Soulmate Gem
Photo: Los Muertos Crew
Make sure your partner is into it. ... It bears repeating: Try to be in the moment. ... Let your lips linger—even for shorter kisses. ... If everyone is down with tongue, introduce it slowly. ... Build your way up to sharing more saliva. ... Don't neglect other body parts. ... If you're going to bite, be gentle. More items... •
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Read More »Kissing is a form of communication—a body language if you will—but how to kiss someone, even if you’ve been making out for years, isn’t always clear. (Not to mention the fact that the last couple of years have left many of us wondering if it’s even okay to kiss someone new.) That’s because context—the who, where, why, and when of it all—matters. One person’s fantasy kiss might be another’s cringiest nightmare. “To be fair, kissing is weird,” Brooklyn-based psychotherapist Chamin Ajjan, a licensed clinical social worker, cognitive behavioral therapist, certified sex therapist and author of Seeking Soulmate: Ditch The Dating Game and Find Real Connection, tells SELF. “There’s no clear explanation of how or why kissing started, why we stick our mouths together, and why that’s desirable.” Strange as it may be, kissing can also be freakin’ fantastic, and you can up your odds of making it so by trying your best to stay in the moment, according to Ajjan. “Often we’re thinking, ‘Am I doing this right? Are they enjoying it? Does my breath stink?,’” she says. (Or, if you’re in a long-term relationship, you may be wondering if you forgot to take the whites out of the dryer or debating whether to add bananas to your online shopping cart.) “But if you’re able to shift focus to your partner, kissing becomes a mindful activity where you’re tuning into your senses and theirs, which can make the moment more fun and satisfying,” Ajjan says. According to a 2021 study of 878 people in long-term heterosexual relationships published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, how satisfied you are with your partnership may depend not only on how much you love the other person, but how much you’re, you guessed it, kissing them. Specifically, researchers found that couples who kissed less frequently reported lower sexual and overall relationship satisfaction. With that in mind, we asked Ajjan—as well as everyday people who have done their fair share of kissing—what they think makes a kiss really, really good.
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