Soulmate Gem
Soulmate Gem
Photo: Alex Green
People with high levels of narcissistic admiration experienced less anxiety and sadness after a breakup and maintained positive perceptions of their exes. They were also more likely to initiate a breakup and attribute it to their lack of interest in their ex.
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Read More »Romantic breakups can be hard on anyone, but our reactions to breakups can vary quite a bit. If we're on the initiating end of the breakup, we're likely to get over it more quickly than if we're on the receiving end. And people can experience a variety of negative emotions, from anger to even grief-like sadness. But do narcissistic people respond to breakups differently than those who are less narcissistic? Being more focused on themselves, perhaps they will think "good riddance" and not react much to the end of a troubled partnership. On the other hand, research shows that narcissists are especially likely to blame another person for a mutually caused failure and respond to social rejection with outsized anger and aggression. Narcissists also tend to see themselves as superior to other people, including their romantic partners. All of this suggests they may not take breakups that well. Breakups involve a mutual failure, potential rejection, and even more of a reason to perceive one's partner negatively. In a study published in Personality and Individual Differences, my student, Brooke Schlott, and I explored these questions. One theoretical perspective has been especially useful in helping researchers understand how narcissists behave in their relationships: The Narcissistic Admiration and Rivalry Concept. According to this theory, narcissists have two separate strategies they can use to maintain their grandiose self-perceptions. They can boost themselves up, or they can bring other people down. Narcissistic admiration is the tendency to boost themselves. It involves showing off and behaving charmingly to gain the admiration of others. Narcissistic rivalry, on the other hand, is the tendency to put others down. It is a more hostile and defensive aspect of narcissism that involves denigrating other people. While narcissistic admiration and rivalry tend to be correlated with each other, narcissistic individuals vary in the extent to which they are high in both of these dimensions. And in fact, narcissistic admiration is often associated with having better interactions in relationships, while narcissistic rivalry is associated with poorer interactions. It is also important to note that most of this research examines narcissistic traits within the normal population, not individuals diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder.
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Read More »In addition to asking participants about their emotional experiences after the breakup, we also asked them to rate how many desirable traits, such as intelligence, physical attractiveness, and kindness, described their ex. We found that those high in narcissistic admiration had particularly positive views of their ex-partners. Other research has also shown that they perceive their current partners positively, so it seems that these positive perceptions don't fade after the relationship is over. Those in narcissistic rivalry, on the other hand, tended to view their ex-partners especially negatively.
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