One way to distinguish between love and infatuation is whether your feelings are based on idealization or rooted in reality. If you are attracted to someone based on your fantasies or hopes for who they are instead of who they truly are, you are likely experiencing infatuation.
Love is one of the most beautiful feelings in the entire universe. It can make you feel like you're on top of the world. Love makes you produce hormones that make you feel euphoric. When you first meet someone you're attracted to, it's one of the best feelings human beings can experience, but there's a difference between attraction and falling deeply in love with someone. Initially, you might be aesthetically or sexually attracted to someone. Then you discover you aren't necessarily in love with them. You may find them extremely physically attractive, but you aren't connected to them on a deeper level. In this article, we will explore the signs of infatuation vs. genuine attraction to another person.
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Attraction Vs. Infatuation
Initially, when you meet someone, you may find yourself incredibly attracted to them. It could be their mannerisms, their appearance, their laugh, or the way that they speak that draws you to them. They might tell you something about themselves or their interests that entices you to want to get to know them better, or it could be that there's just something about them that you're drawn to intuitively, but you can't put your finger on what it is. When you first met a person and attracted them, you want to get to know them better.
On the other hand, there's physical lust. You're infatuated with how a person looks, or you want to be with them sexually, and that attraction doesn't necessarily have to do with who they are as human beings. That's the reason that someone might hook up with a person but not choose to be in a relationship with that individual. They're sexually attracted to someone and infatuated with the idea of the person. There's a difference between who you think someone is as opposed to who they are in reality. As long as both parties consent to a hook-up dynamic, there's nothing wrong with it, but it differs from the desire for a committed relationship with a person. So, the question is, do you like this guy, or are you preoccupied with the idea of him?
Liking Someone Vs. Finding Them Attractive
Sometimes, it can be difficult to tease out whether you find someone attractive or if you're into who they are inside. You could think a guy is cute, and based on how adorable he is, you ignore the giant red flags about him, so one question you need to ask yourself is, "Why do I like this person? Why am I attracted to them? Do I like him or the attention?" Is it something about his personality, or is it just the way that he looks? Is it his smile, or is it his compassion for others and the deep conversations you have? Now, it's essential to get real with yourself. Remember that just because a person is good-looking, it doesn't mean that they're a good person or someone you want to integrate into your life. It sounds intuitive, but it doesn't necessarily work that way because our bodies and minds can trick us into hormones and aesthetic attraction. Here are some questions that you can ask yourself to see if you love this person or are genuinely attracted to them as an entire being.
Do They Make You Laugh?
Someone that makes you laugh is tapping into something that's genuine inside of you. They get you on a fundamental level. There's nothing like laughing hysterically with someone that gets you.
When You Think About Him, Does Your Heart Skip A Beat?
This one can go either way. When you think about this special guy, do you get butterflies in your stomach? Does your heart skip a beat? Do you feel excited about who he is with a person and want to spend time with him? Not just sexually, but do things with him that you enjoy. You want to be able to have fun with each other, not just by hooking up, but by spending quality time together.
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You want to be able to be you when you're around your guy. If you feel the need to be someone that you're not or find yourself constantly trying to impress him, this is not the dude for you. That means that you're not your genuine self with him, and anyone that loves you should love you for who you are, not the idea of you, not who you're trying to be, but who you are as a whole person. Love isn't something that you need to put on a face for. You should be able to be yourself when you're around a guy that you like because if he doesn't like you for you, this is not a relationship you want to invest in. You need to be comfortable with the person you're with, and he needs to appreciate you for who you are just as you appreciate him for who he is. That is not just important; it's vital for a relationship.
What Do You Know About This Guy?
Think about what you know about this person and what your vision of him is. If you think he's cute, that's one thing, but what do you know about who he is on the inside? Do you know what he's passionate about or what he does for work? Have you met his friends? You could be lonely and wanting to assign romantic value to someone who you don't truly feel that way about, so be careful. It's essential to take inventory and think, "do I like the idea of this person, or do I like who they are in reality?"
How Long Have You Been Had A Crush On Him, And How Long Have You Known Him?
Maybe you're friends with this guy, and you developed feelings for him after being friends with him for a long time. Alternatively, this could be a new connection, and you're excited about it. If this is the case, remember that it'll go out quickly if you burn the candle at both ends. Take your time getting to know him before rushing into milestones such as moving in together or even getting married. You want to truly get to know this person inside and out before making a sustained commitment to them. What are they like in stressful situations? What are they like when they're sad? People often take time to unleash their authentic inner selves, and that's something that you want to see before doing anything that ties you to this person long-term, such as signing a lease or buying a house.
What Do Your Friends Have To Say About Him?
It's important to go with your gut intuition on a person, and ultimately, you're the one dating this person, so what other people think doesn't matter. That said, it can be helpful to get opinions about this guy from those who are close to you because you aren't objective in this situation. You have a crush on him, or you're seeing him. You see the positive aspects of him. Your friends know you, and if they're good friends, they have your best interest in mind, so they can look at this guy from an objective perspective rather than the subjective perspective you have as someone who's invested in this relationship. Sometimes, your friends might pick up on red flags that you're trying to ignore because of how into this guy you are. If he mistreats your friends and family or actively tries to distance you from them, that's a warning sign that you want to acknowledge. For many people, close friends are chosen family, and their perspective matters.
How many efforts Are You Putting Into This Connection?
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You want to make sure that you stay away from being codependent on someone. Remember, your feelings and your reality matter more than anything. Relationships are lovely, but you need to foster a sense of independence in yourself before entering any relationship. Don't spend so much time exerting effort into a relationship that you neglect your wellbeing. A relationship should add value to your life. Still, it shouldn't be the thing that holds your life up because if your relationship consumes your life, you'll be disappointed when it doesn't solve all of your problems, which a relationship never will. If you find yourself obsessed with your relationship to a point where you're losing your sense of self, or if you haven't found your sense of self yet and seek it out in a romantic connection, take inventory of that and work on establishing independence first.
Is It His Looks Or His Personality?
We've gone over this in this article already, but it's a vital consideration. You might think that someone is cute, but do you like him, or are you infatuated by his looks alone? It's essential to get real with yourself about this.
True Love
Not Sure About Your Feelings? We Understand - Discuss How You're Feeling With A Licensed Relationship Counselor
To be in love with someone, you have to get to know them inside and out, which means spending quality time together. When you spend quality time with a person, you get to know them on an intimate level. Getting to know him on an intimate level means caring about what he cares about because it's important to him, just as you want him to care about what you care about because it's important to you. True love is based upon caring about the other person on a deep, intrinsic level and getting to know them in ways that you can't see on the surface. That's the difference between infatuation vs love. When you love someone, you want them to be happy; you consider their emotions and excitedly embrace who someone is inside.
Learning About Infatuation And Love In Online Counseling
Online counseling is an excellent place to explore relationships and love. If you're interested in learning more about yourself or working on your relationship, check out the counselors at Regain. At ReGain, licensed online therapists work with individuals and couples. You and your partner can work on communication and relationship issues in online therapy. Whatever the case may be, learning about how you feel in your relationship or about a potential partner can only help you in your life.
"My experience with Priscilla has been immensely helpful in better understanding myself and providing me with the tools to see my life and relationships with more clarity and compassion."
“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”
Soulmate Gem
Photo: Milan Djordjević
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