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Do friendships last 7 years?

What he discovered was that only about 30 percent of our closest friends remain tried and true after seven years, and 48 percent remain in our immediate social network (meaning we actually talk to or hang out with them on occasion).

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Jessica Saggio

FLORIDA TODAY

A lot can change in seven years.

It takes seven years to restore bad credit. Seven years to finally digest that piece of Juicy Fruit you swallowed, and seven years to grow a new set of skin cells (OK thanks, Google, for this last one, because I had no idea that was even a thing). But would you believe me if I told you that every seven years we go through a pretty profound change? Not only are you likely in a very different place in your life, but a study shows that there's a good chance you've replaced half of your closest friends with new ones. Gerald Mollenhorst, an assistant professor at Utrecht University in the Netherlands, says it's science. Mollenhurst released a study that showed results from a pretty in-depth project that questioned more than 1,000 people between the ages of 18 and 65. He asked them questions such as, "Who do you talk to about personal issues? And, where did you meet that person? Then seven years later, Mollenhurst's research team reconnected with more than 600 of those subjects and asked the same questions. What he discovered was that only about 30 percent of our closest friends remain tried and true after seven years, and 48 percent remain in our immediate social network (meaning we actually talk to or hang out with them on occasion). However, the size of our network remains the same, which means out with the old and in with the new. When I think back seven years, I have to admit it seems legit. Seven years ago, I was in a sorority with 150 of my closest friends (insert "haha, she paid for her friends" joke here). In that sorority, I was pretty close friends with somewhere between 15 and 20 of those women. Today, I'm still considerably close with five of them. When I say close, I characterize that on the tier that they are someone I would share relatively personal information with freely. I don't necessarily see them often, as they are spread across the country. Then, of course, there are those I developed relationships with post-college, some of which come and go like the wind. It's more than safe to say that I have replaced at least half of the friends I had seven years ago. But I didn't do that intentionally. It just happens naturally and those people are still special to me. People move away, people disconnect, people mature, people move on to different stages in their lives. For me, I got married and had a kid. Whether I like it or not, that changes things. Big time. To be frank, I got a nice look at who my real friends were when I got pregnant. Fun Jessica wasn't able to bar hop or host the same kind of parties anymore. Instead, Mom Jessica stepped in and had to, you know, not let her baby get fetal alcohol syndrome. People dropped off the face of the planet like there was an impending apocalypse. I'm not bitter about that at all.

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Although I'll openly admit I know very little about adulting, I have learned this — the advice my mother gave me as a little girl is so true. She always said that if you could count your real friends on one hand, you were doing pretty dang good. The older I get, the more I realize that friendship isn't something that gets better with age. In fact, I think it actually gets remarkably harder; not only in the sense of keeping up established friendships, but forming new ones. And making mom friends? Woah. That's worthy of an entire column in itself. I often feel down when I think about this subject because I've had a lot of friend turnover in the past few years. Some have moved away and some have just faded away, and that's a really hard pill to swallow. You start to question if you have an appalling personality, if you offended them in some way, if you didn't put in enough effort, if it's because of where you live. But the truth of the matter is, like Mollenhorst says, it's science. The ones who matter will remain in that 30 percent. I'm lucky enough to have one friend who has stuck it out with me since our days at Space Coast Middle School (back when it was a middle school and our mascot was the FEROCIOUS manatee, an endangered species at the time. Solid mascot choice). She's now a hot shot working for a major tech company in New York City, but remains in that 30 percent. We've gone through 1,000 different phases from braving the bus together in middle school to living together in college to living thousands of miles apart. She's part of the reason that when I think of all the changes in friendly faces, I don't feel so bad. I can still count my number of friends on one hand, after all, so I must be "doing pretty dang good." Contact Saggio at 321-242-3664, JSaggio@FloridaToday.com or follow @JessicaJSaggio on Twitter. Instagram: JessicaJSaggio Snapchat: JuhJuhJuh

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