How do you know if a guy has feelings for you but is scared?
He Stares Then He Looks Away In any case, increased visual attention is a clear sign that he has feelings for and is very attracted to you. The fact that he's looking away is an indicator that the feeling is overwhelming to him, it may be a case where he's afraid of rejection or he's afraid of how you feel.
While the best relationships are forged on the foundations of trust and communication, there is no such thing as flawless communication. People are complex, and when we try to understand those we care about, we are often confronted with the challenge of interpreting contradicting signals. We may often ask ourselves, “why does she act so present in one moment but so distant a minute later?” or “how come he always commits to plans, but then cancels them at the last moment?” Frequently, those questions will eventually lead to us wondering, “does this person actually like me?”
Problems like these can arise from any kind of relationship, from romantic to casual to professional. And navigating these questions can force us into a guessing game about the inner motivations of others, sometimes leading us to believe that they are hiding their true feelings.
Dealing with mixed signals tests our ability to empathize with the people in our lives. Is the confusion due to our friend or partner’s lack of self-awareness causing them to send mixed signals unintentionally? Are they trying to hide their feelings because they’re scared or ashamed? Or perhaps they genuinely don’t know their feelings and are struggling with their own internal conflict? Dealing with these doubts will require us to consider why it can be so hard to read people in the first place. Then, using that understanding, we can find strategies for cutting through the emotional fog created by mixed signals.
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Signs A Guy Has Fallen In Love But He's Scared
How do men fall in love? Are there sure signs a man is interested in you? Can a man fall deeply in love but not show it? If a man is falling for you, why would they act like they’re not? It can be frustrating having feelings for someone you're dating but not being sure if they reciprocate those feelings. There are no concrete or undeniable signs to guarantee to someone is falling in love with you. Still, not knowing can be stressful and cause a lot of anguish and sleepless nights. You may find yourself caught up in your thoughts, trying to untangle the truth about a man falling for you or not. You might begin to agonize over whether or not you notice some signs that your love interest is catching feelings.
Of course, people fall for each other in different ways and every man is different in their unique ways, but there are a few questions that may suggest how he's feeling: is he afraid of rejection, is he afraid of commitment, is he into you? Looking at the following signs, perhaps a man is falling for you or he's even falling in love but is scared to admit it. Thinking about all the signs may help you gauge where your relationship is headed.
He Is Hesitant
Before we discuss the common signs that a man may display when he has conflicted feelings, let's talk about the potential reasons behind this ambivalence. Research supports the theory that love and fears can become connected when we go through negative experiences. While you may not have that much information about your guy's dating history, whatever you do know may give you insight into why he would be hesitant to embrace his romantic feelings. He may be afraid or reserved, or he just might not know the next move to make.
He Is Afraid of Rejection
Signs a man is falling for you but is fearful about committing may have to do with his history. Maybe he's been hurt by a past relationship and is afraid of rejection. Men, just like women, can feel very vulnerable when it comes to loving someone, especially if their heart has been broken in the past, it may make them afraid of the future. Unless you're the first person he's been involved with; he's likely had difficult experiences involving rejection and heartache, he fears this will happen again. Maybe he likes you but doesn't want to show signs he's catching feelings for you.
He Went Through A Break-Up
If he's been through a significant break-up or divorce, he may be guarding his heart carefully from experiencing the same pain and not be ready to fall in love. This can be completely normal; it is just his past making him afraid of what is next to come. No matter how much you care about him, you can't force him to rush into things. This kind of attitude will usually only push him away. It can be best to give him space and be understanding as he copes with his fears of what is to come.
How To Know He Has Feelings
Are there signs a man has romantic feelings for you? To get an insight into how your guy feels, observe his behavior without confronting him on what they mean, which may put him on the defensive. There may be signs a guy loves you or he's interested in you but is afraid of rejection. The following patterns generally occur due to intensely conflicting feelings, a clash between how much he cares about you and want to run away from the intensity of the relationship, so he doesn't end up getting hurt, he may be afraid of rejection. Be on the lookout for the following signs that may clue you into how he feels.
He Stares Then He Looks Away
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Signs a man is interested in you or even falling in love with you can including making eye contact and then looking away. You may see him staring at you from across the room or notice that he's holding eye contact longer than he did before, but then he averts his gaze when he realizes you're on to him. In any case, increased visual attention is a clear sign that he has feelings for and is very attracted to you. The fact that he's looking away is an indicator that the feeling is overwhelming to him, it may be a case where he's afraid of rejection or he's afraid of how you feel.
The particular way he looks at you can also give you insight into how he feels and if he likes you. There's a different vibe to how he'll look at you when it comes from a place of love, versus a place of attraction. Signs a man may be falling for you can include a softness in his eyes, a longing that's on a deeper level than lust, which is yet another of the signs he caught feelings. Sustained eye contact can be a form of intimacy.
He Is Eager Then He Is Distant
Signs a man is interested in a relationship with can include showing his interest but then pulling back. This is one of the clearest signs he caught feelings but is scared of getting closer. See if you recognize this pattern: He's acting interested and initiates a few dates in a row. Everything goes well, and you feel good about the relationship. Suddenly, his level of communication plummets, and he's busier than normal. Maybe he's not returning your messages like he did before or avoids your phone calls. If the distance continued to grow, you would probably assume that he's losing interest or lost interest. However, just when you begin to make the distance of your own, he contacts you, and the cycle begins anew.
This common pattern can be a telltale sign of a man who is scared to commit. He may be afraid of rejection. He may feel insecure. His emotional fragility may be part of the issue, even if he doesn’t show it. When you notice him pulling away, you might try to give him space. Sometimes chasing after him can encourage him to start running. Instead, even if it's difficult, focus on your own life and keep busy. You’re well-being is important. It’s possible that the more space he's given and the more independent he sees you, the more likely he will feel comfortable getting closer on his own time. You can stop looking out for signs he's catching feelings and let him come to a decision about you and whether or not he's afraid of rejection. And if he does show a good sign that he’s ready for more, you can then consider whether you’re truly ready for more with him, too. Remember that it’s possible for one partner to fall in love earlier than another.
Need Guidance On How To Navigate And Deal With Mixed Signals? Gain Some Clarity - Get Started With BetterHelp
The Psychology Of Mixed Signals
In a perfect world, everyone would effortlessly express their feelings to friends and loved ones, removing any possibility of miscommunication or faulty interpretation. But in reality, people often struggle to communicate their feelings accurately or to interpret other people's intentions. Humans are essentially hardwired to read surface-level signals and use them to judge others’ thoughts and feelings. We rely on subtle cues like facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice to intuit the emotions and motives behind people’s words and actions—but we are rarely as good at that as we might like to think.
In his book Thinking Fast and Slow, psychologist Daniel Kahneman identifies two systems for interacting with the world, which he calls System 1 and System 2. System 1 is fast, intuitive, effortless, and effective at making snap judgments. In some cases, System 1’s ability to “judge a book by its cover” can be helpful. In others situations, it can be prone to mistakes. System 2 is more logical and deliberative, allowing us to look at the bigger picture to reach conclusions. By nature, System 2 is a much slower form of thinking, requiring time and effort to process information from multiple angles.
The interpretation of mixed signals tends to be a battle between Systems 1 and 2. Problems can arise when our intellect holds one perception about someone, but our intuition reads the opposite. Realistically, we can never comprehend every possible interpretation of other people’s actions. That means people tend to weigh System 1’s intuitive but accident-prone thinking much more than we might intend to.
Ask Direct Questions
So, keeping in mind that our understanding of other people’s intentions is often flawed, it’s important to extend some empathy to the people we receive mixed signals from. Communication is a two-way street, after all. We should ensure we’re doing our best to charitably interpret other people’s actions before assuming the worst.
On the flip side, the person giving you mixed signals may think they are being completely clear about their feelings. In this case, they are actually falling victim to what psychologists have dubbed the “Illusion of Transparency”. This psychological illusion is created by the belief that other people can see our intentions as clearly as we can, even though that is often not the case.
In those cases, dealing with mixed signals can sometimes be as simple as asking a straightforward question. Try to use “I” statements, which are less likely to be confrontational, such as “I don’t get what you meant by _____” If there was some kind of miscommunication, then there is really no easier way to clear things up than to address it directly. Remember that the goal here is not to make an accusation but to allow the other person to give further context for their words or actions.
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Of course, mixed signals cannot always be written off as a case of simple miscommunication. Still, it’s often worth putting your confusion into words before moving on to other options.
Be Open About How You Are Feeling
It’s rarely easy to be emotionally vulnerable. Admitting that someone has hurt your feelings can sometimes be like exposing an open wound you’d rather keep under wraps. Still, dealing with mixed messages can sometimes require letting someone know how you are feeling, especially since you are struggling to understand their feelings. By being open about your feelings, you are advocating for yourself in your relationship. And at the end of the day, you can only control your own actions, not the actions of others.
So tell whoever it is—regardless of whether they’re your friend, romantic partner, families, or coworker—how dealing with their mixed signals affects you emotionally. Doing so gives them a chance to reciprocate that vulnerability with you. Perhaps they’ve been having a bad day, week, or month. Maybe they were misreading some of the signals you were giving off. The important thing is that your willingness to open up about your feelings creates room for a genuine dialogue.
Know When It’s Time To Take A Step Back From A Relationship
This should only be considered as a last resort after other attempts to deal with mixed signals have failed to yield productive results. Still, it’s important to recognize when a relationship has reached a point where it can’t, or shouldn’t, be salvaged. Dealing with someone’s mixed signals can take a lot of mental and emotional work, but sometimes the other person will feel unable or unwilling to communicate clearly with you. When it’s clear that’s the case, it may be time to take a step back from the relationship.
Please remember that stepping back from a relationship does not always mean ending that relationship. Sometimes, it may just mean you find ways to be less emotionally invested in that person. Sometimes taking a break from interacting with someone who’s been affecting your mental health can provide you with some clarity about confusing behaviors. And yes, if the situation requires it, it may mean deciding to go separate ways.
Of course, this can feel like a big decision, and it may be tough to make on your own. If you’re struggling to deal with someone’s mixed signals, consulting a therapist for advice may be helpful.
How Therapy Can Help You Deal With Mixed Signals
Getting mixed signals from a partner, friend, or colleague can make us doubt our own judgment. They can destabilize our opinion of that person and make us question whether we’re reading too much into the subtext of their words and actions. This self-doubt may make it difficult to feel like we are capable of acting “correctly” around others and, in the long term, may begin to damage the relationship.
One of the many benefits of talking to a therapist about those feelings is that they can provide an objective and professional point of view and give advice on how best to address those problems with your partner.
Research has shown that online therapy is effective for working through complicated relationship problems—for example, in the realm of couples therapy. But even if the person you are having a hard time with isn’t part of the therapeutic process, online therapy might be the answer if you’re having difficulty choosing the best way to deal with relationships.
Takeaway
Dealing with mixed signals can be a difficult and emotionally draining process. When faced with contradicting words and actions, it’s often best to take charge by being as direct as possible to cut through the confusion. By asking clear questions, being honest about your feelings, being smart about when to take a step back from a relationship, and talking to a therapist for advice, you can find an outcome that will work for you.
Other Commonly Asked Questions
How does a man act when he's falling in love?
What are the first signs of falling in love?
How long does it take a man to fall in love?
How do you know if he's in love?
What triggers emotional attraction in a man?
How do you know if a guy has strong feelings for you?
What makes a man fall deeply in love with a woman?
Soulmate Gem
Photo: Tima Miroshnichenko
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