those around the person to hear their noisy breathing. But it's unlikely to be painful or distressing for the person who's dying. Often they will be unconscious or won't be aware of it.

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For friends and family: what you can do

It might be reassuring for the person if you speak calmly to them and hold or stroke their hand gently. Even if someone is unconscious, they may still be able to hear or feel you. If you are worried that they are distressed or in pain, speak to their doctor or nurse. They may be able to prescribe medicines or look at other ways to make them more comfortable. If you are alone with the person and would like someone else to be with you when they die or afterwards, you could call a friend or family member. You might also find it helpful to read about what to expect in the last weeks and days.

Moment of death

It’s not always clear when the exact moment of death occurs. A doctor or other healthcare professional will confirm the death if breathing, the heart and circulation have stopped. They may also check the eyes and body for other signs. When a person dies, those around them may notice that their face suddenly relaxes and looks peaceful. If the death isn’t peaceful, it’s unlikely that the person will have been aware of it. If anyone around the person finds it distressing, they can speak to a doctor, nurse or bereavement counsellor. There are many different beliefs about what happens after death, but those nearby may sense that consciousness has left.

Choosing the moment to die

It can sometimes appear that people choose the moment to die. For example, people talk about someone hanging on until a relative arrives at their bedside, or until a special anniversary or birthday. A person who is confused, drowsy or unconscious may also wake up and be able to say a final goodbye before dying. In contrast, some people die alone or at an unexpected time. For example, some people tell us a relative appeared to wait until everyone had left the room – even for the shortest time – before they died. If someone dies when you’re not there, you may feel hurt that they appear not to have chosen to be with you when they die. Or you might feel you’ve let the person down by missing that moment.

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It’s impossible to know why people die at the precise moment they do. They may have little control over those final moments. You can still leave the room to give yourself a break and to give them space. You could think about whether you want to say goodbye each time you leave the room in case they die when you’re not there.

What to do when someone has died

If you’re in a hospital or a hospice, tell a healthcare professional that the person has died. If you’re by yourself at home or in a care home, call the GP or district nurse as soon as you feel able to. They’ll arrange a visit to confirm that the person has died. If they are seeing patients, they may need to finish their clinic before they visit. You might want to sit with the body by yourself or you may prefer to be in a different room. Speak to a friend or family member if you’d like someone else to be with you.

Bereavement support

This can be a very distressing time for you, as well as other family and friends. Getting the right emotional and spiritual care and support is important. The person's nursing team – including your Marie Curie Nurse if they had one – can help. They can also arrange further bereavement support, so that you do not have to cope with their feelings alone.

Find out more about getting support when someone dies.

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