How does a funeral make you feel?

Feelings during the funeral Often funerals can bring up thoughts of other people who have died. It's quite common to find that you are grieving someone you didn't expect to. Sometimes people feel worried or even guilty that they are not focussing on the 'right' feelings or even the right person. But it's very normal.

cruse.org.uk - Feelings at a funeral - Cruse Bereavement Support

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The funeral of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, as well as being a historic occasion, was very emotional for many people. For her close friends and family, it of course had a very personal meaning, with the added complication of happening in front of millions of people. I’m sure many of us watching were thinking of them and the grief they are feeling. But funerals and memorial ceremonies can trigger difficult feelings of grief for anyone who attends or watches, even if you didn’t know the person well, or at all. Lots of people have been surprised by the depth of their feelings following the death of The Queen. There are lots of reasons you might have been affected including the connections and feelings about our own mothers and grandmothers. The funeral is likely to have been a strong reminder of these feelings and past griefs.

Feelings during the funeral

Watching a funeral can be a trigger whether or not you are already feeling sad for the person who died. The rituals and music can be a powerful key to unlock hidden emotions. Whether it’s this funeral or any other, it can be the time when the reality of someone’s death really sinks in. Often funerals can bring up thoughts of other people who have died. It’s quite common to find that you are grieving someone you didn’t expect to. Sometimes people feel worried or even guilty that they are not focussing on the ‘right’ feelings or even the right person. But it’s very normal. Some people can feel guilty for getting more visibly upset than those closest to the person who died. It can feel embarrassing and you might not understand why you feel so upset. Or you could be a close family member and find it annoying someone is crying loudly. Emotions can run high on the day but it’s important to remember they’re not always under someone’s control at such a heightened time.

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Does it get easier after a funeral?

It may not be until after the funeral that you feel the full intensity of your grief. Everyone else may seem to have returned to normal, but your life is forever changed. It will take time to create a “new normal” for yourself. Friends and family sometimes make comments such as: “Life has to go on.

cancercouncil.com.au - After the funeral | Understanding Grief - Cancer Council NSW

The period after the funeral can be challenging. Between the death and the funeral, you may have been surrounded by family and friends, and kept busy making arrangements. It may not be until after the funeral that you feel the full intensity of your grief. Everyone else may seem to have returned to normal, but your life is forever changed. It will take time to create a “new normal” for yourself. Friends and family sometimes make comments such as: “Life has to go on. It’s time to pick yourself up and get on with living.” Such messages may feel like criticism, as if you are being told not to grieve anymore. Often the person making the comments feels uncomfortable themselves about grief or may have particular ideas about the right way to grieve. If you feel like you are being told to rush your grief, try to connect with people who are more understanding. Those who were there alongside you when the person was dying may have particular insight into your experience. You could share this information with them so that they develop a better understanding of grief and how to support you. You can also consider joining an online or face-to-face support group. Talk to the social worker on your palliative care team or at the hospital, or call Cancer Council 13 11 20 to find out what support is available.

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