Soulmate Gem
Soulmate Gem
Photo: cottonbro studio
4 signs you should be friends with someone They express positive interest without going all in immediately. ... They share your most important values. ... You enjoy your time together. ... They respect you.
Prolonged eye contact has been thought to release phenylethylamine, a chemical responsible for feelings of attraction. It has also been thought to...
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If she's watching you or looks at you and then quickly looks away when she spots that you've seen her, she's interested. These little glances mean...
Read More »We’ve already talked about how to know it’s time for a friend break-up, but how do you know that someone would make a good friend? Here are four “green flags” that suggest you might want to keep someone in your life. They express positive interest without going all in immediately. If you come from a childhood where a caregiver didn’t have strong boundaries, you may gravitate toward relationships that go really deep really quickly. That’s totally expected, but it can lead you to friendships that aren’t healthy for you. On the other hand, if you come from a childhood where a caregiver was harsh or critical of you, or if they didn’t offer positive feedback often enough, you may find yourself in relationships with people who don’t show interest in you. That can be tough and painful, because you can end up chasing someone who doesn’t want to be a part of your life. So if you have either the tendency to go too deep too quickly or the tendency to seek people who aren’t into you, it can help to notice whenever you’re sharing your life story immediately (or when you’re gravitating toward someone who’s sharing their life story immediately) or whenever you’re chasing someone who isn’t interested in you. Just noticing those tendencies can make a huge difference, and puts you in a position where you can shift your behavior if you’d like. Fortunately, you don’t need to be drawn to the healthy thing in order to do the healthy thing. If you resonate with either tendency, you might find positive but moderately-paced interactions unappealing. I’d encourage you to experiment with investing time in friendships that feel positive and that go into intimacy slowly, even if it feels a little odd, and even if it doesn’t seem to have the irresistible magnetism of other friendships you may have. You might find that in the long term, that slow-but-steady and affirming friendship feels like a more wholesome fit for you. They share your most important values. You don’t need to have everything in common, but friendships can get complicated and can hurt you quite a bit if you don’t agree on the basics of what matters most in life. For example, if you’re a recovering perfectionist, having a friend who’s focused on achievement might make your growth a lot more difficult. While that may not be a deal-breaker for you, it’s definitely something worth considering.
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More specifically, in a 2012 review of the love research literature Lisa Diamond and Janna Dickenson, psychologists at the University of Utah,...
Read More »Again, you don’t need to agree perfectly on all of your values. For example, if you value independence and your friend values community, those can definitely be compatible in a friendship. But if a potential friend already agrees with you on your non-negotiable values, that’s a great start. In fact, if you want to take a few moments now to jot down some of your own non-negotiable values that you want to make sure the people in your life have, then you’ll be able to use that as a guide as you decide who you want to invest your limited time in. You enjoy your time together. Even if someone seems like a great friend on paper, if you spend all your time together feeling badly or feeling bored, that’s probably not a friendship that’s going to work well in the long run. That said, expect some interactions to not go “perfectly.” Misunderstandings are going to happen. You may have awkward silences from time to time. You may not entirely agree with everything they say. But as long as you have a generally nice or positive time with this potential friend, that’s a promising sign that you may want to keep them in your life. If you’re not used to healthy friendships, as I mentioned briefly in #1, you might not feel the same irresistibility in a healthy friendship that you might feel in your other, perhaps less healthy friendships. That’s actually sometimes a good sign! That slow burn is often what burns the longest and the most satisfyingly.
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