Do kids have crushes on adults?

Childhood crushes on grown-ups can be a healthy, normal part of a child's school-age years. Crushes on adults are "natural in terms of it happening frequently," said Leslie Paige, a nationally recognized school psychologist in Hayes, Kan.

orlandosentinel.com - IT'S NORMAL FOR KIDS TO HAVE CRUSHES ON ADULTS, EXPERTS ...

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Do you really know who the “One” is? Your true Soulmate?

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Chemistry. Fate. Kismet. Call it what you will. Whatever it was, Jonathan Knudsen could sense the air was thick with it the moment he padded into the room and laid goo-goo eyes on her. A tall, slender mademoiselle, auburn hair free-falling down her back, stood a few scant feet before him, filling every centimeter of his widening sapphire eyes. Jonathan was smitten. If only he could approach her. Extract her name. Propose. With his blond locks, twinkling baby blues and a Cheshire cat grin born to charm the ladies, he figured it best to dispense with dating and all of its games of chance and come to the point: "I want to marry you."

Caught off guard, Tara Maizel smiled,

squeezed him some affection and helped him to his seat in his preschool class at the Jewish Community Center in Maitland. It's a sitcom standby: Kid's grades dip when comely teacher makes his heart skip a beat. Childhood crushes on grown-ups can be a healthy, normal part of a child's school-age years. Crushes on adults are "natural in terms of it happening frequently," said Leslie Paige, a nationally recognized school psychologist in Hayes, Kan. "Kids start off idolizing their parents, then sometime in (puberty) they will turn off to Mom and Dad and then turn to someone else, often an older person to idolize." Jonathan may be a tad precocious. Romantic crushes are more closely associated with adolescence, said Lisa Early, director of the Arnold Palmer Center for Children and Families in Orlando. There is no research to confirm this, but experts wager that more boys than girls develop crushes because female teachers outnumber their male counterparts. Crushes often sprout from a child's attraction to authority, she said. Kids, like grown-ups, look up to people in authority, and a crush may develop "especially when that person possesses other attributes that the child thinks are important."

Enter the hunky science teacher.

Smitten students often hoist the object of their affection onto a pedestal as "some sort of ideal," said Kathleen Leighton, a Pinellas County school psychologist. "They respect an ideal that is not attainable." Although these crushes usually lack a romantic or sexual component, they often come with bits and pieces of the same feelings and emotions adults experience - although the child may be unable to put those emotions into words.

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Ask Jonathan.

Miss Maizel is pretty, he'll admit. But if you ask him why does he loves her and wants to marry her, he draws a blank: "I dunno," offered the 4-year-old. Experts say feelings associated with crushes can include: Constant thoughts about the other person; idealizing her, talking about her, being delighted when she's paying attention and floored when she's not. Crushes are a sure-fire sign that a child is exploring the ways and means of relationships. As novices in the area of amour, they draw on their role models - the adults around them and the images gleaned from TV and other media. "A lot of early puberty is practicing," said Paige, recently honored as co-school psychologist of the year by the National Association of School Psychologists. "They try on characters and personalities every day. One of the major goals of adolescence is learning who they are and what they're going to be as adults. Crushes are a part of that." That explains Jonathan's machine-gun "I love you's" he fires constantly at Maizel. He parrots the words, but doesn't understand the complexities behind the phrase. At his age, affection for a teacher can be a good thing, Maizel said, noting infatuated tykes tend to "listen to you, respect you more and more willing to do what you ask of them." Experts stress that most childhood crushes on grown-ups as are innocent as the vibe Jonathan has for Maizel. In some cases, however, something more unseemly may be hiding beneath the innocent veneer. That was the case in the highly publicized 1995 incident involving Glenn Harris, a New York City gym teacher who skipped town with his 15-year-old student, Christina Rosado. Children, like grown-ups, become fond of people with whom they share lots of time, such as teachers, coaches or counselors. In some cases, troubled teens develop crushes on adults who provide them counsel, comfort, compassion. Trouble brews when the adult has a hidden agenda. "It could be somebody with their own problems who is willing to cross barriers," Early said. "That child is putting their full trust in an adult, and if the adult is not trustworthy the child could get into trouble."

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Most teachers today are anxious to avoid even the hint of impropriety.

Maizel had to reign in the touchy-feely approach she employs with her preschoolers when she briefly taught middle and high school students before joining the Jewish Community Center last year. "It's a very upsetting thing how the world has changed as compared to back in the old days," she said. "You have to walk on that fine line, and what is that fine line?" Again, these sorts of situations are rare. Most crushes are as innocent and cute as parents remember from their experiences.

Which brings us back to Jonathan.

He's got it bad. He often brings lunch to his sweetie. Rescues slivers of pie from holiday feasts for her. Shares everything with her. It didn't take him long to inform his parents, James, 40, a free-lance television producer, and Karen, a homemaker, of his romance. "After the first week of school he was sitting in a chair thinking," said Karen, 34. "I asked him what he was thinking about. He said he really wanted to marry Miss Maizel, but he was not sure she'd wait until he grows up." Jonathan doesn't disguise his affection at school either. It's as clear as Perrier each day during story time. As soon as Maizel selects a book, Dr. Seuss perhaps, he races full steam ahead, slides onto his carpet mat cross-legged directly in her gaze, his face swallowed by the smile splashing coast to coast.

Best seat in the house.

Out of earshot of her rugrat Romeo, Maizel let her guard down: "I wish he was a little bit older."

orlandosentinel.com - IT'S NORMAL FOR KIDS TO HAVE CRUSHES ON ADULTS, EXPERTS ...

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