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glamour.com - How Long Does It Take To Fall In Love? Let's Look At The Evidence.

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How long does it take to fall in love?

Prince Harry fell in love with Meghan Markle “So incredibly quickly,” as he tells it. But both Kate Middleton and Prince William have said that getting to know each other over a long period, just as friends, was key to their love. Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher met as teenagers on the set of That 70s Show, but didn’t start dating for 14 years. (“One day, it just changed,” she says.) Michelle and Barack Obama had the opposite experience—she says she fell in love while watching him work as a community organizer. My parents met at 19 and have been happily married for almost 36 years. “I knew really early,” my mom says. My dad laughs when I ask how long it took him to know he was in love. “Four years,” he says.

Every blockbuster, every insurance ad, every wise older person, every book series about teen wizards, tells you that love is the thing that makes life worth living. We wax poetic about the signs you’re falling in love but the moment you declare that you are in fact in it, people doubt you. Maybe you’re unsure yourself. As soon as you feel comfortable enough to start acting unbearably happy, concerned friends swoop in with questions. “Are you sure it’s love, not lust?” “You don’t really love her, you just think you love her.” “You don’t even know him.” “It’s too soon.” Well, how soon is too soon? When do most people know?

Forget, for a moment, love at first sight. Love at first sight, if you believe in it, takes a millisecond. Case closed! But how long does it take to fall in love for regular people, people for whom love is not like a fairytale but a Trader Joe’s line—interminable nothingness, and then all of a sudden you’re at the chocolate bars and ginger chews, and life is happening? How long does love take, when it begins not with fireworks but with friendship, or with a smattering of awkward dates, or with sex where no one orgasms? How long does love take when it’s just two people meeting up on occasion to touch and talk and see if something grows?

The first spark

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Empirical evidence isn’t conclusive. Love is, after all, hard to measure and track—it’s somewhere between a chemical process, a social construct, and some unknowable sacred thing, like a piece of God or like a poem. But that hasn’t stopped scientists and psychologists from trying to determine the average time it takes for people to fall in love. A 2010 review of fMRI studies found that the exact cerebral networks associated with “passionate love” can activate within one-fifth of a second of people meeting. That’s not the same as being in love, but it’s a vital initial spark. In 2006, Princeton researchers found that subjects judged attractiveness within a tenth of a second. That’s also not love either, but several studies have found that you are more likely to fall in love quickly if you value a partner who is physically attractive. It’s also been repeatedly found that women who have stronger sex drives fall in love more often (the same thing is not true for men who have stronger sex drives.)

When are other people saying it?

A 2018 eHarmony survey of 2,000 people in England found that the average time a respondent took to say “I love you” in a relationship was close to four months. Men under 35 were the fastest to say I love you—one in five said it in under a week. In 2016, Match reported findings that the average person surveyed says “I love you” after around 144 days, or about 4.5 months.

glamour.com - How Long Does It Take To Fall In Love? Let's Look At The Evidence.

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