Is coming on too strong a red flag?

Is it a red flag if a guy comes on too strong? Yes, it could be a red flag. For example, it could mean he wants to control you. It could be that he will abuse you when you get together.

regain.us - Is He Coming On Too Strong? 5 Red Flags You Should Never Ignore

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Do you really know who the “One” is? Your true Soulmate?

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The initial pursuit of a relationship is often the most exciting part. Flirting, dancing around the issue, and eventually coming to an agreement of some kind (“Could I take you out sometime?”) is an exciting part of any new relationship, and many people find this part of the relationship intoxicating. There is a difference, though, between a healthy pursuit of a relationship, and coming on far too strong. You should be on the lookout for signs you’re so excited to find love that you’re overlooking concerning red flags. Is your guy falling on the side of coming on far too strong?

What Is It?

Coming on too strong wouldn’t essentially mean pursuing someone too aggressively, but it could. There is some room for error, here: some people want to be pursued aggressively, while they sit back and wait for someone to come to them, while others want to engage in the form of mutual pairing, where both parties simultaneously demonstrate interest in one another, and move forward on equal footing, as equal parts of a partnership. Coming on too strong often looks like overwhelming someone with calls, texts, or in-person visits, trying to forge commitments after only a few days of knowing one another. Maybe you just had one date with a guy, and now he’s suddenly calling you ten times a week, and it might make you feel nervous or pressured. Coming on too strong can initially feel flattering, but can also be a means of creating discomfort, fear, and uncertainty within a relationship. If you are feeling this way, speaking with an online therapist can help you work through your feelings.

Why Can It Be Dangerous?

Not Sure If He's Coming On Too Strong? Ask A Relationship Expert - Talk To A Licensed Professional Online In some cases, coming on a little strong is largely harmless, and signals someone excited about your relationship, and wants to see it flourish. In some cases, though, coming on strong is an indication of jealousy, deceit, or control issues, all of which have the potential to harm you and your partner. If, at any point, you feel unsafe in your relationship, be sure to reach out to someone who can help, like a trusted friend, or mental health professional. When he is coming on strong you signal you are not ready, and he does not hack down, this could be dangerous. In an ideal world coming on strong is a warning sign. Sometimes it’s hard to know the difference between someone being really flirty, and someone who could be demonstrating potentially problematic behavior. But truthfully, it takes time to really get to know someone’s personality, and if you prefer to take it slow and get to know each other better with less pressure, then you should always feel comfortable saying, “Let’s slow this down and get to know each other better before we move forward."

5 Red Flags You Should Never Ignore

1) Demonstrating Controlling Behavior

This is a serious red flag that should make you jump ship immediately because in the long term it could turn into abuse. Controlling behavior can be difficult to detect and is often seemingly harmless at first. A partner might begin attempts at control with simple demands made upon you and your time, like insisting that you speak to him, even when you’ve told him that you don’t have time, or that you are otherwise engaged. He might also demand that you do things according to his timetable, such as seeing a movie at the time most convenient for him, rather than taking your needs into account, or monopolizing the restaurants the two of you eat when you go out. If you are facing or witnessing abuse of any kind, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or Text "START" to 88788. You can also use the online chat. Although these little things might not initially seem to be a big deal when you’ve just started dating, these red flags can signal a bigger problem. Often, people who struggle with control issues will exhibit smaller, more palatable types of control, and continually build up to reach more intense levels of control and manipulation. At the outset, little trials can help someone determine how much control you are willing to relinquish over your life and decisions.

2) Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can also seem innocuous at first. While it’s a red flag that can be difficult to miss, you should still be on the alert for it. You might find yourself constantly wondering, “Did I misunderstand?” when the two of you have disagreements, and he insists that you didn’t get what he was saying. He might also suggest that you are crazy, unstable, or overly dramatic for reacting the way that you react, and can make it seems as though most of the problems you encounter in your relationship are due to how immature, naïve, or inexperienced you are, painting himself as some savior figure, who deigns to deal with your silly, uncouth behavior. If you are facing or witnessing abuse of any kind, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or Text "START" to 88788. You can also use the online chat.

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Again, this type of manipulation often starts small and begins to build, but does so at a slow enough pace that it can be hard to detect until you find yourself wondering if you are crazy, or unlovable, or too dramatic ever to be taken seriously. The danger of gaslighting is that, over time, it breaks down your ability to trust yourself, and can make you feel as though you have lost your mind.

3) Using Guilt

Using guilt to manipulate someone is never healthy, appropriate, or safe. Although it is a common joke that parents use guilt to control and sway their children, using guilt is a dangerous tactic, as it pins all of the weight and responsibility on the person being controlled while relieving the controller of all responsibility. Common phrases used to guilt someone into behaving a certain way include, “If you loved me, you would…” and “I just love you so much…” A guy who’s already using guilt as a control tactic early on should make you pause to consider what he is really looking for in this relationship and what he is expecting from you. Using guilt at the very beginning of a relationship might look like him telling you that you have a special connection, and it’s meant to be, although he hardly knows you. He might look for signs, like having a compatible zodiac sign, or other irrelevant connections. Maybe the types of men you’re usually attracted to are commitment-phobes, so you feel a certain pressure to go for the kind of men who are looking for a higher level of commitment. But if you just met a guy, and he already says it’s time to take things to the next level, and you feel uncomfortable, then listen to your gut. You are under no obligation to move forward with anything you don’t want to do. Guilt is an effective control tactic, but can make you feel as though you do not have a say in your own life, and can make it seem as though you are an ungrateful, horrible human being, even if this is light-years from the truth. Any form of manipulation is dangerous, and staying in a relationship with any form of abuse can wreak absolute havoc on your emotional and mental well being. If you are facing or witnessing abuse of any kind, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or Text "START" to 88788. You can also use the online chat.

4) Using Double Standards

Double standards are another red flag to watch out for, as many men will deal almost exclusively in double standards-especially abusive ones. You might notice that he doesn’t seem to like that you hang out with your guy friends periodically, but is always allowed to hang out with his friends. You might notice that he places a lot of emphasis on knowing where you are at all times, and making sure that you are checking in, but fails to ever truly let you in on where he is, what he is doing, or who he is doing it with. Double standards can also start small and grow. But ignoring double standards is one of the most common mistakes women and men make in the very beginning phases of a relationship. Initially, double standards might seem minuscule: he wants you to text him back quickly, but he can take a day or two to respond. He might grow frustrated with your propensity for emotional outbursts, but then lash out in anger at the drop of a hat. Any rule, unspoken or spoken, that favors him over you and demonizes behavior when you do it, and accepts it when he does it, is not reasonable or appropriate.

5) Displaying Secretive Behavior

Being in a relationship does not mean that you are privy to every single moment of someone else’s life. You and your partner should both have friends, interests, and activities outside of one another, to maintain a well-balanced and robust life. That being said, if you find that your partner is not only going out without you, or engaging in favored activities without you, but seems jumpy and uncomfortable if you ask questions about what he did, glance at his phone, or request to use his computer for any length of time, that could signal a problem. Many people feel uncomfortable and violated if someone looks at their computer or phone, as many people use these devices as journals, of sorts, through placing important pictures, saving important information, and imbuing their personalities and preferences into their electronic equipment. When it is not a mild discomfort, though, but extreme jumpiness, defensive behavior, or all-out panic that your partner exhibits when you go near his things, it could indicate that your partner is hiding something.

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Paying Attention To Red Flags

Not Sure If He's Coming On Too Strong? Ask A Relationship Expert - Talk To A Licensed Professional Online The beginning of a relationship is exciting. All too often, people seek out the exciting aspects of a new relationship and fail to acknowledge problems that arise soon after beginning to date, because doing so would mean the loss of the relationship. As tempting as it may be to ignore red flags and hope for the best from you and your relationship, doing so will not improve the unfair treatment you receive, and does you and your partner both a great disservice. Acknowledging red flags can be far less damaging than you might think, and can start with a simple conversation with your partner, describing your concerns, and clarifying any issues you might have. From there, if your partner refuses to acknowledge any inappropriate behavior, or insists that you are to blame for whatever unhealthy behaviors he is exhibiting, it is time to take a step back from the relationship, and center yourself by spending time with people you know, love, and trust, who will give you unwavering support, and constructive criticism, without the cruelty or manipulation involved in many abusive or otherwise controlling relationships.

Seeking Help

If you have found that your partner is exhibiting some of the tell-tale symptoms of an emotional affair, and you feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or fearful at the prospect of broaching the issue with your partner, you can take someone with you to act as kindly distant as possible, and tackle the issue at hand. Sometimes, a simple conversation is all it takes to bring awareness to your partner and his behavior. Sometimes, it is necessary to involve outside parties, including therapists and loved ones. The therapists from ReGain.Us are equipped to tackle issues from all types of backgrounds, including instances of manipulation, abuse, and control. Reaching out for help does not mean that you’ve failed, that you’re weak, or that you’re unlovable; instead, reaching out means that you recognize your situation has gotten out of control and needs more help than you can give yourself. If you are facing or witnessing abuse of any kind, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or Text "START" to 88788. You can also use the online chat.

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“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.” “Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time... She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference for our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor.”

regain.us - Is He Coming On Too Strong? 5 Red Flags You Should Never Ignore

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