Soulmate Gem
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Is 10 years a big age gap?

In Western countries, of male-female couples have an age-gap of 10 years or more, rising to 25% in male-male unions and 15% of female-female relationships. For some the gap is even larger – data suggests that around 1% of heterosexual couples in the US have an age difference of 28 years or more.

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A viral chart from 2019 keeps popping up on social media: a graph detailing Leonardo DiCaprio’s dating history. A Reddit user had spotted a trend – although the actor was 44 at the time, he seemingly only dated women aged 25 or younger, always breaking up with partners before they reached their 26th birthday. Responses to the chart were mixed; some commended DiCaprio for his ability to attract younger women, while others berated the veteran actor, begging him to find someone closer to his own age. Even at three years old, the chart continues to resurface, as commentators keep a keen eye on DiCaprio’s current relationship with 24-year-old Camila Morrone. The reactions to the actor’s dating habits embody the contentious views surrounding age-gap relationships – for some, they are a source of admiration, while for others, there is something inherently unsettling about coupling up with a much younger person. From Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, to George and Amal Clooney, high-profile age-gap relationships have always set tongues wagging. Although in 2014 the average age difference in US heterosexual relationships was a relatively small 2.3 years, many couples have a much wider gap. In Western countries, around 8% of male-female couples have an age-gap of 10 years or more, rising to 25% in male-male unions and 15% of female-female relationships. For some the gap is even larger – data suggests that around 1% of heterosexual couples in the US have an age difference of 28 years or more. Our views around age-gap relationships are shaped by thousands of years of evolutionary psychology, and generations of social and cultural norms. Within the last hundred years, economic shifts and increased gender equalities have changed what is considered a ‘normal’ age-gap, and recent social justice movements have increased scrutiny of power dynamics in mixed-age relationships. Couples with large age gaps often face judgement, and while some experts believe that this could be about to change, others argue that young people could be becoming more disapproving of mixed-age love than ever before.

An evolutionary nudge

Those who find DiCaprio’s dating habits distasteful aren’t without good reason. Aversions to age-gap relationships are very common and, like most taboos, they stem from thousands of years of evolution as well as more recent social and cultural cues. “In many cultures, it is not considered acceptable to fall in love with someone who is much older or younger than you,” says Dr Elena Touroni, a consultant psychologist and co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic in London. “From an evolutionary perspective, the drive to have a family can have an impact on who we choose to have a relationship with – both from a biological perspective but also in the sense of both parents being alive to raise the child.”

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Can soulmates be non romantic?

Yes, soul mates can be platonic. A platonic soul mate relationship is a friendship that goes virtually as deep as any friendship can.

Yes, soul mates can be platonic. A platonic soul mate relationship is a friendship that goes virtually as deep as any friendship can. Nuñez explains these friendships won't feel like other "normal" friendships but rather you are friends "at a soul level" and likely shared a profound and instant recognition upon first meeting. And don't underestimate the power these connections can have. According to Richardson, our platonic soul mates can be just as important in our lives as romantic soul mates. "If you think of earthly life as a temporary journey for the soul, as some spiritual people do, you'll want to have interesting, supportive companions for the trip—just like any character in an epic story or legend picks up companions along the way," she adds. It's also very possible (and even likely) that you'll have more than one platonic soul mate throughout your life, and even more than one at the same time. "You can meet new soul mates all throughout your life. They don't have to be a best friend from childhood—it could be someone from work or someone you meet in your 50s," Nuñez says. Richardson also notes that some soul mates come and go, and some are around for the long haul. Regardless of their duration, these connections are a fundamental part of the journey. "Just like the human body needs food and water, the soul requires companion soul mates," she says.

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