How many true loves do we have?

The three loves that she came up with are the following: Lust, Passion, and Commitment. These three loves occur in different parts of the brain and occur independently from each other. For instance, you can be “in lust” with someone but have no perceived commitment to them (e.g., one night stands).

markmanson.net - The Three Loves Theory - Mark Manson

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Love Three: Commitment

If two people remain in passion for long enough, and there is a long-term compatibility where they can continue to share new life experiences together indefinitely, then commitment will arise. Commitment is an unbelievably powerful feeling and occurs rarely in life. Commitment is when the passion of Love Two persists to the point that it’s unconditional. Couples that are in Love Two and not Love Three will often feel great until something happens: he loses his job, she has a miscarriage, he starts drinking, etc. Commitment is when you emotionally accept and love the other person’s flaws as much as their strengths. Scientists have actually shown that for couples who reach that level of commitment, their senses of self actually merge with the other person.6 What researchers have done is observe neural activation patterns in these long-term couples. They found that if you ask a man married for 20 years to think about his wife getting into a car accident, and then ask him to think about himself getting into a car accident, the same “self” spots in his brain will light up, whereas it won’t for anybody else. And it won’t for couples who have not been at the Third Love of commitment for a long period of time. Commitment arises with the idea that the relationship will persist indefinitely. The only way it can end is if one or both parties of a relationship change individually to the point where it becomes harmful for the other person to self-identify with their partner: again, think of the husband who becomes an alcoholic, or the wife who keeps cheating, etc. Sometimes even then, the power of commitment holds on, depending on the individuals. Passion and Lust can disappear well after Commitment arises without affecting the Commitment. In this way, each love is a pre-requisite for the subsequent love to emerge, but once it has, it’s no longer necessary. Lust is needed for passion, but passion can exist later without it. Passion must exist for commitment, but later on, commitment can exist without it. There are timetables for each love, although these are very arbitrary and will vary widely from person to person and couple to couple. But it’s helpful to think about this: Lust is instantaneous and comes and goes constantly, being very easy to retrieve once lost. Passion takes anywhere from a few days to a few weeks to emerge, and usually sticks around for 3-6 months. In highly compatible couples, it will persevere but still require effort and constant communication to maintain beyond a couple years. Commitment arises after anywhere from 1-3 years together and remains for a lifetime unless two people grow apart as individuals, in which case it often takes years to undo itself.

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Are old souls rare?

You're always on the lookout for your kindred spirits. Old souls are rare, which means they don't run into one another every day of the week. As a result, when they do meet, there's a spark of real connection.

prevention.com - 6 Signs You're An Old Soul - Prevention.com

What does it mean when we describe someone as an old soul? As descriptors go, it's more intuitive than precise: No psychologist can diagnose you with an "old soul" condition, and even the most spiritual among us generally mean it metaphorically, rather than literally. It's not necessarily that you've lived past lives (although, of course, that's one interpretation). Rather, it's about being wise beyond your years, able to see the big picture and act with empathy and compassion (here are 3 simple ways to be more empathetic). Sarah (name changed for privacy), a teacher friend, can easily identify kids in her classroom who are old souls: They're the ones who feel things deeply, display extreme compassion and wisdom, or are a touch moodier than their peers. "I feel that a person who has an old soul often has an innate understanding of how the universe works," she says. Life can seem harder for these kids, but Sarah also finds "they often have a deep center that is unflappable no matter what the circumstances are around them." The old souls in her classroom tend to have incredible emotional tools—far beyond what you'd expect for their age. (Looking for more ways to live a happy, healthy life? Order Prevention—and get a FREE Yoga DVD when you subscribe today.) That kind of perspective and calm are rare at any age; if you possess them when you're young, people around you might remark on the apparent discrepancy between your actual and spiritual age. If you've been described as an old soul, the following is probably true of you.

This article was originally published by our partners at RodalesOrganicLife.com.

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