Soulmate Gem
Soulmate Gem
Photo: Yasin Aydın
Children are perhaps most likely to develop a trauma bond when exposed to sexual exploitation and targeted grooming. Sometimes, they may never have experienced physical intimacy, and grooming tactics can lead them to believe that their abuser has genuine feelings for them, and that their behaviour is normal.
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Read More »One of the many negative effects of child sexual exploitation is trauma bonding, the deep bond which can develop between a victim and their abuser. A trauma bond can develop for all sorts of reasons and can cause huge damage to a child’s health and well-being. It’s very important foster carers are introduced to trauma bonding, so they understand the effect it can have on children and young people in their care, and what they can do themselves. Here, we look at the definition of trauma bonding, why it happens, common signs and symptoms, and ways to break the cycle of trauma bonding so children are given the best possible chance of long-term recovery.
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Read More »The idea that there is no escape from their abuse often leads the victim to accept their fate and begin to develop a relationship with their abuser. Leading children’s safety charity PACE features lots of guides and resources we’d recommend. According to PACE, trauma bonding happens because of how people deal with dangerous situations. Sometimes, our brains don’t react logically to threats, focusing on short-term survival rather than long-term repercussions. So, when a child is exposed to abuse, their reaction is often to survive rather than escape. This can lead to a cycle where they become passive to their abuse and may begin to see it as normal behaviour. They may also develop feelings of attachment and dependence, which are often the precursors of a trauma bond. While it can be really difficult to understand and accept why a child would develop a bond with their abuser, it’s important to remember that this is not their choice. It is a genuine psychological attachment which can take years to overcome.
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Read More »There’s no one-size-fits-all solution to helping a young person overcome a trauma bond, and the circumstances of the abuse can make family relationships really difficult. Often, children are groomed to believe that members of their family are the real abusers, or that they don’t love or care for them the way their abuser does. This can create a challenging home environment after the abuse has been exposed, but there are things you can do to help your child overcome a trauma bond more quickly. Here are some of the ways to help break the cycle of trauma bonding: Children need to be distanced from their abuser for a long period of time, with no exceptions. This includes face-to-face contact, as well as communication via phone or social media. Keeping a child away from their abuser may require constant monitoring of their smartphone or computer, as well as a curfew on when they’re allowed out; rules which can be difficult to reinforce, but are ultimately in their best interest. You, as the child’s carer, need to be a consistent presence in their life, and you should encourage other family members and their friends to show them attention and support during this time. This will serve to remind them that their abuser was wrong about their family and friends, and that they can depend and rely on others. Show that you trust them to make their own decisions, whilst still monitoring their activity. Even weeks after the event, children may seek to re-bond with their abuser, but you can’t keep them locked up forever. This will reinforce a positive balance to your relationship, and show them that you’re not trying to control them as their abuser would. Dealing with the aftermath of a trauma bond can be incredibly challenging and upsetting. As a foster carer, it’s important to remember you’re not alone – you have the support of your local professional team, and access to excellent ongoing training. We also recommend PACE, NWG, and Thinkuknow for advice on child sexual exploitation and how you can help your child.
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